JW's and Marriage (page 2)

chezza

Yes i agree with you there xena, i stayed for years in a marriage i was unhappy with just because of the "truth", i eneded up doing the "deed" so i could be free, am d/f, and i couldnt be happier.

SYN

Hehe, I still remember some of the 'marriages' I saw in the tR0opH! Horrific stuff, yes indeed!

Seven006: "Have you tried drugs? Shooting up a little heroin might do the trick, it's hard to type when your stoned out of your mind. I don't know how TR does it!"

My sister stayed in a verbally and sometimes physically abusive marriage because she didn't have scriptural grounds for divorce. I remember the elders coming over and telling her that Jehovah hates a divorcing and that if she left her husband and he committed adultry his blood would be on her hands.

Even as a JW this didn't seem right to me. That God would want anyone to stay in a relationship where they were being abused. In a relationship that was so dysfunctional. Her kids were nervous wrecks!

Fortunately he finally committed adultry and since he wanted to marry the woman she was able to get him to sign a paper admitting adultry. She wouldn't give him a divorce until he did this! The lengths she had to go to were ludicrous!

Now my niece is in the same situation and just waiting for her husband to commit adultry......sick isn't it?

lydia

Although I had a pretty good marriage as far as "dub's" go - that is until my x ran off with his mistress...
My 2 sister-in-laws stayed in horrible abusive marriges until just recently..both were raised in but never became true"dubs" - I was ostricized byt the cong. when my x left..Oh well..better off for me - I moved home and married my childhood sweetheart - D"ad myself and am living happily ever after..
My sister-in-laws are doing better - thanks to some reality lessons and support from my husband and I...
To bad that many Dubs just don't have sex ans save the whole problem..

Oh well..
Lyd

BluesBrother

Seems to me that there is more emphasis these days on the phrase "Divorce THAT ALLOWS ONE TO GET RE MARRIED"..eg Awake Feb 8th p10.

I know that it is not a new teaching ,but the emphasis always used to be on a divorce for scriptural grounds[adultery]only and maybe perhaps separation if he was beating hells bells out of you!
A scripture from Malachi was used to quote that "God hates a divorce"

The latest wording seems to suggest that it would be acceptable to separate and divorce for a variety of reasons - as long as you remained single, and hope the other one remarries and frees you "Scripturally" to re marry.

Billygoat

My dad has been verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive to our entire family. He's left several times. Last time he left, he left mom a note and took his clothes. He was gone for over a week...the longest he's been gone. When Mom realized he probably wasn't coming back, she was devastated. She's not a crier or an emotional person and she was downright devastated. Called me daily for a month in tears. *cringe* He was gone for six months total. But his abandonment wasn't enough for divorce according to the elders. As soon as he wanted back she took him. I think they deserve each other.

Andi

teejay

Whoa, Zee!! Love that pic, girlfriend! *boing*

Now... where was I?!!

Oh yeah...

According to WTS rules, JWs – particularly those raised in the truth – are in the sad position of going thru courtship under the weirdest of circumstances.

For one, dating itself is discouraged, and this is after an adolescence of not having much to do with the opposite sex except for meetings, field service and the occasional family get-together. So, when they decide on someone they want date, it's all business and they end up marrying damn near a stranger. Add to this the fact that long courtships are discouraged, and you have the recipe for a miserable marriage. Believe me... I know.

So, overall, I have the same opinion as you. I think there are a lot of Witness marriages that are unhappy. At least that was my perception. Since there's no way out (without having to deal w/ elders in a judicial setting) they just tolerate each other and hope that the New Order is right around the corner. Or that the other mate will do the deed and they'll be free.

ShaunaC

I agree with you too Xena. I for one stayed married for over 6 years knowing it wasn't right for me. When I separated with no action taken by the Cong. even private, many of the sister's immediately stopped speaking to me. I always had a suspicion they were jealous.

It was proved true, at least from one person, a year or so later. My best friend followed in my footsteps and left her unhappy marriage. She later admitted that she had stopped speaking to me to follow JW rules (her hubby was an elder) but secretly inside she was cheering for me.

I to this day believe much of my mother's anger towards me stems from her being jealous of my freedom. I think this is particularly true of all of us who were raised as a JW and married very young. I was 18, so was my friend, my mom was only 16.

Shauna

Xena

So if JW's stay in a marriage because they are forced to due to the rules of the religion, what do you suppose would happen if they left the religion? Of if just one of them left? I wonder how many would continue to stay together....

Glad you like the pic teejay

teejay

So if JW's stay in a marriage because they are forced to due to the rules of the religion, what do you suppose would happen if they left the religion?

It’s really hard to say, Xena. Too many variables.

The religion puts limits on what a couple can and can’t do; sometimes it causes stress that both feel (doubts, depression, etc.) that’s hard to relieve. That in itself may add to the unhappiness in the marriage. So, sometimes when they leave the religion together, it makes all the difference. They get closer and have a happy marriage. Others may divorce.

Of if just one of them left?

That’s where I am. I haven’t been to a meeting in years, but I don’t oppose her at all. She asked if I’d go to the Memorial but I didn’t go. It’s been more of an adjustment for her—when we got married I was having serious doubts but still attending—but she’s gotten used to the idea. I’m pretty much a homebody and she knows I’m not doing anything... um... extracurricular. But my situation is not the norm. Usually when one leaves the Organization and the other stays faithful to it, divorce court comes very soon.

I wonder how many would continue to stay together....

Me, too.

JW's and Marriage

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