How to tell family why you are no longer attending meetings?

by El_Guapo 33 Replies latest jw friends

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  problemaddict

  How good of a relationship do you have with your mother? My mother knows I no longer attend, she is mad zealous, and she is not shunning me nor will she. She is disappointed to say the least, but she is not shunning.

  Of course i haven't dropped any serious bombs on her either. I suppose it depends. Do you want to give her answers that will amke the problem go away but aren't honest (as jgnat suggested), or do you want to tell her the truth, but just not all of it?

  Those are questions only you can answer because you know your relationship with your mother and we don't.

  No matter what, i would find out HOW she found this out. And of course there is always the right in the middle statement of....."Mom, I love you and appreciate your concern, but I don't really want to talk about it. I love God and my family. i don't want to affect anyones faith negatively. I don't really want to discuss it. So......how bout them Lakers. Dwight sure is a bust eh?"

  That would be my humble suggestion. it is honest to the person who birthed you, but not shun inducing. :)
• 

  SophieG

  I told my mom:
  
  I don't need to do that anymore.

  That's my standard answer to most questions. If I get pressed I just say: "I realized that living that way was not good for my emotional and mental health and I made a choice to get healthy." I usually say that line with a look of sheer angst on my face like being a JW was going to literally kill me...which is true.

  I usually get *crickets*

  Then I go about living a happy life!
• 

  Phizzy

  My Mom 'phoned me and asked , and I didn't tell her any reasons, so she went in to a diatribe about what she believes.

  I just said , "I know you do Mom" and we left it at that for a long while.

  My family are all Uber-dubs , they discussed it amongst themselves and do not shun me.

  Good luck is all I can say, and don't force any kind of confrontation, or respond to one.
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  Billy the Ex-Bethelite

  The reason I gave was that the nearest KH is in a very dangerous neighborhood.

  But the reason they could perceive was that I was miserable, unhappy, and depressed when I was attending meetings. But when I stopped attending meetings, I was cheerful, happy, and leading a productive life.

  I still keep in close contact with my parents and some of my relatives. I really can't tell whether the other JWs are shunning me because I ignore them anyway.
• 

  SophieG

  I think Phizzy, Billy and I are probably lucky.

  I think the best way is not to be confrontational if you want to keep family close. KISS: Keep It Simple Sister. Everyone in my family still talks to me and GOD FORBID I miss a family outing I hear from them. They are all uber JWS no one is shunning me .

  I think if you go into a longer explanation you run the risk of talking yourself into a corner.
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  DATA-DOG

  You refuse to worship at the Altar set up in apostate Judah... ??? That may be too harsh. Tell her she misunderstood, and that no one has approached you about it, so it's all gossip. Tell her the GB says we should not gossip and waste time on the internet.
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  wha happened?

  it's a conversation that will likely just not turn out very well.
• 

  label licker

  Be very loving and patient with your mom. I had left the religion at fifteen and didn't come back untill I was forty and was in it for nine years and left. Everytime I would visit mom she would beg for me to come back to Jehovah and one day I told her I had to get off the phone or I would say something that I would regret down the road. She asked if I would call her in three weeks and I said yeah what ever. Three weeks went by and I got a phone call saying that she had died. I didn't know she was going in to have her leg amputated and she had taken a bottle of painkillers just before her surgery. While she was in recovery she had a massive heart attack. We found this out from the lady that was sharing a room with her. She said she should have spoken up but mom always talked about not wanting to live anymore. The religion sure can mess with peoples lives.

  With what I know now, I would have sat down with her and asked why is she in it and then told her those reasons she picked aren't your own. That your truly searching for answers that your not allowed to question. Reassure her of your love for her and that you won't go do anything stupid or get yourself df'd. Just leave it alone untill she brings it up again. It will become a habit with her to ask but it won't be as shocking as it is when she first finds out that you left. When she starts to hear the happiness in your voice, hopefully that alone will be enough for her to back off and not nag you about it. Also reassure her that you will never lose your love for Jesus or Jehovah. This will tell her you haven't turned your back on them either.

  I wish you well and wish I could have my mom back.
• 

  El_Guapo

  El Guapo, I have no idea how old you are or how old your parents are. If you are born in or not.

  I am asking because If your parents "lived" thru the nightmare The Watch Tower Society put us through in 1975 and or, you were raised with that rubbish = you have stress, and they should understand because honestly, they have to feel that stress too.

  I am born in, everyone one in my family is a regular pioneer. I never was, nor wanted to be a pioneer. My dad (elder) asked me about a year ago why I kept telling the elders in my cong. that I didn't want to be named an elder. I said that the Judicial committe arrangement is a deal-breaker for me. Who am I to judge any one of my brothers and sisters??? That's Jesus' job, and no one could ever do it any better. Especially not an imperfect man like me.

  Thanks for the ideas, anyone else feel free to chime in.
• 

  Emery

  Being "stumbled" is a great response. I have personally used this angle to say that I have gotten word of some gossip (which is true). I have since then turned this into a depressive stumbling situation by saying, "I am waiting on Jehovah, he knows what I am going through."

  Use their own conversation stoppers against them like; "Waiting on Jehovah"--"I am putting this into Jehovah's hands now"