Like many, my path to the TTATT was a long and painful journey. I wasn’t mature or intellectually honest enough to "wake up" while still an active Witness. (I applaud those who have awaken while active; that is mental rigour I wish I had!) I had to confess my sins repeatedly, get disfellowshipped, be denied reinstatement, and then slowly, layer by layer, work my mind free.
I actually thanked my judicial committee when they disfellowshipped me. I thought this would help me out of my sinful state and was a loving provision from Jehovah. I would defend the JW religion to non-believers when I told them my story – I’d say that I had broken the rules. “See, they are principled and honest!” Pure d enial.
Eventually, after obsessive study I began to understand. The entire mental edifice just collapsed. I had created so many exceptions, so many “double think” threads that, when I looked at it, I said to myself “If this is the Truth, how exactly does it look any different than a lie?”
For a while I was angry and bitter. I lost much and my pain was immense. Now, I look at it that whole chapter of my life with a mix of humour and sadness.
My close friend, who gave up a failed Pioneer career, was disfellowshipped for visiting with myself and another disfellowshipped mutual friend (separate occasions). His self-righteous older brother has followed the hardline, as has his father. Half a decade later, my good friend is still so bitter, so angry. His experience permeates his life.
We all have different stories, makeups, and consequences for abandoning the club. He has much to be hurt, bitter, and angry about.
Recently, we were talking at length over scotch with a few other x-JWs I’m fortunate enough to call my friends. He, once again, was on with his favourite topic, “the Truth” and how angry he is. I asked him to stop calling it “the Truth” since we all know it is not. He said “I know but I can’t. It won’t leave me!”
My wonderful friend is angry with God. The rest of us don’t particularly believe G(g)od is relevant.
I wonder what internal movement, what thought, what kind word, helped move you from bitterness to acceptance? In particular, was there anything some kindly friend showed you or said? I’m not sure it is my place to push him into apostasy… however, it is an infinitely happier place to be than the quasi-believer weeping and gnashing his teeth because he’s outside the party.
I appreciate any thoughts.