Former, Long Time Part 2 (page 3)

leaving_quietly

Here's what happened to me when learning TTATT. Just preparing you for what may come for you:

1. Cognitive dissonance - learning that things that you believed deeply are not all true.

2. Could it really be? - The verification process. Claims made by others you must verify for yourself. This means LOTS of research. But, in my experience, when you never had time for it before, you actually make time for it now. It becomes almost a compulsion, an obsession. You have to re-prove "the truth" to yourself, and when you find out you can't, then...

3. Anger, dismay

4. Wanting to tell your closest associates (but can't because you'd be outed)

5. Dreams (oh, the dreams... they get really strange)

6. Then you think... oh, wait... I'm leaving out the most important thing... prayer! So you pray. Hard. Like never before.

7. You're mentally left in a kind of in-between state (between being a JW and not being one). At meetings, you quickly pick up on the wrong teachings. You quickly see misapplication of scriptures. You quickly recognize everything wrong. And it becomes really hard to hide your reaction.

8. At some point, acceptance. You accept that JWs are wrong. You accept JWs do not have "the truth". You keep up appearances for friends and family sake, but you know deeply that this cannot continue for the rest of your life, so you start planning your fade.

I'm at #8. Fading is the hardest thing to do when all your family is IN.

People leave for different reasons. Some because of how they were treated by elders. Some over the blood issue. Some over policies on child abuse. For me it was over teachings and Pharisaic attitudes encouraged organizationally.

All the best to you. Welcome to the board!

ProfCNJ

Good morning, leaving_quietly. I can relate to nos. 1, 2, 4, 6, 7 and even 8. Strange what you just stated are happening to me over the past 2-3 weeks already... Are these feelings normal?

Do we really have to go through emotional roller-coaster ride?

Comatose

I am so so happy to have our three new members. I just hope so much that one day my dad may be like one of you and wake up. Thanks for posting all three of you. Honestly, you don't know how much good it can do. Many witnesses lurk here and if they see good god fearing men waking up that can help them! I would encourage you to make the title of your post something that would be eye catching for a lurking witness or for someone who just stumbles upon it. They can be helped to know they are not alone. Many feel severe depression over these issues.

Many thanks again. Welcome!

DJS

James,

As I have learned from many of the wise ones on this forum for years, take your time and rationally think this through. You are embarking on a journey that, whether you may realize it or not, likely means taking your wall of faith down brick by brick. That is exactly what happend with me, but I cognitively knew that was where I was heading at the beginning of my journey out of the WT. I was in it for decades and served as an elder like you. I would also recommend that you continue your research; I read nearly everything about philosophy and religion upon my exit because I wanted to know how in the world I could have allowed myself to believe the WT and fall under its draconian control for so long.

I also took several religious courses when I returned to college; "In Search of the Historical Jesus" was one of the best courses I have ever had, and it opened my eyes to a more rational, secular view on the topic. After years of meditation and study I came to understand why I allowed myself to come under the WT control. The primary reason is that I was raised with a belief that the Bible was inspired and a belief in the god(s) of the Bible. Secondly I was raised around the WT from a young age. Then came the message of the paradise, the healthy way of living followed by JWs and finally the terrible history of Christendom. Once I realized all of this it was only a matter of time before all of the bricks were gone.

Good luck in your own journey and where it leads you.

Gayle

I love hearing these "Bells of Freedom" of all these new ones leaving the WTS:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAwz8ksoQLk

"Bells Of Freedom" - Bon Jovi I have walked all alone
On these streets, I call home
Streets of hope, streets of fear
Through the sidewalk cracks
Time dissapears
I was lost, on my knees
On the eve of defeat
As i choked back the tears
There's a silent scream no-one could hear

So far away from everything, you know it's true
Something inside that makes you know what you've got to do

[Chorus]
Ring the bells, ring them loud
Let them ring here and now
Just reach out and ring the bells of freedom
When your world's crashing down like you've lost every round
Stand your ground
And ring the bells of freedom

Up the steps of the church (*kingdom hall)
Through the fields in the dirt
In the dark I have seen
That the sun still shines for the one who believed

So far away, so full of doubt, you needed proof
Just close your eyes, and hear the sound inside of you

DesirousOfChange

I had read an article in our local newspaper which led me to ajwrb.org, jwfacts.com, here, and others.

That is a very interesting comment because several times on this board there have been members comment that they were considering submitting and article to their local newspaper. Evidently (love that word) that could realistically be a means of waking up others.

Do we really have to go through emotional roller-coaster ride?

Many of us do. If you have any emotions left -- I think it's unavoidable. There has been such an inner turmoil for me. I miss all of the "love-bombing" -- all of the "friends" -- I felt that I had "hurt" many of them. Yet, I now see that they really don't give a s4!t at all. No calls. No visits. Perhaps the "rumor mill" is chasing them away. God only knows what is being said about us. You find out it's all superficial. And that hurts.

Doc

jgnat

Welcome, newcomers, all. Zophar, I relate to your new ministry. I consider my gift to be one of encouragement, and I think the failure to provide a voice to the average Witness is a shame. You give them a voice, a safe place to share their disappointments.

JJ, I wish you all the best with your wife. For her awakening, let her take the lead and at her own pace. Keep few secrets.

jgnat

P.S. for all newbies, in planning your long, slow fade, don't forget to add new experiences, new friends in to your life. You might start by having your flesh-and-blood neighbours over for dinner or a beer. Go on a real vacation. Start a hobby. Establish date nights. Take a college extension course. Start building a life based on your interests and needs, rather than the organization's.

leaving_quietly

@ProfCNJ:

Are these feelings normal?

Do we really have to go through emotional roller-coaster ride?

These feelings seems to be very similar to the grieving process. We have lost something very near and dear to our hearts, even if it wasn't all true. It is surprising that some here left many years ago and are still coming here for their own personal reasons. I think there's still more steps after "acceptance", the big one... ACTING on what we now know. And because we are feeling, caring human beings, we have a hard time acting (that is, fading, leaving, moving on) when we know (a) what we will lose in the process, and (b) how it will hurt others when we do.

For you to have experienced all this in 2-3 weeks is amazing to me. It's taken me about two years to get to #8 on my list. Now, it's just going through the motions and trying to figure out how to get past this all. Maybe it's easier for someone who was not raised as a JW (I don't know if you were or not), but for me, this has been my life for nearly half a century. It's all I ever knew. And it sucks that I didn't know what I know now sooner.

Comatose

I second the reaching out to neighbors advice. They are not the evil zombies I thought. Some of the best people I know now. Love my neighbors.

Former, Long Time Part 2

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