Thank you all for your warm replies. I'm grateful.
Memorial Hell
by thecrushed 43 Replies latest jw friends
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ruderedhead
I'm sorry your having such a rough night, crushed. Perhaps that is the one concession you might have made to keep the peace, but what's done is done. No one likes being co-erced and bullied into something, esp. when it comes to ones relationship with God and Christ. That is personal, and it's too bad your Dad & wife can't see that. They wanted you there, it seems, to make things look good, whether they realize it or not. I know you will be very loving tonight when your love comes home. I hope she isn't too hard on you in her anger. If she is, she didn't get much out of the Memorial talk. Jesus died so we could be forgiven. Can she be as forgiving and loving on this of all nights? I hope so. And please remember, that her stomach is probably in knots tonight as well. This is new to her, and she is probably a bit scared as well as angry.
When you told your wife you would never leave the truth, you didn't realize that you didn't HAVE the truth. What you left you now feel was a lie, or at least a falsehood. I realize that it would be a most inopportune time to say this to her, but I hope it makes you feel better tonight, and perhaps at a later time you could gently and lovingly tell her. You are following your conscience, and that is never a bad thing.
Does your fathers wife go to the Memorial? How did he wind up married to an unbeliever? That sure isn't smiled upon in the org., is it? Can you make her your ally? Speak to her occassionally about things, slowly sharing info about the wt w/o condemning it outright so as not to anger your Dad? Just in a matter of fact kind of way, then move onto other subjects? She will probably share some things with him. Perhaps that will get him to back off a bit. All the best to you.
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Captain Obvious
Wow man... What the hell! Dubs see skipping the reject haysoos party as a slap in gods face. If you were trying to stay under the radar, That's out the window. O well. Good for you for sticking to your guns!
I know it probably won't do any good, but... You haven't left the truth. In fact, you LOVE the truth, and will accept nothing less. Your wife thinks you promised to never leave The Truth. How is your missus doing? Like.. Actually, how is she doing.
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LoisLane looking for Superman
TheCrushed...Now I understand your name...
I am so sorry this man-made religion, has put you into such a horrible and distressing position. ((((Hugs))))
Just Lois
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Oubliette
to my crushed friend ... I am writing from a place of extreme isolation and lonliness ... you have a PM
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Billy the Ex-Bethelite
thecrushed: Hang in there.
"She said if only I would come back everyone would be overjoyed to see me with much hugs and tears."
As you know, the memorial would have just been a start. They would have tried to guilt you into attending every meeting, field serve-us, etc. Their "joy" is a very fleeting thing. If your wife and family have "the truth" shouldn't they be joyful instead of miserable and beating you up?
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snare&racket
Mate, you have all our respect and sympathy. They don't realise that heaping on guilt and pain will not dilute the fact it is not true.
They don't understand, you can't demand people to believe things they can't emotionally blackmail things from untrue to true.
if you don't believe it anymore, that is not your fault! Do not feel guilty for the Jehovah's Witnesses not having or telling the truth.
you are on the front lines right now, I assure you the war does settle, today you won a huge battle in your life. You can't dictate what others you love will do, all you cado is ensure you do not fall for lies or emotional slavery. Every day you say no to Watchtower is a day you have your life back.
You are correct, love IS unconditional. You said you would always be a JW but more importantly you said you would always love her, allowing her to believe that you have no issues with the lies she is eating up would not be loving. You are doing the right,the brave, the most moral and the most honest thing buddy, I am so sorry it is so hard..... That's how they have designed it.... It is unavoidable.
snare x
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jgnat
Sorry you've been put through the wringer. I can't remember if you have read any of Steve Hassan's books. I think it would help if you could distinguish the cultic personality from the natural one. Any time a Witness says you are under the influence of Satan they are in full cult mode. When she went silent for a moment, she was thinking. Which is very good. So I would say she is cycling in and out of her cultic mode.
She'll probably be in full cultic mode tonight. Hold off on any more heart-to-hearts until she's been away from the Witnesses for a bit.
You have GOT to cut off the family interference. It is full-blown harrassment.
Could you negotiate with your wife to work hard on your marriage, and it has to be done THE TWO OF YOU without your dad's or her mother's interference? I'd say cold turkey no communication with those two for a month or so. For the sake of the marriage.
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Captain Obvious
The end of the memorial talk is always a huge guilt trip. I can't understand how anyone who has little prior knowledge about JWs could listen to that cultic drivel and actually be interested.... Buddy seriously went on for 5 solid minutes about what it means to "exercise faith". An intentional mis-translation, of course.
You know what though man... I kind of understand your wife's being upset about tonight. Skipping the wine and cookie toss is unimaginable to them... Even though they can't explain why they are even there. She would have had to do sort of a walk of shame tonight, with people asking about you and all. I know, I did exactly that. I went, my wife went to work! How backward is that?! It was embarrassing for me, even though she's a believer.
Update us on how it goes tonight after she gets home.
Take care
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jgnat
By the way, after deep thought I have offered to attend the odd service with my hubby, as a show of support for him. I realized his cultic side can't feel threatened in any way if I have any hope of encouraging his independent thinking. We were all prepared for the 200 km trip to attend the memorial service tonight.
At the last minute, hubby had a case of 24 hour intestinal distress, and he cancelled his memorial attendance for the first time. I think his body is beginning to rebel, even as his mind is not willing to accept yet. I am mildly sympathetic, privately pleased.
You could say this is the apostate's version of bait-and-switch.