I struggle with this as well. I have been studying history. I read a book about the 100 worst atrocities in history, things beyond the widely known Nazi era. It was not unique. The more you study history you start to realize it was ond big sadistic disease filled bloodbath. The things that have been done to people, unspeakable. If you take the most depraved violent thought you can think of anyone doing to another person, it has all been done and more! This is not unique!It has been going on, is now, and will in the future. Many hundreds of millions have been slaughtered in the most brutal ways imaginable, all while Je-hovah looks on.
The Dubs say that Jehovah is not doing these things, but allows them to happen. To me this is just as bad. If I let my 3 year old daughter be babysat by a know pedophile, let her play in traffic, play by an inground swimming pool without permission, and just watch the results, what kind of father would I be? The worst kind. True I didnt DO anything to her, but society in general views non action, when you have the power to stop something to be reprehensible.
What king of father wouldnt warn Adam and Eve about Satan? Why did he put cherubs near the tree of life? Preventing them from living forever? What kind of father would confuse the languages of men because he said, "nothing they do is impossible if we let them be united and continue?" Why did he drown his children, one of the most terrifying deaths? Why not just put them to sleep like we do our sick pets? What kind of father just lets endless atrocites happen, over and over again, and not step in just because he was challenged? If I got challenged that my daughter didnt really love me and she only stays with me because I give her good food to eat and fun toys, would I let the challenger abuse her to the limit, just to see if she still loves me after? Only an egotistical sadistic human father would do this, but this is what the account of JOB entails. It always disturbed me greatly when when mentally in. I always thought it was selfish. Is that all God thinks of us? It is always said that Job gained more after. I ask what about the lives of all the servants, and his kids? Are they expendable?
What about Jepthahs daughter? It dosent say anywhere in the Bible that she served at the temple like the WT teaches, but some feel that she was a human sacrifice. I dont know, its possible. I ALWAYS struggled with Joshuas campaighn through caanan, slaughtering the population. Actually, that was one of the top 100 atrocites of the book I read. They estimated millions were killed, if the account is accurate. Imagine, the streets must have been RIVERS of blood!!! Cutting open pregnant women, etc. Tell me how did they tell a virgin to keep from a non virgin? I shudder to think.... But these were holy men... I always struggled with loving the God JWs worship and idolize as potrayed in the OT.\
On the other hand, I love the teachings of Jesus, and support what he taught.. I dont know.. My only thing that keeps me with any belief is the thought that maybe heaven is soooo great and wonderful, that any atrocity suffered here on earth will pale in comparison to how it is there, maybe even make it seem insignificant by comparison. But I still dont like the comparison to a human father because no human father would let their child suffer the way mankind has if he could help it FOR ANY REASON. I am still figuring out who I really am and what I really believe at this point..