Disassociation?

by Sunflower1982 23 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Sunflower1982

  Hi People! I was wondering if you all could take a moment to give me some advice…

  Since leaving my congregation and regaining clarity, I have been contemplating disassociating myself. I know it seems like a silly thing to fret about, but I think disassociation might give me the closure I’ve been looking for. I’m not lacking resolution as of how I feel about the religion itself; there is no way I will ever believe in the “truth” again. My concern is my relationship with the congregation. Although I’ve been inactive for a little over year now, part of me still wants approval from the congregation. No one in my congregation knows how I feel now and, on the few occasions when people come to visit me, I find myself nodding and feigning interest in whatever they’re saying.

  I’m so tired of hiding my true feelings and living in fear of JWs. Not that I’m harboring resentment against anyone in my congregation, but I’d rather not speak to any of the brothers or sisters again. I’d rather not have to make awkward small talk while quietly losing my mind whenever I see them in public. And the only thing I can think of to put an end to that happening is to disassociate myself. That way, I can state my feelings honorably, and not have to worry about shying away whenever I’m confronted by an eager witness. I was thinking if I do disassociate myself, JWs will run from me like the little apostate from Hades, and I won’t have to hide from them anymore :oP

  So what do you all think?
• 

  rhett

  Do it! It certainly seems like it would give you the closure you want/need. Also, you've definitely thought about the impact it would have and certainly don't seem to mind. DO IT!!!! Personally, I love the way most JW's act when they see me out somewhere. Its so much fun!
• 

  mpatrick

  Once upon a time, I strongly wanted to disassociate myself. But, now I am glad that I didn't. My JW father will talk to me because I am not d'f or d'a, even though he doesn't go out of his way to associate with me. It has meant a lot to me when he came to see my children after they were born, something he probably wouldn't have done if I was d'f.

  Also, a couple of years ago I went to the memorial to see all my old friends, and it was nice that they all talked to me. I have gotten past the point of caring what they think...I am so happy I didn't give the Organization the power to hold "disfellowshipping" over my head and to dictate who could and couldn't speak to me.
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  Yerusalyim

  If you need that closure go ahead and do it. I think I would find closure in simply stating when asked, "No, I'm not a JW" Why play by rules you no longer apply to yourself.

  YERUSALYIM
  "Vanity! It's my favorite sin!"
  [Al Pacino as Satan, in "DEVIL'S ADVOCATE"]
• 

  dmouse

  I've never seen the point in DA'ing myself. IMHO it's like asking for one of their labels to make it easier for THEM; screw 'em I say!

  Of course, it's your decision, and what you decide depends on your circumstances. If you have family still in I would just fade away so they can still talk to you.

  Some feel a powerful sense of closure when they send a letter outlining why they don't want to be considered a JW anymore, but it won't change anyone's mind, it won't stop the rumours they will spread about you (it might make them worse)and it's a one shot thing.

  If you just fade away you might get the chance to talk to more JWs and spread the truth about the 'truth'.

  So, it's your call...
• 

  Pathofthorns

  Think about it for maybe 6 months or more to make sure you want to do this. It is one of those very final things you do that you never go back.

  JT will inevitably post his standard reply showing that disassociation is just another thing you can do to play into the hands of the WT because it is an invention of their own legal department.

  About the worst thing you can do to them is have it your way and not be subjected to their shunning. By disassociating yourself you are showing you submit to them and play by their rules. I would recommend just moving on and letting them play their own silly games among themselves. But you do whatever you want.

  Path
• 

  JT

  You are very wise to seek advice before you make a move

  Personlly i would never recommend it, because:

  DA is a concept of the WT legal desk and they WANT YOU TO DO THAT

  It is their rules, their concepts and even on the way out the door you still reconize their authority that they have vested in Mo,Larry AND Curly aka Service Committee

  To me the most powerful thing that you can do is walk out and never look back and go on and live your life as you please.

  When they see me and Lady "C" they will see us on TV standing next to Jesse Jackson running for The Senate Seat here in MD - smile

  (OK ---i couldn't think of anyone else besides Jackson, Al Sharpton, just didn't cut it"

  and they will say:

  "Ain't that James and Lady "C" on TV- he's running for office, we need to do something brothers" smile

  but the bottom line is each person must do what is best for them and gives them peace of mind,
  here is a link were we discussed many things to consider

  james

  LEAVING INTACT

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=5574&site=3#66584
• 

  LB

  Sunflower take your time. When I first came here I posted messages much like yours. I wanted to DA myself one minute, and not the next. I decided since I no longer felt I was bound by their "rules" I didnt have to DA myself. I would do what I believed to be right and ignore them. The congregation had long since seperated itself from me anyway.

  So should the jerks at the hall decide to DF me, let them go ahead. Of course I would make it very difficult for them in a legal sense, and they know it.

  
  Never Squat With Yer Spurs On
• 

  Elsewhere

  I know what you are going through… I feigned interest for years, all the while finding it exhausting.

  I encourage you to DA yourself – but keep in mind the consequences. All of your friends and family that are in it will shun you. If you have good friends and family outside of the organization, you should not have too much of an impact.
  
  There were several reasons why I officially DAed myself. I wanted it official that I was no longer in any way affiliated with the WTS and JWs. It also irked me that they would continue to count me as a member in there annual reports. I wanted to make sure their numbers were minus one.

  You mentioned that you want to state your feelings honorably. That is a noble goal, but you have to remember that there is no honorable way to leave the organization. If you DA yourself, you are shunned. If you are DFed, you are shunned. You are automatically presumed to be evil because “you are leaving God’s organization”

  You must also remember that any letter that you send to the elders will be suppressed as “confidential” – so no one in the congregation will be able to find out why you left. To resolve this, you will need to send everyone you are concerned about a copy of your DA letter and possibly a personal letter to the person.. You can do this my mail, or hand delivery. Make sure you let your friends know in the letter that you are not rejecting them – just the teachings, etc…

  Good Luck!

  "As every one knows, there are mistakes in the Bible" - The Watchtower, April 15, 1928, p. 126
  Believe in yourself, not mythology.
  <x ><
• 

  JT

  JT will inevitably post his standard reply showing that disassociation is just another thing you can do to play into the hands of the WT because it is an invention of their own legal department

  ######

  Path you are bad, but hey it is so true though

  it is so important in my view for folks to stop and think about the Caliber of folks we as jw assoicated with-

  it ain't like we were hanging out with Lawyers and Dr.

  not to say that NONProfessional folks are less, but only to highlight that going to the avg elder with his little High School degree, flunky job at "Quickie Mart" so he can be a reg pio-
  this is the same guy who will now PASS OFFICIAL JUDGMENT ON YOU
  please give me a break

  most jw are so backwards it ain't funny, when you spread it across the board, western countries, latin and african countries you are looking at a religion where the avg man in local leadership position possible has less than a High School diploma,

  consider that just 2 yrs ago you would have went to one of these Clowns (including myself when i was an elder) for advice and direction on whether you should let your wife die or give her Blood Factor "G" OR SOME of those other big words that the avg elder didn't know what the He!! they stood for

  i was the SEC in my hall and each Jan i gave the Blood directive talk and passed out the cards

  and i use to tell Lady "C" even in those days, i feel sorry for the bro down in Missippi and Hills of West VA. and Lord have mercy on the poor rank and file in some african country with the top education level in the Hall Maxing out out the 4th grade

  and yes this elder will advise sister old what to tell a Dr with 8yrs and 23yrs of medical exp what constitutes WHOLE BLOOD AND BLOOD FRACTIONS

  i HOPE THAT you are getting my point, i like to illustrate it this way.

  you are woman and you go to your OBGYN- he ain' there that day so they tell you another dr will see.

  Well Ralph the Plumber(represents elders) is in the examining working on some pipes

  all Ralph life he really wanted to be a Dr. so with noone watching he reaches up behind the door and grabs that White Coat, it fits nicely too , he reaches over to the table and grabs his "Scope" hangs it around his neck like he saw the Dr do it on "ER"

  then the nurse tells you go into room 3 and before Ralph can take off the jacket you walk in, climb up on the table,

  then Ralph thinks "Hey let me try this i have seen enough on ER to try this"

  so all of a sudden he tells you to disrobe and spread them, knowing that the reg Dr is out, you think this guy is REAL DR.

  SO OFF your panties goes and he is standing there looking at your "Coochie" and in walks the nurse(represents former jw)
  tells you the real deal about old Ralph - HE AIN'T NO DOCTOR

  So my question to you is this:

  Would you feel any need to go back and explain to Ralph why you won't be coming back to see him anymore?

  and to me it is the same with anyone connected to this group

  we worked for a company that we thought was a religion with men who were no more than "Plumbers" and we thought they were Spirtual Dr cause they had on the WHITE COAT

  now that you and i know who they are why would anyone want to have anything to do with them?

  but the choice is yours

  james