by Gabriel_Walker 18 Replies latest jw friends
Everyone deserves to know the truth about "the truth." (TTATT)
I suggest you start by reading some books. Steve Hassan's books are a great place to start. His latest one is FREEDOM OF MIND and information can be found at http://www.freedomofmind.com/
I suggest that, because you really have to learn how to approach the subject, how to proceed carefully, and what to do in the long term to help people who are not ready to learn TTATT.
First of all, are you financially independent? If the relationship you enjoy with your parents went sour, could you easily move out on your own? If not, don't rock the boat.
Second of all, I suggest you broaden your goal to help your parents think independently and make up their own minds on what they want to do with thier lives, their future.
Finally, start by asking open ended questions to help them think, and honor their opinions, carefully thought out, even if they are different than your own.
Your English is very good. I see only one misspelled word, "appreciated".
WELCOME Gabriel!
"I'm 25, I was raised in the "truth" but I never got baptized, I haven't been in a kingdom's hall in 6 years, I live with my parents and we have a good relationship.
My dad doesn't have jw relatives, my mom has a few though and both have wordly friends."
Let me say first off........... it sounds like you have the perfect JW parents! They sound supportive, flexible and even have wordly friends!
So why and what do you need to change? Are they happy with their lives and their religion? Is being a witness a negative or positive thing for them?
It's sounding to me that as a guest in their home you might want to just respect the fact that they treated you just like they want you to treat them by respecting their decision to be JW's
There is one discussion that you might want to consider.............their feelings about the blood issue. Depending on their health and age and if you continue to live with them or close by...........you may be called on to represent their interests in a medical emergency. Especially as reguards to their recieving blood factions.
Apparently many witnesses don't fully understand that they can take all of the blood factions they need according to the WT (which has flip flopped on this issue) but not whole blood. Factions put another way is like pizza being banned by the Society but it's ok to heat up a crust, spread some tomato source on one side of the plate some melted cheese on another side and eat away. It's not a pizza so you can consume it!
As someone who would be involved in helping them through the results of an accident or illness you should know if they understand that their lives can be saved medically without going against their beliefs. That might be an area you could or should discuss. Also if the situation is reversed can you trust them to protect you? In any event maybe you need to carry your own card that says I DO ACCEPT BLOOD!
Read up on blood issue first at jwfacts.org or do a search on this site.
“Gabriel_Walker”:
Welcome to the Board! It’s a big step to actively be part a support group such as this. You’ll find much advice in a cross-section of viewpoints and perspectives here.
Your situation is somewhat similar to mine in that you were raised in the “truth” and live with your parents.
“Cadellin”: “My parents are in their late 70s and early 80s--it would be far too shocking to try to "wake up" an elderly person.”
My situation is a bit more like yours in that my parents are around the same age as yours, nearing their mid-70s.
When parents become as set in their ways about something like the Jehovah’s Witnesses as much as mine are, having each devoted a good half a century of their lives to it, then it becomes irreparably entrenched into their very being. At that point in their lives, the very thought of their core belief system, hopes, aspirations, and efforts put forth therein turning out to be not what they thought all along is really unthinkable (i.e., living forever as happy, youthful people in Paradise, the resurrection hope for themselves or other loved ones, a sense of community in what was presented as a special group of people worthy of eventually growing to perfection, etc.).
All of this boils down to what decision is best for you in light of all the factors for all concerned. For many of us, including myself, much of what would be an advantage to being able to successfully fade from the control of the Watchtower religion is financial independence. It is a rather unusual situation for myself as I have actually been living with my parents for 46 years and have recently had to go on disability, so for me it is not only a challenge of financial independence but also that of emotional independence – not to mention the profound separation anxiety for my parents as well, considering the emotional entanglement from us sharing that many years under the same roof. (I’ve become a successful, and sometimes not so successful, “double-lifer.”)
However you slice the cake, it is not an easy or simple decision as to how best to proceed. As I am also a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I find that the Serenity Prayer, as simplistic as that may seem, is somewhat beneficial in keeping a sound perspective – you know, the one that asks God (of one’s own personal understanding) to grant the serenity to accept what can’t be changed, the courage to change what can be, and the wisdom to know the difference. I know that might seem like some kind of “fortune cookie psychiatry,” but sometimes simple is good, and sometimes it’s the only thing we can really hold on to.
Give it time, get a good bird’s-eye view of the logical, factual, and also uniquely personal aspects of what is available here, and just take it easy. Enjoy exploring different types of information and expanding your horizons. As they say, “you just might learn a thing or two.
Take care, and good luck.
Gabriel. Just saying Hi and welcome Affectionately: Brother of the Hawk (I will surrender my mind no more, forever)
Welcome Gabriel_Walker to JWN. Others have given you some great advice - especially OnTheWayOut and jgnat. Instead of helping to get your parents out, would it be more realistic for you to help your parents to critically think for themselves instead of blindly following the WTBTS? Let your parents decided for themselves after you help them to understand how the WTBTS's uses BITE control techniques to victimize them.
My other suggestions are to help your parents to make new non-JWs, do more non-JW activities that they like to do, and only ask them simple non-WTBTS doctrinal questions about how they feel emotionally and how they feel about WTBTS doctrines or how JWs treat each other.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
Wow, I wasn't expecting this many replies, thank you everyone for all the advice and for being so welcoming,
@Heaven: Lately they have started to increase their attendance to meetings and FS after being somewhat inactive for a few years.
@Cadellin: My dad is 62, my mom is 59.
@moshe: Right now I'm just trying to decide if I should give it a try, but I'll keep in mind your advice, maybe I can get a few of my uncles and aunts to help.
@bigmac: Gracias por el animo y saludos desde Chile (Thanks for the encouragement and greetings from Chile).
@whathappened: I'll look around the forums and see what I can find.
@LostGeneration: Both have wordly friends. My dad likes to fish but never has the time to do it, my mom doesn't have hobbies. They do like to travel tough.
@Ding: If they have any doubts they hide them really well.
@OnTheWayOut: Thanks for the advice, I'll check them out.
@jgnat: I'm not financially independent, but I have some savings and I could probably stay in the house of a friend for a few months while I find someplace to rent.
Thanks for the correction, I "appreciate" it.
@Giordano: They are good parents and good people, they don't deserve to be lied to and used by some corporation, but at the same time they are happy as jw, as I said to moche I'm just trying to decide if I should give it a try.
On the subject of blood I had a talk with my mom a few days ago, she accepted my will to recieve blood, I'll talk with my dad about it next week.
@SAHS: I'm sorry to read about your circumstances, my heart goes out to you. I'll try to get as much information and perspective as possible before I decide.
Gabriel_Walker...Hello and Welcome.
My answer is yes, by all means try.
Today, this minute? No.
You have been given a lot of good suggestions and if you use the above on the lefy "search" button, pop in your questions and you will get pages and pages of great advise, besides the suggestions in the above posts.
Someone recently posted this past week about awakening their parents. They took 2 years to groom them, to take the right moment, so the son wouldn't be outrightly rejected. His father was receptive, his mom is ill, and needs more time.
I am a born-in. I learned TTATT...(the truth about the Truth) just a year ago. I am 63. I had a few tense times, that I felt so lonely, only old "friends" could fill that void. I thought about going back to the KHall a few times, plus I missed the comradre of field service and...I missed walking into a place "where everyone knows your name". I fought it all and I have come out on the otherside so happy and free.
We only have one go 'round on this earth. The Society purposely puts too many restrictions on it's members to control them. My vote is for freedom of mind but done in a responsible manner.
Think over the great suggestions you have already been given and please let us know how things go for you.
Just Lois
