by Sunflower1982 23 Replies latest jw friends
I'm sorry I couldn't resist JT
The sarchasm in your post was priceless, especially from our perspective now, because we know it is all true. At the same time, your average JW will get upset to read it, but for the same reason that it is all true. Brutal honesty hurts sometimes but sometimes you need a wakeup call.
Path
a former JW made this post:
"Make sure you let your friends know in the letter that you are not rejecting them – just the teachings, etc…"
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In my view this shows why knowledge of how High Control groups works is so important.
What possible purpose could this serve in view of the fact that from the day that a persons becomes a jw it is pounded in their heads over and over ANYONE REJECTING THE TEACHINGS ARE REJECTING YOU
over and over we have seen what happens the minute that a family or loved one hears the words "I'm not sure about the Society"
they for the most part shut down and go into "YOU ARE REJECTING GOD MODE"
The only jw who can separate leaving the Org with not leaving god or the person are Former JW--almost every jw down to the man and woman
firmly believe due to indoctrination that to renouce ANYTHING as it were --that the wt teaches you are rejecting god and them
we have seen what happens here on this site when folks told thier wives and parents how they felt and the almost complete lockdown mindset that kicked in
I keep telling you folks TOO MANY FOLKS LEAVING WT ARE USING THE WRONG APPROACH
and they pay for it with UNNEED AND UNNESSARY PAIN AND GRIEF in my opinion.
I you plan your exit out of wt it will at least HELP
to have a Plan that doesn't work is always better than having a no plan, with a plan it MIGHT WORK, but with no plan we have seen that it NEVER WORKS
JUST MY 2
Well, being as I live several houses away from an elder and his family I was constantly getting little "surprise" visits wondering if we were all ok as we hadn't been to the meetings in awhile. My friends would feign interest in stopping by to see how the garden was doing or if I wanted to stop over for dinner and study the watchtower together. It was getting very annoying and impossible to avoid the questions and guilt trips (didn't work, but bothersome all the same). Of course, this was just a couple of my closer friends, we were forgotten and ignored by 99% of the congregation after missing our first month of meetings.
Anyway, after spending an hour debating with two elders for the second visit that week, I just realized they were either going to try and beat it into my head that the organization's teachings were the truth or I was going to be disfellowshipped. The days previously I had 2 deep discussions of my position with two friends who I thought were the most understanding. I wanted them to know my reasons for leaving. So at the meeting with the elders, I knew that had already tied up loose ends and I was ready to just move on. So I stopped the elders in the middle of their "speech" and asked if I could just have some paper and a pen so I could disassociate myself from this organization.
They acted stunned and got teary eyed. They asked me if I really wanted to do this and I said "Yes, I've already thought it out and prayed about it and done my grieving over being deceived, I'm ready to move on.". So I did and I walked out feeling relief. That relief is still there and I don't have to deal with trying to talk to any of them about the "truth" anymore.
I felt it provided more of a statement to those that knew me better. They knew I felt that the organization was lying. I didn't want to be disfellowshipped because of celebrating Halloween or something stupid later on. So I'm glad I did it. YOu do what's best for you. Remember, real friends love you unconditionally. If you'll lose them from fading away, what's the difference?
Anne
Sunflower,
Lots and lots of good advice here, listen to what everyone is telling you. One of my very first posts was a thread just like this one. I too wanted to DA myself desperately a couple of months ago.
I know it is hard dealing with all the bull, I understand it completely, I've been totally frustrated with it myself. I didn't write the DA letter I wanted to write a couple of months ago and even though at times I thought I couldn't take all the hiding and secrecy anymore, I am glad I didn't and haven't written that DA letter. I have since read up a lot more and learned more and have a better and clearer understanding of many things. I think it would have been a mistake for me to write it. I have my husband and his family to think about, if I DA myself my opportunity to get them out will be gone maybe forever. So as hard as it is, I continue just being inactive. Through the very helpful and kind advice of others here who have taken the time to email me and help me, I have been able to come up with ideas to keep the elders and everyone mostly away. You can do the same. I know right now all you want is to be left alone to live your life without having to hide anything or worry about what you do when or with whom. If I was single and didn't have my husband and his family to think about I would write the DA letter just to have closure. Everyone's situation is different.
The one thing I would like to say is that whatever you decide to do, please think about it carefully before you do. DAing yourself could make you even more miserable than you already are being inactive. Weigh the pros and cons carefully please. Unfortunately and sadly, there usually are never any easy choices when leaving the organization.
Every ones circumstances are different.
Question: "Do you have any family in the Borg?" If so they will cut you dead , walk past in the street and pretend they dont know you.
If you do have family , consider carefully their feelings.
If not and you really dont want to have to be doing with them any more - then do it if you want to walk away. But the other posters are right when they say that the cong will not know why , or even care why, very much . To them you will be just one of the "Evil Slave", who went away being "Not of our sort"
If it will make you feel good , do it!
JT. What do you have against elders, as we were, who have not had equivalent of a high school education?
In Britain we call that snobbish . A couple of the best men I knew in the Elder bodies were plumbers by trade , but they had perception, could read character and had love for their charges. You can't judge a book... etc
A big plus for DAing is that they no longer can threaten you with DFing. Of course, everyone's thought, circumstances and feelings are different. I DA'd myself to end their watching my every move, even though I had been inactive about 5 years and threatening me with disfellowshipping.
Overall, I would wait and see what developes. Consider your options and the ramifications. Either way, you are going to lose friends, if they were ever actually friends. Even inactive, many will just pretend you don't exist, it is their WT conditioning.
Take your time and pray about it, discuss it with others, as you are doing, then decide a few months from now.
If God's Spirit is filling a Kingdom Hall, how is it that Satan can manuever the ones within that Kingdom Hall at the same time?
I chose to disassociate myself and have never regretted it. I have seen many friends try to maintain increasingly tense and meaningless relationships with loyal JW family. In my opinion, any relationship based on a lie is a waste.
Don't do it because it is their rules, do it for your own sense of closure.
hey!! LB tht's a great way to look at it...
the congregation disassociated itself from you!!!!
leads on to another thought...could send them a letter telling them they are disfellowshipped from you!!!!!!!
Thank you all for responding! Wow, I just started posting here today, and already I feel so welcome!
All of you have good points, and it is going to be a difficult decision either way. Fortunately, my family is not in the “truth,” so I do not have to worry about losing them (in fact the further I distance myself from the WTBTS the happier they are). As for friends, I don’t really have any friends in my congregation. The few friends I had have been inactive or disfellowshipped, so I don’t think it will matter much to them if I disassociate myself either.
But just because I don’t have anything to lose doesn’t mean that I should DA myself. You make a good point in saying that by disassociating myself I would again be submitting myself to the rules of the WTBTS. However, like a few of you have mentioned already, I don’t want to wait for the elders to find a reason to disfellowship me. If I have to go, I’d rather resign than be fired. It doesn’t make much of a difference, considering my opinion of the organization is permanently changed, but I’d like to have some finality. Just to say the door is closed, you can’t fool me anymore.
I just disassociated myself about 3 weeks ago, I'm still not sure that it was the right thing to do. Not in the sense that I think the borg is right, or that JW-ism is the right religion, I am way beyond that.
When I da'd, I played by their rules. I disfellowshipped myself. I'm kind of regretting that. I did have some good friends in the org that I have no association with now. But at the same time, the org was and is making them crazy, which just depressed the hell out of me when I was in. And I couldn't keep living a lie (i.e. having them think that I was just "weak" or "inactive" when the truth is I think the whole bloody thing is a crock of shit that uses guilt and fear to keep people in submission).
Everybody is different and has different reasons for what they do. I just wanted to share my story. I know when I da'd it probably shocked the hell out of a lot of people. I emailed a bunch of 'em a link to www.escapefromwatchtower.com, they didn't appreciate it much.
