Oh, wise one, answer me THIS!

stillin

I bought a large container of strawberries. My daughter is disfellowshipped. May I consider it "necessary family business" to give her some of them to share with my grandchildren?

nugget

no in JW world unless they are starving strawberries are a privilege shared only with the faithful.

talesin

Times are tough for EVERYONE.

So you took some groceries to help out your daughter and grandchildren, while using the opportunity to 'plant a seed', in the hopes that she will 'return to Jehovah'.

How could anyone fault you for that? hmmmm ...

t

whathappened

Do what your heart is telling you to do. Give your girl the strawberries!

jam

Well my mother gave her grandkids (my JW sister) clothing

for school. My sister returned all(clothing) and told my mom

they were demon possessed. So how does that work ( being humane)

to a DF person and showing love to your grandkids, NO, you

must show tough love, that,s not family business.

Newly Enlightened

Stillin. Don't let a religion dictate to you what love and compassion you can show to your children.

Thomas doubted Jesus, but Jesus never shunned him. No, he patiently showed him the nail prints and knife mark. Peter denied Jesus 3 times! Then a few days later Jesus is giving him the keys to the kingdom.

Because of this religion my mom & siblings shunned my little brother because he was gay, even tho he was never baptized. He ended up committing suicide. How could a parent live with themselves after something like that? I couldn't bear it. Could they be held accountable for bloodguilt?

I don't know that is between them & Christ. But I wouldn't want to take that chance and lose my only kid.

stillin

Nugget: I was afraid somebody would say that, yet there's a familiar tone...

Tailspin: I think there are many who WOULD fault me for it. Who's fault is that?

whathappened: what happened is you have a heart!

Jam: your sister is nuts. I hope it doesn't run in the family.

Newly Enlightened: I'm truly sorry for your loss. I want my kids to be happy all their lives.

outsmartthesystem

The society would advise that you give the strawberries directly do your grandchildren thus maintaining your strict stance of absolute shunning

Actually I remember our douche bag CO giving a talk once similar to this. He said "I have a beautiful example for you. I know of a brother whose father was disfellowshipped. Unfortunately, this dear brother's sibling was killed in a car wreck and of course the funeral was going to be planned and paid for by the parents. Well, our dear brother was helping out with the arrangements and he called to talk to his mother. His father picked up the phone. Our dear brother asked to speak with his mother. The father said "you know....I am still your dad. And even though I am disfellowshipped, you can still talk to me about necessary family business". Our dear brother said "Yes dad I know that. But I can also talk to mom about it. Please put her on the phone". Isn't that a wonderful example of upholding Jehovah's righteous requirements?"

So there. According to our CO.....even family emergencies do not qualify as an excuse to talk to disfellowshipped loved ones. And yes, he kept saying "our dear brother" over and over again.

stillin

Outsmartthesystem: yeah, a father who gives his daughter strawberries is by no means "dear." How will my daughter ever learn if I go around showing her that I love her?

talesin

My father was able to take me strawberry-picking every year up until he was not well enough (Rheumatoid Arthritis, nuff said!) ....

I am 'disabled' (that is TRUE, at the moment, so I put it in quotes to show how the ELDERS see it) ... so, he and my mother are allowed to have 'limited association' with me. Hey, it's not much, trust me! LMFAO!

Strictly speaking, I can survive without any association, but I have chosen to keep my parents in my life (no, not my sibling, nor any other family members - all the others shun me). If I could go back to age 20, I may have chosen differently, and just walked away. But, I was unwell, and totally spinning - all alone in the world, no social skills, no education ... so I do not fault myself for the choices I made then. When we know better, we do better -- words to live by! Learn from the past and move on. So, I spent a couple of decades trying to make my parents love me, be proud of me .. that was a waste,, lol! but here we are... I will be supportive of them now in their time of pain.

And showing you the way this gurl 'gets around' the unspoken rules; depending on your congregation, and your family's standing, you may be able to do the same ... it's all politics .... what hypocrites they are. uggh

Now, that being said --- don't get the wrong impression. My parents help only when I ask, and grudgingly ... that's fine. They have disinherited me, so my brother and kids get all the land/money. So that's not to say all is well ...

I just see my parents as old and sick, and it's just past all recriminations. If I had chosen to cut ties way back, then fine. Since I've stayed in touch, though, there's no need to be bitter and hateful to two sick, old people who are in a lot of pain.

xo

t

Oh, wise one, answer me THIS!

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