Platonic "Lunch"

freeflyingfaerie

Is it possible? Age-old question. complicated x1,000 if one or both of the persons is married/in a serious relationship.

I am skeptical. Very skeptical. so much so that I'm turning down offer in spite of longing for friendship in a new city.

And it makes me sick.

The skepticism comes from observations of others and a few personal experiences. One girlfriend was 'ok' with her boyfriend acting like an ass when we all went out together as friends. Another girlfriend ...well, our friendship died a slow painful death as she chose to use me as the emotional scapegoat when her boyfriend acted a-bastard when we all went out as friends.

So now I am a platonic martyr in that I walk on eggshells so as not to come anywhere close to being an inkling of someone's hurt.

Is there really any way to have platonic lunch? I don't think I could ever enjoy it. I don't buy it anymore. There goes possible friendships with aprox. half the population. Poof.

Reality bites sometimes.

(I know there are worse tragedies in the world)

I'm sticking with females and gay men for lunch. Over and out.

neverscreamagain

freeflyingfaerie-

I think that it is possible for it to be strictly platonic. But you have to know how the other person is viewing it.

For many lunch is just lunch, but dinner is a date.

Sorry, not much help. Hang in there!

neverscreamagain

freeflyingfaerie

Thanks!

What I failed to mention is that this man is married.

So, in the post-jw adventures of Faerie, I am trying on new ideas and expanding my horizons....

but, just can't get past how his wife might feel( maybe she wouldn't care, maybe she has happy plutonic lunch with her male personal trainer..who knows)

He said it was platonic. But I think he should save his compliments and attention for his wife. Sometimes it takes me awhile to decidce if I'm being overly sensitive or judgemental, or if the other person is just a coniving jerk.

can't shake the old-fashioned in me. So, I'm skipping what might have been interesting conversation, opting for peace of mind.

jgnat

I've gone on a platonic lunch with my boss. Genuine friendship, both married, everything above-board.

jean-luc picard

personally, i can not imagine me inviting another woman to a platonic lunch. I guess that given certain exceptional circumstances, I may invite someone to have an unplanned lunch with me. but fixing a rendez vous is just another word for a date imho.

Simon

For many lunch is just lunch, but dinner is a date .

Unless you're from Salford where "dinner" is what you eat at lunch-time and "Tea" is what you have when other people eat dinner.

It can cause confusion: one of my best friends is a girl I know from work and I'd ask if she wanted to go and get dinner and she'd looked slightly shocked but would then suggest we go and get lunch. When I eventually twigged and explained the language difference there was an "ooooh" moment.

You can defintely have platonic relationships regardless of age and attractiveness - she happens to be way younger than me and pretty hot but to me she's just a great mate to hang out with (and even better when Ang became friends with her as well).

I can understand the need to be careful though. Not all relationships are honest.

Glander

Could be totally innocuous...

Pickler

Hi free ff, I think of course you can have platonic relationships with the opposite sex, why not?

I have generally worked in male dominated environments. I had guys I regularly had lunch or dinner with. Another guy was my movie buddy & we saw a movie every couple of weeks. Sometimes their wives/girlfriends ended up becoming friends as well.

He says it's platonic? So you've discussed it? Cool.

Then have a nice lunch, don't cut yourself off from 1/2 the population!

freeflyingfaerie

jgnat~ So, it is possible!

jean-luc~ I'm glad I'm not the only one. Honestly, I'm probably projecting my own feelings into it...about how I would feel if I were the wife. And yes, maybe certain circumstances....like...nothing comes to mind lol. Ok, like meeting for a particular purpose...not just to enjoy each other's sweet company.

Simon~ Would you please just stay on topic, jk! But seriously, how is there much difference depending on what time of day it is, specifics? I don't get how that changes things.... well again, if it is work-related or the like it is a different animal I suppose. Kudos to you, Simon, for having self-control and a conscience.

Glander~ lol, they're just friends with cocktails practicing sharing glasses skills. Me and my girlfriends do it all the time. Totally plutonic.

freeflyingfaerie

Pickler~ Thanks for bringing your experience here. Since you did ask 'why not'? Well, I partly shared some negative experiences I've had in the past and those have left deep impressions on me, but, I'll mull it over summore. Thanks!

Signed,

run-on-sentencer

ps. (Plan on going to college soon, so we shall see if these writing skill improve any. True story)

Platonic "Lunch"

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