The good thing about having kids imo is that you have someone who'll look after you when you're older. I can't think of anything else apart from that. They say the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.
Mom who regrets ever having her two kids
by skeeter1 37 Replies latest social family
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ShirleyW
Julia- Have you every been to a nursing home? There's even a popular poem about an old man who got all dressed up for his birthday in the nursing home and nobody came to visit. Your statement doesn't hold true for a helluva lot of old folks.
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Julia Orwell
That's just me though. I've never been maternal, whereas others I know live for their kids and are fulfilled by having them in their lives. And that's cool too.
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jgnat
JeffT, I understand if you can't bear to wade through the whole article, but I suggest you read the last three paragraphs.
I've known some bad mothers. The stigma is so big in our society these women fought to get custody back from Children's Services. The children would have been better off in a stable foster home. Instead they had a chaotic childhood, tossed back and forth. Were these "good mothers" for fighting for a role they were clearly unsuited for, or selfish?
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mrsjones5
She said she did her best with her kids and only told her hubby how she felt from the getgo. She may not have wanted them but she treated her kids like she did. My mother was the exact opposite. She claimed she wanted kids but would tell us time and again she was sorry she had us.
Which is worst?
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mamochan13
I remember that Ann Landers survey, Shirley. I did read this article a few years back (or a similar one). I never set out to have kids either, but I made the best of things and would not trade the experience for the world. But there have been many times along the way where I wondered why. Parenting is a thankless job, and I do not condemn anyone who has those kinds of feelings.
I think you can still be a good parent even if you regret having children. There are many people whose whole focus in life is having children, wanting children, and they are less than adequate parents. I regret being raised a JW, but I accept that I had no choice and try to find something useful in the experience. I regret being DFd, but it was the catalyst that set me free. You may regret having children, yet when grandchildren come along, you realize that you are a far better grandma than you ever were a mother. And your grandchildren flourish as a result.
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Scully
You know what? This is the kind of thing childless people need to read before they have children. So many young women think of all the goo-goo and ga-ga cute baby stuff, without taking into consideration the enormity of the responsibility of raising children. They go into parenthood completely clueless - the baby is just another accessory that gets them attention.
While my first reaction to reading this woman's experience was horror for her children, there were parts that I could certainly relate to as well. Sadly, our society tends to label mothers as "selfish" when they try to make themselves a priority once in a while - to look after herself, her well-being, her social life, her career and expecting dads to step up and co-parent the family equally, or ideally, in a manner that empowers both parents as partners and as individuals. Nobody should have to feel resentment toward their children, and if they do, it would seem that negotiating an arrangement that allows them to take feasible steps to mitigate those feelings is in the best interests of the parent and of the children as well.
I'm kind of scratching my head though regarding this lady's admission of realizing that motherhood was a mistake for her within the first week of her firstborn's life... and then proceeding to have another child later on. At this point, she lost my sympathy because she compounded her own misery of her own volition. Martyrs get no sympathy from me, sorry.
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mrsjones5
Deuces, my mother is also a crappy grandma. I plan on being a great grandmother.
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exwhyzee
My wife's aunt always did her duty but told her 4 kids that if abortion would have been legal...a few of them wouldn't be here. She's the same one who gave her second child up for adoption and went to great lenghts to find him later when he was in his thirties and her other 4 had all grown up together. Surprisingly they are all really well adjusted, succesful and happy people and love their now elderly Mom and Dad dearly and argue over who gets to care for them. The brother who was adopted out was resentful that he was given away and missed growing up with a brother who was the spitting image of himself and 3 beautiful and fun sisters. Funny how things work out...one parent treats their kids well and the kids are a mess...another parent says and does some pretty unthinkable things yet the kids do alright...it's all kind of a crap shoot.
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mamochan13
Mrs. Jones - I bet you will be a "very" great grama. I know my grandkids love me to bits and I'm proud of my role in their life.
Maybe "regrets" is too strong a word. I respect this lady for putting her feelings out there. Too many parents DO tell their kids, "I wish I never had you" or "I shoulda had an abortion" soul-destroying stuff. I don't get the sense that the writer ever did this, even if she felt that way.
And ultimately - this mother is there for her children. What else matters in the big picture?