Some odd developments

by dissonance_resolved 18 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  dissonance_resolved

  So things are not making sense at all here in my fade. As I had posted earlier, I had a long intense talk the other night with my husband where I thought it was crystal clear just where I'm at right now with the WTBTS. Then, the same week, he's not feeling well and asks me to take the kids to the mid-week meeting. What did he not understand? Is he in denial?

  On the other hand, my parents are a different story. If I don't make a meeting, they _always_ check in with me to make sure everyone is ok and has a legitimate reason to miss the meeting (boy, are those running in short supply.). This week, we missed the midweek meeting and they did not mention it at all and both went on to have lengthy unrelated, happy discussions with me.

  I feel like I'm living in an alternative universe where my own actions and thoughts are meaningless.
• 

  JamesThomas

  "I feel like I'm living in an alternative universe where my own actions and thoughts are meaningless."

  Read about Plato's Allegory of the Cave.

  It may help you understand the dynamics of what is going on.
• 

  Oubliette

  dissonance_resolved: a legitimate reason to miss the meeting

  How about: It's a damaging, high-control cult and the WT leadership are a bunch of lying hypocrites that refuse to admit they are wrong.

  dissonance_resolved: I feel like I'm living in an alternative universe where my own actions and thoughts are meaningless.

  That's because you are. Welcome to reality!
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  That's a tough fade. Your husband is probably blocking out "his" problem that his wife has trouble with the religion.

  It's still a successful fade if you manage to keep these relations but have to be a bit bolder about why you don't go to the K.H..
• 

  Julia Orwell

  :( I wish I could say something to help but I don't know what to say. Keep your chin up I suppose.
• 

  breakfast of champions

  I think that much of what we do as human beings is done on a sort of "autopilot mode."

  Actually, much more than most people wish to admit to.

  Your husband is flying on autopilot. His autopilot program tells him "must get kids to meetings no matter what."

  It will take a long time and a lot of love and understanding to get your husband out of "autopilot mode" and to take control of his life.
• 

  JamesThomas

  The JW beliefs, are a closed universe (as is every belief system).

  As far as those engulfed and absorbed within it, nothing else exists. No message gets in from outside. We all know this.

  Via a miracle, you leave that universe and step into another. All significant and meaningful communication ends. Why question this? It should be expected.

  We all live in a mind generated universe made up of insubstantial thought, ideas, beliefs, and concepts, that are far removed from Reality. Our JW past, should have taught us this.

  The question is: What illusion are we trapped in now?
• 

  steve2

  You probably spent some time before your fade thinking about how you would manage your fade. So, you've stepped yourself through it, probably over and over until you felt ready ... or as ready as you'd ever be.

  By contrast, your husband probably hasn't given much thought to what your fade is about. In fact, he is having your self-decision delivered to him and, unless he is a self-aware and emotionally attuned man, you will have no idea what he makes of it.

  I guess it's similar to a wife who has been a full time " housewife" for years who informs her husband she's going for a job interview because she wants to earn an income to supplement his. Later he says, "The amount of work around this house sure keeps you busy...it's a wonder you can find time for anything else". The wife thinks, " Did he hear anything I said about getting a job?!" He probably did - but not at a deeper level. He's still operating on " habit-mode". So what is she to do? Explain herself all over again. No. She does not engage him more discussion - she simply goes ahead with her plans.

  There's an old saying in psychotherapy circles: You teach people who you are and what you want not by what you say but by what you do. Or, as the old truism has it, actions speak louder than words. Whatever this man of yours - or your parents - say, continue with your fade.
• 

  talesin

  d_r , I have the same feelings in my dealings with my 'parents' .. it's like a yo-yo, an emotional 'jerking around'. One never knows where one stands. ack.

  JamesThomas - your ref. to Plato's allegory ,, it's the third time I have heard/read that this week, in different places. Methinks I shall look that up. Thank you, and hope you are well.

  tal
• 

  whathappened

  Your husband may be acting like he is ignoring the problem, hoping it will resolve on its own. Your parents may have remembered the council to just encourage the weak meeting attenders. Time will tell.