Platonic "Lunch" (page 2)

caliber

Several years ago on a thread I said yes platonic relationship(for those in a relationship already) are possible if there is trust between you and your partner... trouble is a person can deceive even their own heart over time.
The question to ask yourself ..what is the subject of conservsation with this platonic friend ?
Once you start to share emotional thoughts that you know should best be discussed with your mate you have crossed the line

when there is more time spent and deeper enjoyment with your friend than your partner

Imo someone always gets hurt in the long run.

Perhaps it's human nature, we are attracted to the opposite sex, that attraction is what makes us notice someone in the first place, before we even talk and find out what we may have in common. We don't decide to become friends with the ugly or creepy person, we are programed to respond to beauty.~~ Dragonfly76

You can walk across thin ice without checking it's thickness .....you may even make it all the way across the river

NewYork44M

How do you do business lunches with those of the opposite sex?

I interact with females, my wife interacts with males. Lunch may be involved. Making money requires that you work with people with money. So, I am not sure I see a problem.

Pickler

Hi free ff, I just re read your comments & story.

can I stress to you that I understand what it's like to have some bad experiences? I've had some bad experiences too, with friends of either sex whose partners didn't like me. I think a lot of times it's whats going on in their relationship, not you.

but you are right, who wants to get in the middle of anyone's domestic dramas? Not me. But, I just felt like you might miss out on something great, by limiting yourself to just girls/gay men.

i suppose what stuck out to me from your post was that you said you are looking for friendship in a new city. I know that feeling all too well, as I've moved a few times. Add that to being an xJW, it can be really lonely. I wish you all the best, finding friends can be hard. Even harder as you get older.

Good luck to you! From an Internet friend!!!

prologos

I am with caliber. if you value your marriage/partnership, any exclusive repeated direct interaction is not platonic.

The lunch counter of course is different from supper a deux in the dining room, not too far from the bedroom.

glander: if it were only plutonic (relating to plutocrats, money rule), it would be ok, but the couple in your good picture is infringing on Math 5:28. Jesus' non-platonic caveat.

New York 44 M: how to do you do [ guaranteed platonic ] business lunches with the opposite (or same) sex?

try always bringing along a trusted advisor.

good advise from all, if you really need it.

If you want to start friendships, go a less formal route, clubs, read the free events calender in your local newspaper.

Astronomy club (looking at heavenly bodies) with scopes.

Simon

Kudos to you, Simon, for having self-control and a conscience.

Actually, neither really come into it.

Yes, she's attractive but more importantly she's a lovely person that we're both good friends with and care a lot about. There is no 'desire' that requires self-control and no 'intention to do wrong' that requires a conscience to correct. Angharad isn't concerned in the least if I tell her I'm going for lunch with her and neither am I with her if she's meeting up with another of our friends who happens to be a guy.

I can see how things could be different though - it really depends on the people and circumstances involved. I think it is safer is spouses know about friendships and ideally are friends with both partners as well.

Simon

The lunch counter of course is different from supper a deux in the dining room, not too far from the bedroom.

Wow, maybe we were just too focused on eating!

NewYork44M

how to do you do [ guaranteed platonic

There are no guarantees. But if you trust and that trust is well placed, I see no problem. If there is no trust, the lunch is not the problem, it is probably something else.

jws

Lunch is different from dinner. At lunch, the day isn't over, there are things to do. During the week, there's work to go back to and on weekend, chores to get done. Night time is a lot more open and can lead to other things. IMO, anyway.

I have plantonic relationships with women. A few of them are lesbians though. And a few others that I can't say were always platonic, but mostly are now. I have one female friend who I used to work with and she's married. I used to visit with her and her husband before, during, and after I was married both with my wife and without. Mostly with her husband, sometimes without. She's older than me by maybe 15 years and I've never thought of her in a sexual way or even considered that. And I think it helps a lot that I know her husband and he knows me.

I think it can happen. But your JW training would tell you not to be alone with a married man. Even if nothing was happening, there would be talk. So I can see where that guilt is still in your head. And I've gotta wonder what his wife thinks of all that. Most of the time if I'm with a married woman friend, my conscience tells me it's wrong. Her husband should be there.

Maybe it's the crowd I associate with now, but IMO, most guys are VERY untrustworthy when it comes to women. Even the married ones. Sometimes especially the married ones. Some may never make a move, but spending time with a woman may turn them on a bit.

Platonic relationships can happen. But there's usually this thought in the back of your minds, wondering what the other is thinking. Wondering if there might be some sex to score. It's instinct. It's in our upbrining. Our instincts react to the attractiveness of somebody of the opposite sex. And sharing time together can signal to us that the other person is obtainable.

Beware if the talk ever turns negative towards his wife.

freeflyingfaerie

Caliber~ But does that trust get broken down if the mate knows the other likes to spend their free time spending time together with that friend? I just feel so obtuse about this. I think you're right, its walking on thin ice. Only because we aren't robots, we're humans and we have feelings.

New York~ I don't mean business lunches, I'm referring to arranging a lunch for the sole purpose of enjoying each other's company. I've had lunch with males I've worked with and feel fine about it.

Pickler~ Thank you!! It's nice to hear real-life stories about it working with no drama. Even as I type this, though, I can't get it through my head to work for me. Maybe some day. I admit I'm a bit fragile on some subjects.

Prologos~ Lunch could also not be far from the bedroom or wherever. Feelings aren't nocturnal...don't just suddenly kick in after 5 pm, they grow any time of day. The astronomy idea I like....who am I kidding, I'd still go alone, not join the club. Love star-gazing.

Simon~ Thanks for explaining.

jws~ I considered that it could be my jw upbringing, but really, I think it boils down to what you said here:

Maybe it's the crowd I associate with now, but IMO, most guys are VERY untrustworthy when it comes to women. Even the married ones. Sometimes especially the married ones. Some may never make a move, but spending time with a woman may turn them on a bit.

You make good points.

Beware if the talk ever turns negative towards his wife.

Yes, I've had that happen. Wanting to confide.

None of this is making me wish I'd gone to lunch with this man.

Hortensia

You should trust your instincts more. This troubles you, and you made a good point -- that he should save his compliments and attention for his wife. On some level you feel the attention is inappropriate. Go with your instincts. Another time with another person you may have a completely platonic relationship with no underlying feeling that it might be wrong. This time I think your instincts are right and you should not get involved.

Platonic "Lunch"

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