Is there anyone out there who married a non jW...?how did it turn out for ?Are u happy?

by Chichi89 30 Replies latest jw friends

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  Mum

  Interfaith marriages can work, but the likelihood of that happening if one of the partners (particularly the male) is a JW is a whole different ball game. I had a friend with a JW mom and a nonbelieving (i.e., not a church goer, not religious at all) dad. Because her dad was "head of the household" and had the say-so, she got to go to her cousins' birthday parties and have some normal childhool experiences. She was lucky.

  That having been said, I believe it is less about religion than it is about the two people and their maturity and readiness for marriage. As Dr. Laura says, love is a good start, but nothing more. She points out that once a child is born, the religion moves to the forefront. If one partner is Catholic and want to have the child christened, and the other partner is Pentecostal, then there will be problems.

  Sit down with your sweetheart and work out what the rules are going to be. Get pre-marital counseling. Understand yourself, and understand your partner.

  Best wishes,

  SandraC
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  Julia Orwell

  A friend of mine married twice to non-JWs. The first one left her for a man and the second one beat her nearly to death and now she's a cripple. That being said, it wasn't because they weren't JWs. It was because the first one was obviously gay and the second one was just a jerk.

  The way I see mixed marriages is, and I used to explain this to my non-JW mum years ago when I was single is, that if something is such a huge part of your life then the person who's gonna be the most important one in your life should share in the huge part. Otherwise, you and he are always off on different paths ie you're off to meetings and witnessing and he's doing his own thing, rather than you having the same goals. And face it, being a JW permeates every aspect of your life down to the way you think and feel. For instance, you live like armageddon's on the doorstep so you don't plan for the future or worry about paying bills a year down the track, whereas he feels you both should be saving for a house deposit or improving your earning potential, and if there are kids, they will get mixed messages when parents should have compatible goals.

  It's all about compatibility and life values.
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  Black Sheep

  Love just plasters over the cracks. As long as one of you thinks their might be a possibility that Watchtower god is going to show up for his killing spree of wicked worldly children and babies, there will be an elephant in the room.

  I was a doubting JW when I married my Anglican wife just before the end of 6000 years of whatever the cult said it was in 1975. 1975 came and went without a wimper from the dreaded killer god, but my missus was sucked in by then and now her and my kids think her god is gonna toast my arse in the very near future. It's all very Harold Camping, but predates him.

  We are still happily married, but that elephant is a bastard.

  
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  Pink sapphire

  My first marriage was to a jw. He was the most vile, disgusting, insecure and jealous person I had ever known. When it all fell apart i was frightened I would never be in a relationship again as in the world people were far worse. Time moved on and I remarried a non jw. He is a lovely person and we are both very happy without any bible rules interfering in our relationship or perceptions. his only concern is that one day i might want to go back. lol!! as if!
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  torrent

  I married a JW at the KH with all the fan fare. That ended with her having several affairs before I could forgive no more and divorced after 6 years. I met my second wife in a bar 18 years ago. We married a year later. She studied the first year and was soon babtized. All to make me happy. However, her honest questions about the organization and honest assessments of the organization eventually turned me around. We still have a strong marraige and have been inactive for about five years now. We haven't gone to other churches, but do keep up our bible ready and prayer. Not yet sure where we go from here, but being free of a cult that held me since I was a small child is unbelievable liberating. It's like I am reading the bible for the first time. It's amazing how many strings were attached to me while in the org. I have my wife to thank for my spiritual freedom and that of my children and grandchildren.
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  Julia Orwell

  I found that most born-in JW guys were shallow and stupid so it was difficult for me to find a husband. The guys in the 'world' on the other hand, were deep and had no illusions about relationships (read: the balding, 30+ JW born in who's never had a girl friend but expects some day that he'll marry an 18 yo hot blonde pioneer sister with big boobs) like the JW boys do. It was hard to not get attached to the 'worldly' ones. I married the next best thing: a recent convert who'd been out in the world for his first 36 years and so had a realistic and appreciative view of women.

  @Black Sheep: is that picture from some old JW kids' book? It's friggin scary and I'm not a kid!!! That would scar kids for life, reading that at the age of 5.
• 

  Rattigan350

  to nonjwspouse:

  you said " married to a man who was raised JW, left as a teen, never dunked. He was out of 30 years, didn't ever plan to go back but the red flag I ignored was he said he woud never attend another church and he still believed what the JW teach. "

  How is that a redflag? He is smart and good if he would never attend another church. Other churches are still bad.

  And nothing wrong with believing with Jws teach. The problem is the organization and since he was not baptized, the organization was not in him.

  "He promised to raise our now 8 year old daughter Catholic". Why would anyone want to do that. That is worse that raising her JW.
• 

  LisaRose

  Well I don't believe all religions are bad, or than the JWs are better than any of them, a lot of things the Watchtower says about other religions is exagerated or untrue. I married a non JW, but I was done with the dubs by then, and it has worked out fine. I wouldn't marry a non dub if there is any chance that you will go back. As has been said here, once children come to the picture, religion will become more important and conflicts may arise. So do your research and figure out if you want to be a JW or not. If you decide you want to go back, then break off the relationship and find a nice dub guy. It is not easy to live the dub life with all the requirements for meetings and field service, but next to impossible with an unbelieving mate. Trust me on this, you do not want that life.
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  quellycatface

  Been married to a non-JW for ten years in February. Best guy in the world. He supports me wether I go to the KH or not. He's also mega brainy and could wrap alot of the brothers up in a religous argument. They don't like him much!!!!

  I'm slowly seeing the TTATT for myself!!!!
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  Frazzled UBM

  mamochan said (9 months ago) - 'I think the key with their relationship, though, was that my dad let her completely control everything about religion in our house, including raising us kids.' I wonder whether you resented him for not standing up to her and protecting you from the WT. He sounds like he was either very naive or very weak. I think my JW wife appreciates being married to me rather than a brother who would not provide for her emotionally and financially to the same extent, even though the elephan descirbed above is a constant problem. Still, she seems to making progress in waking up and has missed a lot of meetings recently. I hope after 10 years of marriage she feels about me the same way quellycatface feels about her hubby. As I have said to her: 'I hope one day you realize that I was the best thing that ever happened to you.'