by joelbear 20 Replies latest jw friends
Difficult topic, JoelBear. Veerrryyyy difficult. Problem is, the person doing the shunning is usually the one who is in charge, so they decide when and where to shun, which effectively removes you from being able to do anything about it.
It really is such an amazingly beautiful series of interlocking systems that comprise what a human is. It's too bad we're working backwards from the object code, everything would be simpler with the source and a comment or three thrown in.
SYN,
You have a valid point, but the solution to this is not to be reliant on the person of authority... effectively taking the authority from them.
I was raised in a VERY patriarchal family and had to learn that lesson. Once I stopped being dependent on my family’s resources, they no longer controlled me.
"As every one knows, there are mistakes in the Bible" - The Watchtower, April 15, 1928, p. 126
Believe in yourself, not mythology.
<x ><
Hi Joel,
Shunning is the ultimate tool, but not the only tool, used by a cult to hold its members in line. However, I don't believe that it is possible to undo it as part of the JWs theology. It's one of the many tactics the cult uses very effectively to hold its members in line.
I believe that the only way that you'd ever see any movement away from it would be to have a "reform" movement of JWs who basically say "we're mad as Hell, and we aren't going to take it anymore." Of course, that will lead to the dissenting group being "shunned". But, at least they could move away from shunning. However, there will always be staunch adherents to the "orthodox" JW style who will not budge. It works for them. [Admittedly, in a distorted, antiseptic approach to life.]
I believe that this schism will actually take place in a relatively short period of time. With the Internet's wealth of information exposing the JW serious weaknesses, the most probable TV expose of their hidden child abuse, and more people just starting to talk and question it just has to fall from its perch [we can already see the cracks in the foundation among the declining western world membership].
But, sadly, I believe that shunning will always remain part of the theology for the orthodox few remaining.
The Decatur we're referring to is the one in Georgia, just to the east of Atlanta.
Francois
Only one way to defeat shunning. Don't practice it.
As I was ever so gradually exiting from the Witness mindset but still attending meetings, I’d finally figured out the evil of shunning. So, the last two df’d people I encountered I treated as I always did, ignoring that they had been df’d – spoke to them, talked to them. Well, one of them, anyway.
The other one told me I shouldn’t be talking to him and so he shunned *me*! Made me sad. For him. Indoctrination is a bitch and he was fully indoctrinated.
Dia dhuit síbh. (God be with yall)
We are exploring this topic on another thread and I am going to start a further thread where we can get more specific. I think a lot of the suggestions in this thread will work. Especially in regards to not acting like you are dfed. But I will go more into detail tomorrow, for now here is the thread:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=25310&site=3
I have come to believe that it is us, the shunned, who give the power to shunning and not the shunners themselves.
We can choose not to be shunned. We can engage them. Of course, we can't storm their homes. But, we can call them, tell them how we feel about them and keep a conversation going.
I believe if we all did this that over time, the power of shunning could be greatly diminished. They all shun because the person next to them is shunning. If we can break the power of shunning we break a
great deal of the strangle hold that our loved ones are held by.
Why not try it and report our results here. Lets all try contacting one person who we havent talked with because of shunning and see what happens. I'm sure our experiences will vary but we can learn from each other.
hugs
Joel
My experience is that it doesn't work.
I openly talked with my closest JW friend after I DAd. She went along for a while until she got migraines from the stress from the inner conflict that was set up. She also had sent in a gift subscription to "Awake!" for me, but got into trouble for doing so. Similarly I've approached other JWs I've known, only to have them "flee" because they didn't know how to deal with talking with "apostates". I tried repeatedly to keep up communication with my JW aunt and uncle, also to no avail. What's that they say about "three strikes and you're out"?
So, as for me, trying to beat the shunner by not buying into the practice is not effective. And, that's OK for me. It's their loss, not mine. "With friends like those, who needs enemies." Good riddance to bad rubbish.
If someone is going to shun you, there isn't much you can do. In a public environment, you could say a big hello to someone, forcing them to directly confront their own uncomfortable feelings.
But as for phoning people who view you as dirt and who feel to shun you, I don't want to give them the satisfaction of my attention.
There is an excellent thread rated 5 stars near the top right now on shunning and relatives. I think that says it best.
Path
Hyglandyr, I'll be looking up for your thread.
Joelbear, someone will come with a solution... this forum will host it.
Yadira
