Now, I wouldn't stop laughing again, ever!
For those claiming to be Christ: you are not! I am
by AndDontCallMeShirley 52 Replies latest jw friends
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tresdecu
Well crap...I had already asked Larsinger to remember me when he gets into his kingdom. But now since you are the true Christ, I will ask you: Shirely..please remember me when you get into your kingdom.
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Jeffro
Shirley, today you will be with me in paradise.
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Hortensia
Now let's all sing a hymn!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SO5Y1OuQIxo
I'll help you pass the collection plate if I can skim a little off the top!
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AndDontCallMeShirley
Brother Of The Hawk: You are the one and only true messiah because I know that you said so. Your words are truth. I believe, unlike the rest of the world, you are my salvation.
ADCMS, a.k.a. Messiah: My son, you have kissed thine holy ass more than all the others. I shall place you high up in my Kingdom, as long as you donate a little more $$ to the "Candace Conti Settlement Fund", er, I mean the "Bring The Missionaries Home-2013 Edition" fund. Although being second in command to Yahweh I always seem to be short of cash (and good attorneys).
Jeffro: Your evidence seems convincing. But are we not commaned in Brian 19:14 to follow the gourd.
ADCMS: The gourd is "old light", brother. We must now follow the zucchini. You must try to keep up with God's 'celestial chariot'. The soon-to-be (rumor has it) released NWT will contain the correct rendering of Brian 19:14.
tresdecu:Well crap...I had already asked Larsinger to remember me when he gets into his kingdom. But now since you are the true Christ, I will ask you: Shirely..please remember me when you get into your kingdom.
ADCMS: Perhaps. What have you done lately to earn your salvation? What are your hours? What is your rank in the congregation? Larsinger's Kingdom is not as good as mine. I provide dental and 3 weeks paid vacation. What's he got? Nothin'!
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Brother of the Hawk
ADCMS, a.k.a. Messiah: My son, you have kissed thine holy ass more than all the others. I shall place you high up in my Kingdom, as long as you donate a little more $$ to the "Candace Conti Settlement Fund", er, I mean the "Bring The Missionaries Home-2013 Edition" fund. Although being second in command to Yahweh I always seem to be short of cash (and good attorneys).
My prayer to you is:
Excuse my ignorance, please, Messiah, I have learned how to kiss your holy ass because you have taught me the difference between brown nosing and ass kissing, it is truly depth perception.
I am humble enough not to assume a position, at your side, but please, thine humble servant is happy serving at your feet.
My master, I would dearly love to donate all that I have to help my sister Conti, but see since I have been nothing more than a janitor and a window washer, the most I can offer is the HOLY HAND GRENADE!!! As far as my Missionary friends, LORD, all I can say is, I will leave that up to you, Please LORD show how wonderful you can be in making this work at .13c per publisher. And please LORD, I could use a little help myself, my turtle still has not returned home, I realize with the amount of money left over after bringing home your missionaries, there will plenty left over, perhaps you can find it in your heart to bless me with enough so I can buy another turttle, and another HOLY HAND GRENADE!!!
Affectionately your humble servant
Brother of the Hawk
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AndDontCallMeShirley
Brother Of The Hawk: I realize with the amount of money left over after bringing home your missionaries, there will plenty left over, perhaps you can find it in your heart to bless me with enough so I can buy another turttle, and another HOLY HAND GRENADE!!!
ADCMS, a.k.a. the Biblical Messiah: I'm sure there will be plenty of money left over, being that the sheep are so gullible. However, that money will be going toward amenities at the WT "Warwick Country Club". You see, the elite of the Org. need an Olympic-sized swimming pool and tennis courts more than you need a turtle. Why are you being so selfish? I know all this building and expansion makes no sense considering that the Governing Body tells you the End is "close", "soon" and imminent, but this is my will. Deal with it. Are you not happy sacrificing your janitor's pay so the GB can live better?
Why are not willing to put aside the anxieties of life, in this case your turtle, and just get out and preach more? Is not the time spent calling at empty houses to earn the free gift of life more important than your turtle? Besides, you'll get a new turtle in the Paradise Earth. Be happy with what you have now.
Did thou lobbest thy Holy Hand Grenade at your foes (In god's mercy)? Did thou counteth only to three and not five? You have chosen wisely! I shall provide thee with another Holy Hand Grenade, provideth thou contibuteth thy cash or check to the "Worldwide Work" generously. An ATM has also been provided for thoust contributing (fleecing) convenience, despite the Org. condemning other religions for doing the same thing(eth).
Please do not pray to me! I am only a man....for now.
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THE GLADIATOR
Shirley you’ll think I’m strange but I don't want to be the Messiah, never have.
I want to be Caesar and sit in the royal podium at the games.
Alas I have come to earth as a gladiator to learn humility and keep the lions away from Christians.
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AndDontCallMeShirley
THE GLADIATOR: Shirley you’ll think I’m strange but I don't want to be the Messiah, never have. I want to be Caesar
ADCMS: I don't think it's strange GLADIATOR, we all have our thing in life. However, why this ambition? You already have the salad market cornered (Caesar's Salad) and a chain of pizza restaurants (Little Caesar's) and had a movie made about you (Gladiator).
Lion's do not like Christians anymore...Rottweilers do! One ate two Christians earlier this week, haven't you heard? And, it was smitten, not by a gladiator, but by a redneck.
But, hey! Knock yourself out. To your goal: one thumb up.
And don't call me Shirley....we talked about this, remember?