Ok I feel almost embarrassed coming to this board and asking advice about something that my common sence has already answered for me, but I hesitate because of possible fall out unique to JW issues. Most of my posts on this board lately have been about my 21 year old son's involvment with the JW's encouraged by JW mom, both knowing I'm against what they teach. I've gotten some good advice on this board by some of you who answered a previous post of mine related to my concern of me being an enabler to my 21 year old son. He's not working, not going to school and needs to be provided for as if he was 12 years old. He does look for work but not aggressively. He quit school and has no plans on going back. Now's he's asking me for money so that he can hang out with some JW's friends belonging to the congregation of his aunt and uncle that he met when he stayed with them for a couple of months last year. They are vacationing in our area and want him to go with them to popular theme parks in our area. He has no job, no money, no real sence of reality. He is no longer my responsibility and yet I continue to provide for him because he can't do it himeself. He's in lala land and his mother and her whole JW family have been love bombing him big time trying to get him baptized. I look like a jerk at every turn. If I continuing enabling him, he wont learn the realities and can't be so picky about your employment. He has the option to be picky because I've been giving him that ability. I don't necessesarily want to make this about punishing him cuz he needs my money to be with JW's but I'm really beginning to hate all things JW because of what it's done to my family and it's getting harder to keep faking it...
Advice on being an enabler to my unbaptized JW son
by marriedtoajw 12 Replies latest jw friends
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Satanus
What is your question, again?
S
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LostGeneration
Man up.
If you set the example of a man, your son will become a man as well.
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Retrovirus
Don't give him a cent.
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jamiebowers
He is no longer my responsibility and yet I continue to provide for him because he can't do it himeself.
Bold mine.
The fact is that he won't do it for himself. You're doing him a great disservice. If he wants money to hang out, he can earn it daily as a day laborer. Then he can pursue a regular job.
Our son worked almost full time his last two years of high school. Even then he had to wait until age 18 to get his driver's license, because he failed to save $200 for driver's education. He paid his cell phone bill all along, and we gave him a car and paid for his insurance until he graduated high school (from November until May). Now at 24, he is self-suffiient.
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jgnat
I was part of a divorce support group for many years. Teenagers similarly try and pit one parent against the other, and will often choose to live with the irresponsible parent because there are fewer consequences, less work, poorer supervision and so on. Invariably, the irresponsible parent would tire of the child and boot him back.
Your son does not need pocket money from you, and you can explain why. Even the bible says a man who does not work also shall not eat. Don't worry about being the responsible parent and possibly alienating your son. In the end, you are the one who will be there for your son through good and bad.
I can't remember if you are still married and under the same roof. Are the finances separated? I am trying to figure out if your wife can bypass you even if you say no, simply by getting the money herself.
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happytobefree
You issues are not JW related. Man up...stand your ground (this is what will help your son). Even progressing in the JW faith take some initiative and hard work.
Sometime instead of pointing a finger...you have to point the thumb.
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jgnat
I told my children once they turned eighteen, they would start paying rent. I asked for something below the market rate. That caused a furore. Even my extended family gave me grief over that. This is what my (naturally responsible) daughter did. Outraged, she declared her intention to move out. Her needs weren't that great. All she needed was a small place, preferably with all hardwood floors, that would take her two cats and her dog. I noted the classifieds with circled apartments on the kitchen table. I said not a word. Within a week there were no more classifieds and no more talk about moving out.
It's called growing up. Some learn with a bump.
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zed is dead
Tell him to "keep his eye simple," and don't cough up money except for necessities. Theme Parks with friends: I don't think so!
zed
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DesirousOfChange
I would only pay for necessities ie insurance, food, etc.
Theme park visit. Bullshit! NO WAY!
Get a job!
Doc