Congratulations on letting yourself admit what you see!
As a mom, I also would say: 1st thing... reconnect with your son!
I was thinking about "the prodigal son."
He didn't have to go to meetings, go in service, say he was sorry a million times, sit before a committee of three.....
His dad saw him, ran to him... It was the other brother that was jealous, that wanted more.
Don't feel bad about the past... just love him, he'll let you. He needs you.
I am looking forward to hearing more from you :-)