Question for the married guys (page 5)

My experience has been that you can be acquaintances, but as you become "closer", the chances for more than just being conversation buddies gets more possible. I have had a couple of women friends, and on both occasions, we ended up in a physical relationship. It just seems that as men and women become close, a connection can easily form. Men are driven by physical attraction...women tend to bond through intimacy. If a man and a woman become emotionally intimate, it is very likely the physical intimacy will follow. My two cents...

Xanthippe

Wow, so many negative opinions about potential friendships with the opposite gender!

I have to tell you, I think you're missing out - it is totally possible to be married and have female friends as long as you are honest.

Thank goodness for Simon being willing to stick his neck out, I was beginning to feel I was surrounded by cavemen.

FlyingHighNow

Here is the thing: if you aren't attracted to a person and you aren't in danger of falling in love and running off with the person, you can be friends. I have mostly men friends. Not by choice, but it has just happened that way. I like it because I've found it's absolutely possible for men and women to communicate and to understand each other very well. I am not married. If a married man wants to be friends with me, I am careful about it. If there is a chance he is going to fall for me, I'm either going to let him know it's not cool or I distance myself if that doesn't work.

XBEHERE

Yes it is possible....

Simon

Thank goodness for Simon being willing to stick his neck out, I was beginning to feel I was surrounded by cavemen.

Yeah, me too!

It's easy to start imagining you must be doing something wrong or are the odd one out. The reality I think is that it's quite normal and perfectly fine to have friends of the opposite gender and whether they are fugly as hell or super hot shouldn't really matter.

Sometimes, I find my gender an embarrassment ... you really notice more if you're out with a group of attractive girls how many men leer at women but the look of puzzled bewilderment when they get to me is priceless - "how is he ... with them?!!"

flipper

I agree with Simon's take on this. If a husband and wife have a secure, trusting relationship then yes indeed- the wife can have male friends she keeps in contact with in a platonic way and the husband can have female relationships he keeps in touch with. This can happen whether the opposite sex individual is attractive - or not. If your marriage is on good solid ground , and trust and love are really strong with the marriage mates- then maturity and reasonableness takes over and paranoia dissappears.

That's not to say either marriage mate is gullible, or takes for granted their marriage mate by spending WAY too much time keeping in contact with the friend of the opposite sex to the neglect of their mate- in my opinion - that's twisted and wrong and unkind- a person SHOULD keep their eyes open and not put their heads in the sand if a trend happens where too MUCH time is being devoted to an opposite sex friend- THEN there may be a problem to indicate that something more physical in the relationship is happening.

My wife and I have made a good number of platonic friends on the board here of the opposite sex and that's all they are- very good, unconditional, platonic friends - and if either one of us tried to abuse those platonic friendships by going further- I'm QUITE sure our friends would put the stop sign up and tell us we had crossed over boundaries into a place that was not respecting their boundaries. So yes indeed, men and women can be platonic friends with unattractive or attractive people - if both parties in the friendships respect certain marital boundaries which can't be crossed.

Bottom line is we all cane from a mind control cult that told us we are all imperfect horndogs just waiting to have sex with brother or sister 80 yr.old if we were alone in a car group going out in service. We were TOLD we cannot trust ourselves and that we were BAD , evil, or immorally bent towards screwing anything that had legs and then some. Which is totally false. Most of us here have become better people after exiting the Witnesses and are able on our own to monitor our actions without being TOLD how to monitor our actions. We have more power and control than the WT organization gave us credit for. We are NOT imperfect sinners waiting to jump anyone's bones. Just my 2 cents

cofty

The OP asked if it was OK for a married man to be texting and calling a female friend who was not his wife.

I have had occasion to call, text or Facebook PM female friends for specific reasons. If it was a regular thing I think there is potential for problems, especially if your wife was unaware of it.

garyneal

Well, I use to correspond with a muslim woman who lived in the UK (I live in the US). Just penpals, strictly platonic, but to say there was zero attraction. I certainly could not say no and I don't think she could either. Still though, we kept is just friends if for no other reason than because we had an ocean between us and we had no plans to actually meet up.

There is a part of me that would like to seek her out and renew our friendship but I feel that it is probably best to let it go. I already know my wife would not appreciate it and I doubt whatever husband she has would not either. Before our friendship faded, she was dating an atheist and was becoming one herself but her older sister was a devout muslim. Don't know where she is religiously now. I was an IFB then and I sometimes wonder if my being so devout back then caused any dissonance. If that chick could see me now.

snare&racket

The reptilian brains wants booty..... Let the dragon out the cave people's!

Question for the married guys

?evrything

tenyearsafter