A double life (page 2)

Emery

lamallcool has the best plan. If you want to enjoy your life and still have a bridge back to your family you will have to move away.

Witness 007

Just do the bare minimum....nothing is important as family...millions im sure are doing the same.

wasblind

Ask yourself this,

What do I want to teach my child.

Do I show her how to stand up for their convictions

Or do I teach that child how to navigate the unnessary

stress of a doulble life.

Feelin' confused because you celebrated the day of her birth

That Granma said she shouldn't

Do I show my child my love is not gauranteed

but is bound only by a condition

Do I risk the loss of both my family and child to the farce of a double life

or do I start a new chapter in the life of me and my child

.

It is a very personal decision to lead a double life or not. However I have never, ever met anyone who was happy about living a double life, but I guess the sacrafice for family is worth it for them because they do it. Living a double life is just not me... I am a poor lier. Also my biggest motivation to give up my family was the welfare of my children. My children are worth putting up with the emotional pain. After DA myself 27 years ago, I am now a grandma of 4 and I feel so proud of myself for protecting my children from the JW. My boys know only of the life my hubby and I presented to them. They both were involved in sports and music, one is a chemist and the other a doctor. I feel very blessed.

I was a born in, I had everything to lose. Looking back.... I did not lose a thing.....I gained.

cobaltcupcake

Raindrops - Welcome to the forum!

outsmartthesystem

Here is my honest opinion. No one can live a double life forever. I woke up quite a few years ago.....and lived a double life for years.....hoping I could reach my wife. Living a double life will suppress and depress you. I know it is hard. But you have a husband (hopefully your relationship there is good) and a child. THAT is your family!

When I left the organization finally, my wife left me and took the kids. We are now battling it out in court. Thankfully I have my sisters and my mom (who have all left the organization) for support. But you know what? If i could have......I would have traded my siblings and my mom in order to have my wife and my children all on board with me. Like I said......THAT is your family now and THAT is what is most important. Don't risk your REAL family for a cult.

You should not have to hide who you really are just to have contact with your family. I don't mean to sound harsh.....but are you really that desperate? If your family only loves you because of your social standing within a religious cult......then is that a love you really want to chase? If so why? Maybe I have a little too much self pride.....but I'll be damned if I am going to live the rest of my life pretending to be someone I am not just so I can earn someone else's CONDITIONAL love.

I also agree with earthfire. If you raise your child with even SOME JW beliefs.....depending on the mindset of the child.....he/she may be inclined to give his/her life to the group when older. Especially if you forge a closer bond with your family and they all help indoctrinate your child.

Ding

Welcome!

You have to decide what's best for you and your family.

Here are some thoughts:

That's what the whole shunning process is designed to do -- force DFd and DAd people into begging to be reinstated.

Please remember that if the JWs in your family are involved in your daughter's life, they will do their best to indoctrinate her in "the truth."

If your relatives want to put the organization ahead of a loving relationship with you and your daughter, do you really want them forcing you to pretend to believe things you don't really believe and constantly trying to convince your daughter that it's the truth?

You will be taking your daughter to meetings and maybe even out in service, all the while secretly letting her know that you don't believe it.

Isn't freedom and openness better for both of you despite the pain of shunning?

Those are my thoughts, but as I said, only you can decide what's best for you and your daughter.

TheSophist

I know you said you were looking for input from double lifers, but if I could say one thing it would be weigh very carefully the potential cost of raising that sweet little innocent baby near this group.

whathappened

I feel sorry for you in this situation and I welcome you wholeheartedly to the forum.

Yes, it isn't good for the child to see her mother live a double life. It will confuse her and mess her up. Maybe you could get reinstated and fade fast, stating that you are stumbled because some people are still not treating you nice at the Hall.

Best to you.

144001

You don't have to live a "double life." You should reject the conditional love of family members as it is devoid of any real value. If family can't love you for who you are, instead of who they expect/demand you to be, their so-called "love" isn't worth having.

I was a born-in in a very devout family. I rebelled in my teenage years and never came back. While the relationship was difficult at first, my parents did not want to miss the opportunity to be with their grandkids, and they fully accepted me as a person who does not share their beliefs.

Standing up for what is right will be tough in the short run, but the problems will eventually go away, and babies/infants are hard to say "no" to. Good luck!

A double life