Have you ever shunned someone and then later regretted it?

by 00DAD 29 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  00DAD

  Lately, I've been reading a number of thread lately that deal with this topic. One particularly poignant experience came from Simon. In Simon's story he shares:

  Over the years, my dad never quit trying to keep in touch with us and would often come over and try and keep some contact but of course it was made difficult for him. My mother remarried a local brother and my dad had been Df'd and more and more pressure was put on us not to have any contact with him. ...

  Over time, I lost regular contact with my dad and missed many years with him that I'll never get back. Something I bitterly regret and that they WTS will answer for.

  Unfortunately, similar experiences are all too common among us here on JWN.

  So my questions are this:

  • Have you ever shunned someone and then later regretted it?
  • What, if anything, did the person you shunned do to reach you?
  • If they didn't reach you, but you woke up by other means, was there anything that they could have done to reach you?
  • Were you ever reconciled? How did that go? Was their hostility and resentment on their part, or love and forgiveness?

  Please share. May of us could benefit greatly and possibly heal broken relationships and avoid unnecessary pain.

  00DAD
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  wisdomfrombelow

  I have shunned people I never knew and regretted it. When I was a youngster there was a Holocost survivor speaking at my school and I missed a chance to talk to him because I had heard he was disfellowshipped. I wasn't baptized and not even sure where I heard that he was disfellowshipped but I missed out on a chance to meet someone very interesting because I shunned pro-actively.
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  rip van winkle

  I have never shunned anyone and never would.

  I've always been quite vocal about it.

  It's an extremely unkind and unloving practice that I believe is tantamount to mental/emotional blackmail and abuse.
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  mamochan13

  I shunned a close friend when we were both teenagers. It felt horrible at the time. After that I tried not to be put in a similar position. I tried to find ways to at least be kind - a smile, a word. These were people I cared about, after all.
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  Dagney

  One of the straws that broke the camel's back for me was seeing a person at Disneyland. She was a former JW star, pioneer etc etc. She had gotten involved with a shady type JW, became preggers, then was DF. When I saw her, I didn't know her status...whether she was reinstated or what. I didn't know whether to go up to her or pretend she didn't exist and ignore her. I ignored her and felt terrible, and still to this day, even after so many years.

  I decided I would never, EVER do that again. I made up my mind to greet DF'd people I saw at the meetings, telling them I was happy to see them etc.

  I feel stupid and embarrassed I ever let my religion override my natural feelings for people. This is a big deal for me and I am verbal about it with JW's. I know I will have the opportunity to say even more as the years go by. I have told many that I refuse to treat people as I have been treated. And I cannot beleive they teach their children to hate their fellowman. I had people take offense to that statement, but it's the truth. They teach their children to do the same thing, to shun and pretend former good friends etc don't exist just because they change their mind or have question. It's despicable.
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  Phizzy

  I was not in to shunning when I was in, always spoke to DF'd ones at the hall and elsewhere.

  I have though shunned a number of JW's since leaving, without much regret, I usually greet them , and therefore force them to greet me, which they are loath to do despite my just being an inactive fader.

  A few though I have ignored, they are the two-faced judgmental types that I really didn't like when I was in, I just ignore them, is that so wrong ?
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  franticfran

  I ignored my closest friend when she was disfellowshipped. The day we said goodbye we wept in each others arms because we both knew that this was the end,we had been such good friends and she and her family holidayed with us every year,it was a dreadful time,yet once again I thought we were doing what God wanted us to do. How utterly unforgivable. I did try to contact her last year when I decided that this organisation was poisonous and destructive,she was polite, but rejected our apology,and lets face it,who could blame her. What God of love would ever ask us to treat others so,how arrogant that we think we are so much better than any other sinner. I hang my head in shame at my past pious behavour.
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  Cold Steel

  Heck...I get shunned every day.

  I have a cat.

  
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  Lady Lee

  The only person I can recall shunning were my uncles. One was DFed for apostasy. That was really hard not talking to him. I loved his wife who came to the meetings. Eventuually he returned and was reinstated but happily left again.

  The other uncle was married to Mouthy's daughter. He was DFed and yes I shunned him. Then I think he was reinstated and DFed a second time. After that they divorced and I never talked to him again. He put his wife and children through hell and for that I would never forgive him. He hasn;t changed. Even if they hadn't DFed him I would not want anything to do with him. He has always been a very toxic person - and that is saying something comsidering the toxic levels in my family.
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  Nice_Dream

  • Have you ever shunned someone and then later regretted it?

  Yes, my little sister. She was living with her "worldly" boyfriend. I didn't attend her wedding either, and deeply regret it to this day.

  • What, if anything, did the person you shunned do to reach you?

  She was amazingly loving and kind, like she always was. She was positive and loved her life, living without regrets. She forgave me for shunning her when I reached out to reconcile. My sister showed me unconditional love, something most witnesses lack.

  • Were you ever reconciled? How did that go? Was their hostility and resentment on their part, or love and forgiveness?

  After not speaking for a few years, I apologized once I woke up to TTATT. She immediately forgave me, and we have been best friends ever since and speak to each other daily. I later found out she had contemplated suicide after leaving the religion. She had been in an abusive relationship with an elder's son prior to leaving, and I hate to think of her life wasted because of this stupid religion. My sister is the happiest, sweetest person I know, and to think she was contemplating suicide because me and my parents shunned her makes me sick.