DA'd vs. DF'd

Suraj Khan

Sunday's WT study really opened some old wounds in my family. Or, rather, I did. Ugh.

I was born-in but never took. By age 13 I was faking illnesses just to get out of Thursday and Sunday meetings. I stopped attending altogether at age 17 and headed to college, never really looking back. Though I never voluntarily disassociated myself*, I heard a DA announcement was made the year after I left. My family was basically glad to see me go and, apart from attending my father's funeral in 2002 (where I was taken aside and reminded by the elder who announced my DA not to have anything else to do with my family), I didn't see a family member or another Witness for the last 20 years.

Last year, my younger brother and sister - still JW's, and married to the same - contacted me on Facebook out of the blue. I was confused by this, but of course welcomed them. Over the last few months, we've avoided talking about religion and used Facebook every once in a while to chat about sports and kids.

So, flash forward to yesterday. The screenshots of the WT article made me hurt. I did a bad, bad thing and posted it, saying how seeing those passages destroyed me. I mentioned that I could never embrace a faith that celebrated tearing apart families. I said I found the article repugnant, unloving and in its truest sense, un-Christian.

Little brother says, simply, that I wasn't DF'd, implying that it's OK to email me or chat with me because I was never baptized.

So why have I been shunned for the last 25 years?

I guess I need to use my phone-a-friend here and ask you folks: what's going on here? Can someone help me understand how to put all of these events together from a Witness point of view? I confess I didn't pay that much attention while I was running like hell for the door all those years ago.

___

* "I faded before it went mainstream."

Dismissing servant

It's plain and simple, you were never baptized.

I am more confused about how the elder acted at the funeral.

LouBelle

True - never baptised! That makes the difference.

May ask - do you really want to pick at a scab? Do you really want to start opening all that shit up again? You may want answers but if you have been pretty okay and happy these past years, don't let it get to you now.

Suraj Khan

I do want answers because the Witness org has a lot to answer for.

Two, and possibly three, of my younger sisters were sexually abused by my father and older brother. I was lucky: I was only physically and emotionally abused. I ran not just out of distaste for the dogma: I ran out of self-preservation. I still carry deep guilt over abandoning my younger sisters to abuse I didn't fully understand until much later. The many stories about pedophilia and the Witnesses hit very close to home for me.

So, although I've gotten my life outwardly together - I have a beautiful, supportive wife in the outside world and two teenage daughters blissfully innocent of the horrors I experienced and saw growing up - I bleed freely when I see emotional triggers like this. My wife tries to understand, but she can't. And somehow I'm glad that she can't.

The more I read here - I'm fairly new - the more outrage I feel at all of this. And I should feel outrage. And I don't know what to do with it.

Glander

There is a class of people, like yourself, who were born in, raised in but never embraced the cult with the baptism ritual. Then they are exiled by their family just the same as if DF'd.

This de-facto disfellowshipping doesn't seem to be an official WT sanction but it is usually in the "avoid bad association" loophole.

Family members are just pissed on general principles.

wasblind

Though I never voluntarily disassociated myself*, I heard a DA announcement was made the year after I left___Suraj Khan

MARKING

"Occassionally, someone not known to be guilty of practicing a grave sin for which he could be expelled nevertheless displays flagrant disregaurd for theocratic order "_____Organized to do Jehovah's Will book page 150

ANNOUNCEMENT OF DISFELLOWSHIPPING

when it is necessary to disfelowship an unrepentant wrongdoer from the congrgation. A brief announcement is made, simply stating "[ Name of person ] is no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses" _____Organized to do Jehovah's Will book page 154

DISASSOCIATION

" The person who disassociates himself by repudiating the faith and deliberatley abandoning Jehovah's worship is viewed in the same way as the one who is disfellowshipped."_____Organized to do Jehova's will book page 155

UNBAPTIZED PUBLISHERS

" What of unbaptised publishers who become involve in serious wrong doings ? Scince they are not baptized members of the congregation, they may not fully understand the Bible's standards, and kind counsel may help them to make straight paths for heir feet.

If an unbaptized wrongdoer is unrepentant after wo elders have met with him and have tried to help him, then it is necessary to inform the congregation. A brief announcement is made, stating ' [ Name of person ] " is no longer recognized as an unbaptised publisher. The congregation will then view him as a person of the world."_______Organized to do Jehovah's will book page157

Straight out of the dark ages

This taste alot different than the Kool-aid served at the door from the public Watchtowers and Awakes

.

RubaDub

From the information presented, I don't see any basis on what the congregation did.

First, you can't be DF'd or DA'd if you are not baptized. Second, I don't see how you can be labeled as no longer being an unbaptized publisher simply by going to college.

Could you be "marked" ? Yes. But that does not involve shunning, at least at the Kingdom Hall. Being marked would have no bearing at a funeral, or at least it shouldn't.

Rub a Dub

Suraj Khan

DISASSOCIATION

" The person who disassociates himself by repudiating the faith and deliberately abandoning Jehovah's worship is viewed in the same way as the one who is disfellowshipped."_____Organized to do Jehovah's Will book page 155

We have a winner. Thank you, wasblind.

wasblind

First, you can't be DF'd or DA'd if you are not baptized. Second, I don't see how you can be labeled as no longer being an unbaptized publisher simply by going to college.____Rubadub

" For example, a person might renounce his place in the christian congregation by his actions, such as by becoming a part of a secular organization that has objectives contrary to the Bible , and hence , is under judgement by Jehovah God "_______Organized to do Jehovah's Will book Page 155

College = The devils play ground

Edit : " Universities may no longer have the riotous scenes of the 1960's. But a decrease in the university bedlam hardly means the campus environment is wholesome . Drugs and alcohol are used freely, and promiscuity is the rule------ not the exception. If this is true of your land, might living there thwart your efforts to remain morally clean ?

Another concern is the well documented association of exsposure to higher education with decreased " adherence to core religious tenents "______Young people ask book page 177

.

00DAD

Technically, you can not be DF'd or DA yourself if you were never baptized. So how could there have ever been such an announcement made?

That being said, JWs are an authoritarian, high-control group. Many of us here are/have been shunned merely for fading. JWs only stand on technicalities when it's in THEIR favor.

Sorry you're going through the pain and confusion. Be glad little brother is reaching out to you.

I'd suggest you avoid discussing the religion with your family members that will talk to you. if you want to vent about the WT/JWs vent here.

Keep your family relationships safe.

DA'd vs. DF'd

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