A double life

raindrops

I am usually a lurker here. I was disfellowshipped about 3 years ago. My relationship with my family has never been the same. I just had a baby three months ago, and I miss my family dearly and want them to be in my baby girl's life.

Recently,I have been going to a few meetings at the kingdom hall and I see how much my relationship with my family has improved. Because they think I am returning to the "truth", they are talking to me more and I visit them more often. I feel like I should start pretending to go back to being a JW,out of desperation to be close to my family again.

I would have to live a double life, since now that I am married and have a baby,I want to celebrate holidays and not be in the JW religion. But, I have no choice right?If I want my family to be part of my life,I have to go back... I have to grit my teeth and fake it. Does anyone here live a double life? How do you manage it?

yesidid

Welcome! I feel for you.

earthfire

I'm so sorry for your situation. I and many others here know all to well your dilemma. The problem with faking it is that you aren't being true to yourself or your immediate family. If you raise your daughter even partially with that belief system, she may grow up to be a witness. If you can't fake it for a long time then she may end up shunning you in the future if you stop going to the meetings. She'll be told that the holidays are bad but see you celebrate them, it'll be very confusing (she'd also end up unintentionally outing you to your family so a double life won't be easy once she can talk in sentences). Be careful with this one. Lots of love to you.

happy@last

Welcome. That's a real dilemma, do you wonder if your relationship would change again once you are reinstated, maybe just now they are showing an interest but will they continue to? Only you know your family from your perspective, but as already said, you need to be true to yourself.

Iamallcool

Here is the Plan

Get reinstated

Move to another congregation at another Kingdom Hall far away as possible.

Stop going to the meetings after few meetings at your new hall and they have your publisher cards, give them your PO Box address or fake address/phone numbers that does not exist, not your actual address. If you do not want them to bother you, get a new home to live in.

Your family does not need to know that you stopped going to the meetings.

Hopefully somehow you can manage to keep in touch with your JW family.

I do not know if this solution will work for you or not. Good Luck!

Iamallcool

One more advice after you get reinstated, check this website often to keep up with changes in the organization.

LouBelle

Hello Raindrops - welcome to the forum and I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation. If you want to be close to your family for your childs' sake tred with caution. You could just be "weak" - allow your baby to grow up thinking, to reason, to get a good education, to participate in sport etc - I wish you the best....as it is not going to be easy to stomach the meetings.

Iamallcool

If your family want to visit you at your new Kingdom Hall after you get reinstated, go to another congregation and start attending few meetings there, have your publisher cards transferred there again, then quit again after your family visited you at the new KH. Just an idea.

Chaserious

You could always call their bluff now that they have met their granddaughter and started thinking about the possibility that she is going to be in their life. If you stop going now and give it a month or two maybe they won't want to shun their grandchild too. You could tell them something like you can't find any scriptural justification for people treating other people like pariahs in a house of worship and judicial committees and all of the other nonsense related to DF'ing. I mean, they couldn't openly associate with you and stay in, but maybe they would do it quietly. I don't know if that would be enough for you. If it doesn't work, you could always go back to trying to get reinstated in a couple of months.

DesirousOfChange

LOTS OF US DO.

We consider it "Theocratic Warfare" to maintain a good relationship with family and friends, but NOT drink their Koolaid.

Doc

A double life

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