Curious About My Disfellowshipping.

by vajeni82 23 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  vajeni82

  I recently read an interesting thread (Is there a 'third' way to leave?) that talked about fading instead of being DF'd or DA'd. I myself had planned to fade, but was DF'd instead. It makes me curious about how that happened. Maybe somebody could clarify for me.

  When I finally decided enough was enough I wrote a DA letter. I was all ready to mail it when the elders knocked on my door to inform me of my JC. I did not attend. I simply had no interest. I also had to work. I told them I would not be there. I tried to give them a DA letter when they came to inform me I was up for JC, but they refused it. However, I know for a fact I was officially disfellowshipped.

  At the time, there was not a disfellowshipable offense that could be proven. I separated from my violent husband but did not try to divorce him I stopped attending meetings and going in service but never spoke against them.

  After being DF'd, I went on to start a relationship with another man, but that was way after. When that became public, I received divorce papers from my now ex. (Best first Xmas gift EVER!) Until that point, I don't see how I could have possibly been DF'd per the JW guidelines.

  Does anyone know if there is any way to see your file or find out what exactly you were DF'd for? I'm super curious because I honestly did not do anything that would warrant more than a reproval. There was never a time where the "2 witness rule" would apply either. I also find it odd that my disfellowshipping announcement was made at my parent's congregation instead of the one I had transferred to. How is that allowed?

  The way I see it, they fired me after I quit. The results are the same either way. Whatever. But, I really want to know now!
  
  Are there any active elders that want to find out for me?
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  return of parakeet

  I'm not an elder. I've been a fader for 34 years. No elder from my congregation or any other has ever tried to contact me in any way. I know I'm not DFed because my dub mother still speaks to me.

  From all the varying accounts I've read here, it's a roll of the dice as to what elders will do when you stop attending meetings and attempt to fade. Some elders will follow you around like a hound on a scent; others will act as though you never existed.

  I don't think there's an official WTS protocol about how to handle faders, other than a few nebulous "shepherding" suggestions.

  Ex-elders, what say you?
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  cantleave

  If you live in country with freedom of information you can ask for your files (in the UK they can make an admin charge for this).
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  Comatose

  Not an elder, but a currently in MS. All that needed to have happened is a false charge brought against you, with you not defending it.

  Without your defense then your guilt is implied and action taken.
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  Las Malvinas son Argentinas

  During a brief period of fading before I started going again, I was bothered by a few elders my mother had set on my trail. I had moved into the city and had a worldly roommate, but the rumours circulated that it was a male companion (it was not - the roommate was female). They insisted on coming in, ostensibly to collect 'evidence' that a man was there. I refused on the grounds that the place was a wreck, which it was. There was a bit of back and forth, with some vague threats uttered about 'loose conduct'. Finally after I let my mother in, and she found out for herself, the threats subsided, confirming for me once and for all that she was behind it all. I moved back after only three months, and started going to meetings and service again. I found myself in a marriage all practically 'arranged' but in name, and disfellowshipped months after.
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  Lynnie

  Yes it very much depends on who you are on how a DF is handled. When I was 19 I decided I could no longer go door to door and

  moved about 12 miles away to a house with worldly high school friends. I attended a few meetings to begin with and then no more.

  It wasn't until about 2 years later the elders from my old congregation showed up at my door unannounced saying "they wanted to talk to me".

  Of course my mother gave them the address since there is no way anyone else would have known. There was a big party at the house

  when they showed up and so that gave them all the fuel they needed to DF me. However I never received any notification, my mother had to

  tell me. My cousin was able to walk away with no consequences and marry an unbeliever (someone she had met 3 months prior) and no elders

  stalking her looking for any excuse to DF her. To this day she isn't DF and this was 35 years ago. I'll never understand that at all. She was the

  one that told me you could "leave the witnesses anytime you wanted". Well it worked for her but not for me.
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  problemaddict

  This can be complicated without knowing what you did. You say you did something you think would barely garner "reproof". The policy is that even something that may seem on the more minor scale of offensive behavior, if you respond "brazenly" which you no doubt did, you could be an unrepentant sinner and disfellowshipped.

  So that COULD be what happened. Not saying it neccesarily was.

  As far as freedom od informtion, I have thought about that as well. Can you request your "file" in the United States, and if so, under what grounds?
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  Splash

  In the UK, like Cantleave mentioned, there is Freedom of Information (FOI).

  The publishers are asked every year to sign a sheet saying they comply with having information about them stored.

  Legally you can apply to see this information (max admin cost of £10).

  Knowing the way the congregations work, you could likely end up with some but not all of the information they have.

  If I was going down this route I would have the letter sent from a solicitor, to add gravitas to the fact they should not all of a sudden decide to destroy or withold any information.

  Splash.
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  LostGeneration

  What was the "charge" when they came to tell you of the JC? Anything other than the separation? I have no idea why they would refuse your DA letter. Of course the result is the same in the end, don't have a clue why they would proceed with a JC instead of just taking your letter.

  Also, did they say it was a full blown JC? Or an investigation?

  I guess you could always have someone call your hall, and say they are an "elder" in such and such a hall and that you are trying to get back into "da Troof", and need the full 411 on your situation.
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  happy@last

  If it was me I'd call up and ask. It sounds as though you were accused of something, and by simply not going to your JC they assumed this meant you were guilty of whatever it was you were accused of.