Have you ever shunned someone and then later regretted it? (page 2)

cptkirk

I remember a friend that i had who was my age at the kh, there were a bunch of us all around the same age 18-25, and the one guy got df'ed....i remember just thinking that i'm not supposed to talk to him, and then being surprised that he came to the meeting immediately after being df'ed. i remember just thinking this is bullshit, fortunately he was re-instated within a few months and that was over. i remember going to his house before the df and being surprised at this vast video game library, games that we weren't supposed to be playing. at one point i remember thinking to myself, am i the only one that actually follows the rules? although truth be told, 75% of these guys are all now either circuit overseers or married to circuit overseers, congrats to them, and thank god i am not one of them.

Chichi89

i shunned my 'worldy friends' in th name of bad association.....

I regret it..am disfellowshiped an friendless

Satanus

I was unsociable to my relatives all of my life, because of being jw. I didn't avoid them, but i didn't keep in touch. A few yrs ago, i tried to rekindle things. They were cool, as in cold, understandably. After a few yrs of trying, i gave up and moved away. Maybe, in the next life, if there is one.

S

LongHairGal

DAGNEY and FRANTIC FRAN:

Good posts and sad stories.

I never believed in shunning either and I always gave a smile to DFd ones in the back of the hall. One time I was chastized by a very judgmental person because I greeted somebody who wasn't an "approved" associate!

I can well understand why a shunned person might not accept an apology after so many years. Why should they? Do JWs imagine somebody is just going to pick up where they left off??? Time has passed and there is water under the bridge. People change and move on.

Jehovah's Witnesses are deluded to think their shunning routine makes people want to go back!

perfect1

Long Hair Gal,

No kidding! All shunning does is show what small minded, deluded poison this religion is. Relationships are based on trust, and once that trust has been broken by shunning, its hard to get back. In the real world, friendships go through phases and some fade naturally as personalities and interests fade. In JW land- people are always getting locked into unrealisitc notions of permanence about who someone is and has been.

LIFE IS SHORT, and for those of us who have experienced shunning, you might not want to waste your time or heart with people who dropped you once and could do it again- all for a stupid cult. Some people and bonds are resillient, other relationships are severed by shunning. In my experience, I have been very suprised by the people who still talk to me and those who dont. Its not who I expected.

James Brown

I shunned an older man when I was 19. I felt bad about it then and feel bad about it and

regret it today.

The older man was disfellowshipped for smoking.

I saw him sitting in the coffee shop and he was trying to wave hello without

talking and I didnt know what to do other than look away.

He was also a friend of the family on the non JW side.

So sorry for being unkind and so glad I have been out of the tower since 83.

ambersun

My earliest memory of meetings involved being forced to shun a girl of 16 who was sitting all alone struggling to care for a tiny baby. Her father was horrible and was the one who forced me to stay away from her. It was absolutely awful and I still feel upset about it to this day. We were attending the congregation of the man who introduced my father to 'The Truth' which was not local to us, so it was years later when I actually saw that poor girl again. She had been reinstated by then but I don't know what sort of life she had or if she found happiness. Things like that tend to haunt you, don't they .

My second memory is having to shun a friend who was disfellowshipped for smoking. I saw him at a congregation wedding (I think the bride was his sister) and he was just standing outside the entrance to the KH being shunned by everyone. I had to admire his nerve as he just calmly lit up and stood there smoking and staring at everyone going past him with their noses in the air. I tried to pretend I hadn't seen him but I was extremely uncomfortable and felt how evil and wrong it was to treat someone like that.

I vowed I would never treat anyone like that again whoever was watching me, and the next time me and hubby bumped into a disfellowshipped brother in a pub we both went out of our way to go up to him and say how lovely it was to see him and asked him how he was. We spent a couple of happy hours chatting and catching up with each others' news. He told us he had met a lovely woman who he had settled down with and was making a new life for himself. I am so glad we took the time to be kind to him. Me and hubby were both still active JWs at the time, and it felt absolutely great!

Vidiot

Nope.

Always threw a little smile and a friendly nod or wave to the DFed ones I knew (unless they were assholes, in which case I would have avoided them regardless of whether they were DFed or not).

Never got "counseled" for it, and would've rolled my eyes if I had, anyway.

My dad behaved the same way (a devout JW, but nontheless a very kind, decent man); I just followed his example.

gma-tired2

I never could quite understand how JWs believe this is a loving gesture. I started seeing in teens how hurtful this dfing is. I always said if any of my family were df'd I couldn't , wouldn't do this. I haven't shunned anyone since my teens. I have had to live up to this vow. Cousins and now my son. I tell others I broought him into this life and I am not going to hurt him. DF'ing was one of the first things that started my doubts.

coffee_black

I shunned a couple at the grocery store who had just been dfed. They formed a support group, and a few years later, they were the ones to help me through my exit of the borg. Needless to say, I apologized profusely.

Coffee

Have you ever shunned someone and then later regretted it?

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