Please be honest....Did love conquer it all?
How did u make it work?
Is there anyone out there who married a non jW...?how did it turn out for ?Are u happy?
by Chichi89 30 Replies latest jw friends
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2+2=5
Most here are non JWs or don't believe that JWs are the one true religion. The advice would be to do research on the 'truth', and then marry who you want.
If you believe that it is the truth, then you should probably marry a fellow JW.
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Chichi89
Thnx 2+2=5 That stategy actually makes alot of sense:)
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ItsMyLife
I'm going to be marrying a non-jw, although it'll be a couple more months until I'm officially 'inactive'. I expect to be extremely happy (depression aside) because he's the most wonderful man I've ever met. Much nicer than the single & available JW's I know :-)
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Aussie Oz
Hi chichi89
first i cannot comment on JW marrying a non JW relationships, thats for others...
But I can comment on my experience...
I was DF in 2000 but until 2009/2010 i still believed they were 100% true even though i never went back. I remarried a girl while i was what is called an 'apologist' for the witnesses, that is, I still would defend them to anyone who dared mock them even though i was no longer one. She was never a christian. She challenged me (in good ways) to prove that what i believed made any more sense than her own veiws of life and the universe. I could not.
FIRST OFF: a partnership should not be based on two people believing the very same version of the very same fairy tale. Why should it matter if I beleve some 'god' made life and she believes that some 'universal consciousness' did so. What should it matter if I think God does not care and she says he does?
what matters is how two people treat each other, embracing each others differences not resenting them, and certainly NOT changing them.
Once you take religion out of the picture, once personal beliefs are non issues, you stand on the same footing as every one else on earth. Your relationship may survive the highs and lows of life or it may not.
Are you very young? Perhaps you are 18 or something and also think you have to get married to have a good relationship? That is a JW mindset...want sex, must marry or it is a sin...
Oz
edit: Oh, and yes, very happy. She is by far the most wonderful woman i have ever met. I married her because it was the best way i could show her family just how much she meant to me ( i was an avowed batchelor, never to remarry) sometimes i want to divorce her so that i can marry her all over again.
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Chichi89
Hi OZ,
thnx for th post..am 24...seriously contemplating marriage..bt yh like u said is a mindset..i need to chnge tht..coz we getting along very well..ill sound a lil cheesy n say "we are soulmates"
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nonjwspouse
Ok ChiChi,
I am married to a man who was raised JW, left as a teen, never dunked. He was out of 30 years, didn't ever plan to go back but the red flag I ignored was he said he woud never attend another church and he still believed what the JW teach. He promised to raise our now 8 year old daughter Catholic, and not to confuse her with his beliefs until she was out of schoo, then he would share if she asked questions. ( My religion and my other kids when to school there as well) Then two+ years ago began studying again. ( I believe due to the promise ofno more suffering, since he began having some very difficult health problems and the depression thay goes with it, plus his mother began putting hte pressure/guilt on) In June it will be two years since he decided he must convert me, and told our daughter she was learing lies.
It was like a bomb had been dropped within ourmarriage and my trust withhim flew out the window. He apolgized a few days later saying he went about it al wrong, and since that time says he is always going abou thing wrong ( he blames me, telling me my questions are to start fights, that I atack him.....all because I did by research, REAL research this time and fount out the TTAT. I have since sopped trying to inform him of all tat Ihave learned and trying to go about fighting fire with fire, using repetition in feeding his ego outside of the WTS, making simple, on confrontational comments on things that contradict the WTS teachings.
Our mariage is in serious trouble. He is brainwashed, he occasionally shows signs that the seeds of doubt might take hold, but most of the time he does not.
Right now, we are both unhappy, but we were very happy before he went back to the meetings and began studying. Last night he said he was scared for our marriage because of my comment in couples therapy that I have no problemwith him reading his Bilbe, but not the WRT materials, and if I saw him reading any I would leave the room. Period. ( Though I think my strategy should maybe be that I then bring in COC or in search of Christian Freedom, etc... )
If I could look into a crystal ball before we were married, I would have stopped dating him. This is not a marriage that anyone wants to be in. He even physically abused me several weeks ago, of course for many weeks blaming it all on me. He "Says" a lot of what he is "supposed to" eventually, but I have learned he really doesn't mean much of it. I only recently discovered through reading a book about it, that he is a typeof verbal abuser that is hard to detect. Blame, telling me my concerns are not valid, tells me some topics are never up for discussion, I just dn't know any better, etc... When he attends meetings , studies, conventions, he has the glazed over look in his face and he begins to reat me as if he were to dominate over me. I have grown to be a pretty strong person and I will NOT tolerate that behavior.
So unless he sees TTATT, then this marriage will not be happy. So I msut say, JW and NON JW is not a happy situation.
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cantleave
Quite simply, to a JW the religion will always take first place, and the spouse will be way down the list of priorities, espeially if your JW is male.
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Chichi89
@nonjwspouse thnx for th post..sorry to hear about you marital situation..hope u work it out someway...Hugs!
NEVERTHEless in this situation am th Witness and he is not...i jus recently got disfellowshed..i cnt say ryt nw if i will go back or not..am confused with o th research ive been doing n wht i hce been taught..am a total basket case.bt anyway am th onw whos dating a person who isnt..we have had our differences in belifs n so forth..even b4 i got dissfellowshied..relogion was a touchy topic for us..
i knw am not a witness nw bt in my head n belifs i till am a praticing one..i cnt jus ignore watever issues we had lng ago about religion..
oh his a christion..a pentecoatal
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jgnat
I am a non-JW and I married a Witness for the past ten years. He was not disfellowshipped because we eloped and didn't tell the elders until some time later. He is viewed as "spiritually weak". He knows that by marrying me he is giving up further priveleges, and possibly even life in paradise. He has settled that a short time of happiness with me is enough. The elements of his personality I like the most are those that are natural to him. He's funny, contrary, and fully lives in the moment.
You two might want to do some bible studies on subjects that interest you - like marriage - so you are closer to understanding each other on spiritual subjects. I think your beliefs are undergoing change right now, which is why you are so confused. Spend some time thinking and reading to settle what you really believe before you two commit. I suggest you stay away from the Watchtower materials.