Thank you for following my brief ramblings. This is all a new experience for me as well, mixed with roller-coaster emotions, and internal struggles to justify facts against feelings, with a liberal amount of reasoning tossed into the mix.
We are taught for decades to study, reason, think, and yet... here we are, in a position we would rather not have been put in, to know the truth about the truth. My foray into researching the familiar topics discussed on this site has only been in the last 6 months or so. Usually I study and peruse sites like this one, and others, in the evening, after the family has gone to bed and all is quiet.
One evening, early into my efforts to decifer these conflicting emotions, my wife comes out, and here I am with the WT library open, several books spread out on the table, computer open....... She says "What are you doing up so late?" "Just doing some studying." "I don't think I can remember you studying so intently before... everything alright?" "Yep, just studying."
Then, out of nowhere, came this comment, half-joking, half-serious.... "You're not becoming an apostate, are you??"
I chuckled, hiding my embarrassment and confusion and hurt all at the same time, and said something to the effect of "No, no, silly. Just doing some research on something that was on my mind..."
That one comment alone really struck me hard. I thought about it for a while. Then it came to me. Why is it that a person is automatically LABELED as a threat when they make the effort to question something, to do research that's 'out of the ordinary'. Now, I know she means no harm, She just uttered the first thing that popped into her mind......but it occurred to me that she was speaking from years of cult-like mentality that had been ingrained into all of our minds. That one simple comment insinuated that I was doing something wrong. Since when is RESEARCH and STUDY wrong??
Can we not listen to the experiences of REAL people, not just the sanitized, regurgitated versions we see on the platform at every DC, CA, and SAD? I am soooo tired of hearing about sister blahblah giving up a good-paying job just to pioneer... and look, she is doing just fine! OK, well, if you would like to help provide for MY family, I can pioneer full time too, please send the check to me at ........... anyways, I digress.
James Jackson, continue your journey. I will as well, I have yet to read Crisis of Conscience, I am almost afraid to in a way. I feel like I am holding onto questions that I know the answers to already. I appreciate Barbara Andersons story and website as well. JWFacts.com also. I like the facts, let's not muddle them with emotional outbursts and hate speech, just the facts.
Thus far, its been an eye-opening trip down the rabbit hole for me. I had never heard of the UN debacle, even being an elder at the time. Never heard of the Canti Conti case, never heard a peep about the child abuse cases that were paid off in California and across the country. I have always known that the claim of Elder's being appointed by Holy Spirit untrue, as I have seen some pretty nasty brothers in positions of power, in fact, some could be honestly described as "wicked". The "Holy Spirit" appointment process is a stretch at best, a fallacy manufactured by men to justify their own actions. It hurts me a little to say that, because at one time I believed in it. As I have seen more and more, as I have experienced more, I see what is real, not just what is perceived.
It bothered me that the WT and AWAKE were downsized, dumbed-down, and basically turned into coloring books and crossword puzzles for the illiterate. No more good, intelligent, thought provoking articles that MADE SENSE. Even the Study Copy of the WT has a "simplified" version for those folks that just can't follow the circular reasoning of the week. *sigh*
Then, the introduction of the almost-mandatory Family Study night, in place of the Book Study came along. Ok, I'll play along. I was a CBS Overseer for many years, and always had a good time with the groups. Now I could definitely sense dissappointment in the hearts of the friends. The one night when they could let their hair down a bit, enjoy a closer group, spend some time just being themselves in a warmer environment, was now gone.
Parts given at the assemblies are ALL manuscript. No more improvisation, just read what's on the sheet please brother, and don't muck it up. Experiences are bland, sometimes even embellished upon, painted over and given a coat of shellac. I have seen the CO, at assembly practice meetings, make sure that the brothers change their experience parts, even make stuff up, to make them seem more "lively", and to "fit" the point they are trying to make. Or "you can't say that, change your wording to this... we wouldn't want the Organization to look bad!" *sigh* I'm sure you've seen the same things.
The spontenaity (sp?) is gone, its all just more blah blah blah Listen Obey Listen Obey listen obey be blessed or else......You're not EVER doing enough, do more do more do more. Give up more, give up more, give up more, on and on and on. I am tired of the beat down.
Anyways, enough of my ramblings, this is your thread my friend, enjoy your journey, thank you for sharing.
Jack Harper, Tech49