shunning and jw funerals

by man in black 15 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  man in black

  When a jw from your area dies, do you attend the visitation or funeral ?

  Since I have da'ed myself, several people that I have known for years have died, and I have attended both the visitation, and or funeral.

  But everytime, I have been treated like I don't even exist. Just trying to follow normal human emotions, by attending and showing my feelings to the surviving family has been alot like running into a brick wall. No response, and the evil eye from other witnesses attending.

  A teenager who left the religion recently told me about a situation where the Mother of an elder he once worked for in construction died.

  This boy spent several days trying to work up the courage to go, and say how sorry he was. But it just did not work out and he just cannot figure out how dealing with a basic emotion such as death can be such a stumbling block with the witnesses.

  Just being curious here,, how did you deal with a jw dies that you were close to ?

  I'd like to thank you in advance for your comments !
• 

  paul from cleveland

  My sister died about 4 years ago. She was in hospice beforehand. I went see her there. Many Witnesses were there at the time but most of them treated me like I was invisible. A few did come up to me and give me a hug. Of course they couldn't "say a greeting" so they just gave me a hug and said they were sorry about the situation. She died a few days later and I went to the "viewing". It was the same situation. Most of the Witnesses completely ignored me. A few though did speak to me briefly. It was so difficult that I didn't actually go to the funeral.
• 

  Finkelstein

  Any relatives that are JWS and passes on I've gone and will continue to go.

  Just out of respect for the family, in spite of the fact I have somewhat little respect for the religion.

  I just take the JWS religion has any other religion when it comes to people dieing, its the humanity in me I guess.
• 

  Pickler

  Hey MIB,

  I've never been to a JW funeral, but I've been to several non JW funerals. They were generally very nice & loving.

  I was actually thinking the other day that when my mother dies, she will have a JW funeral, and I probably won't go. Because I'd have to sit at the back & be shunned, and I refuse to do that. But, then I thought, well, she may already be dead, I wouldn't know, we haven't spoken in years.

  i know that feeling you mentioned, being treated like you don't even exist. That feeling made me scared to go out in public.

  Still though, you are the normal one, but even trying to be normal around JWs is so hard.

  i think JW life is very controlled - look at the meetings, studies, routines. I think JWs react poorly whenever they are confronted by anything they perceive as threatening.

  I think JW panic internally when DF/DA persons appear at the hall, partly due to the whole apostate horror, partly because they are afraid of being judged by others if they are seen to be talking to the DF/DA person.
• 

  Mum

  My mom became a JW after I had been an apostate for years! When my grandmother died, a lot of JW's came to the wake.. I knew most of the congregation where she lived, but had never been a member of that congregation. There were no other JW's in our family (thanks be to God!), and there are none of my sisters' friends or my friends who are JW's. My grandmother's funeral was at the funeral home, not a church, so some of the JW's attended.

  One of the "sisters" I knew back in the day (I've been out since 1979) came up to my mom and my sister and spoke to her but ignored me. When we got into the car, I remarked that the "sister's" heart was so full of Jesus she couldn't speak. My niece laughed, and my mom got an annoyed expression on her face.

  Later on, this "sister" and her husband stopped by my mom's house, and they actually spoke to me! Maybe my mom persuaded them to do it for the sake of the non-JW family members present at her house at the time.

  I never cease to be amazed at how few JW's shun me. I am always polite, and I was a real gung-ho JW when I was on the inside. I don't know if any of this has anything to do with it.
• 

  Scully

  I've never attended a JW funeral since leaving the JWs, and I don't think I would. Not just because of the potential for shunning, but because I would be so offended by the paltry excuse of a Memorial Service™ that spends more time pimping for the WTS than it does expressing warmth and the sense of loss for the deceased.

  I'd rather send a card. That way, the person has to read the sentiments (i.e., associate with you) before seeing the name you sign the card with. You get to express your condolences, a nice memory of the person who has passed away, and sign your name in love and friendship. They can't shun it.
• 

  blondie

  I would suggest going and sitting with any non-jw relatives and friends or take one with you. You'll have someone to talk with and the jws will look foolish shunning you in front of a so-called potential convert.

  But mostly I consider it pearls before swine. The dead person doesn't know whether you are there or not. Donate something to a charity in their name and honor them yourself privately.
• 

  Phizzy

  I would always shun a JW funeral.
• 

  zeb

  Here in australia Ive been to a few and you just get noticed as one of the mob.

  But we have had DO tell us we are not shunning as we should.
• 

  pbrow

  I have only been to one funeral (my very "in" grandfather) since I resigned from the group. I couldnt say one way or the other how people looked at me because I didnt pay attention. (I think its a gift... my wife thinks im oblivious) Everyone that I went up to and engaged talked to me and expressed how sorry they were. A few did tell me they missed me and hoped I would be "back" soon.

  My advice is to not go as a df or da'd person. Go and act like a normal person and you will be suprised how many will treat you normal if you dont "act" like your the odd man out. Give them the permission to treat you normal.

  pbrow