Advice on being an enabler to my unbaptized JW son

by marriedtoajw 12 Replies latest jw friends

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  Mum

  You need to give your son some motivation to finish school and to learn some job skills, and, ultimately, earn his own way. You will not accomplish this by not requiring something of him. I would tell him there will be no more money unless he re-enrolls in school or takes GED classes and either graduates or gets his GED, and then he has to get a job, even if it's working at a fast food restaurant, as a janitor, or whatever he can get. Then he might be motivated to get more education so he can get a better job.

  If you want to continue giving him money, make him work for you and earn it first. This kid needs to face reality, the sooner the better.
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  nonjwspouse

  My sister rescues her son. She justifies it each time with one thing or another. It all sounds good, but it isn't helping him. He has become dependant, yet wants the privilidges of being independant. Can't have it both ways if you are acting like an adult.

  But If I were you I would not do this suddenly. Give him deadlines for things. Help him without doing things for him. He WILL fail now and again. That's ok, those sre usually the best lessons. It's so, so hard watch them fail when you KNEW they would fail. But the only way for him to grow is to experience the decision making and critical thinking skills.

  Above all of course is to show your love for him regardless of success or failure. You should not be a financial safety net, but you are an emotional safety net. You will be there for him anytime he needs someone to talk to, to listen, to give advice when asked.

  All of this is way easier to type than to actually Do. I have three adult children, with the next one quite a ways off from that time, but it will be here before I know it.
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  ruderedhead

  married, you already know the answer. You just need confirmation that you're doing the right thing, and I think you have received that here. You are in a very tough situation, and I feel for you.But you have to allow your son to become the man he is capable of becoming.I believe 2Thess. 3:10 might help you. Show it to your son. He must some day be able to support himself.I know there is a scripture that speaks to a man supporting his family, perhaps someone can help you with that one.

  His mother and her jw family are crippling him in order to get him into their religion. They don't see it that way, but that's what is happening. It's up to you, my friend. It will be hard on you. But at 21, living at home with no expenses, he should be able to pay his own way to an amusement park! Why isn't he embarrassed that he can't? Have you tried sitting down with him and mapping out a plan for his future? Where does he want to be in 5 years? 10? How will he accomplish those goals? Please tell your wife that she is not to give a grown man with no job, is not looking very hard for one, and who is not attending school any money! All the best to you!