Beyond Bitterness?

by DogGone 21 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  *lost*

  Hi there, and what an excellent post.

  Don't be hard on yourself, we were all fooled, but, I think that says more about our 'goodness' as people,

  which is something everyone should be proud of.

  It has to be our own mind, that does the work. We have to do the work to feed the mind, which controls everything else, I believe.

  Someone can tell us something until they are blue in the face, but until we 'get it' until it clicks in us,

  We just won't get it. and everyone's story and experience and how it has affected them is different. there is so much going on under the water with each person, it's a long process.

  It may not just be the 'truth' with him, there could be many underlying issues that have been festering within since childhood, family issues, lack of love, abuse, frustration with the world etc ( our 'breeding' what's in our blood, temperament, fiery person, calm person, form of autism, etc, the list goes on) I am a naturally fiery person, it's in the blood.

  He has to get to the root of it, and find out why, and what is causing the anger and bitterness, sometimes we don't even know or realise we are angry and bitter.

  Being able to talk and express everything is vital, which is why therapy is so could, therapy is not just visiting a trained professional, it could be as simple as talking with the right person, support group etc. the more he talks, the more he will think, feel, reason, question, search, it's a process of healing.

  If he still believes in God, explain to him that he is putting a barrier between the to, the more he researchs and learns this, the easier it will get.

  I found two simple books excellent.

  Teach yourself Psychology

  Teach yourself Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

  I have learned so much from this site, and from the many excellent posters. jgnat in particular, she has great qualities.

  If he could start visiting and talking and thinking, I think it will get him on the right 'path'.

  Great to see you care enough to try to help him.
• 

  *lost*

  Confessing Sins !!

  Doesn't the Bible talk against confessing sins to man. Isn't that what jw's use against the Church and the Priests.

  But that will be a topic for another thread.
• 

  talesin

  Two expressions helped me. Therapy helped me understand them.

  The best revenge is living well.

  ~ Oscar Wilde

  and

  Holding anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.

  ~ Buddhist expression

  xo

  tal
• 

  *lost*

  Tal

  anger and bitterness are such self-destructing negative emotions.
• 

  talesin

  Thoughts ....

  Anger is the expression of a deeper emotion - fear and / or pain. When we hold onto the anger, without exploring the fears and wounds inflicted, that anger turns into rage, which leads to bitterness. Once we do the work, find the courage, get support or whatever we need, in order to explore that pain and fear, and experience the sad feelings, work through them, the rage and bitterness vanishes. It takes time, and work. One must grieve the loss, in order to recover from it. And no, I don't believe that 'forgiveness' is necessary.

  xo

  tal
• 

  talesin

  The Dance of Anger is a great self-help book. It's been around for a few decades, but still relevant. It deals with interpersonal dynamics, and was extremely helpful for me.

  t
• 

  talesin

  Yes, *lost*, and if we can see that they are the surficial expression of deeper pain, then we can let the true feelings emerge,,, sadness, fear, pain.

  t

  EDIT: imho
• 

  talesin

  Okay, one more thing ........ it can really help to get some of that anger out physically. I remember once, I took a fence picket, and in the middle of a thunderstorm, wee hours of the morning, I raged with the storm, driving the picket into the ground over and over in my back yard, shaking my fist at the sky. It released a lot! Smashing old dishes is a good release, too. ;)

  I also save old electronics - VCRs, DVD players... and have taken them out on the deck and smashed them with a hammer before taking them to the recycle depot. heheh, they were not good for anything, anyhow.

  t
• 

  *lost*

  Took me a long time. The jw slant on meing a doormat did not help.

  lol

  ps Tal, would like to add you to the list of 'some great posters'.
• 

  rebel8

  Anger is valid and serves a positive purpose in the healing process for a time. It's a natural, healthy part of the grieving process.

  When it lingers past its useful time, that's when it starts hurting you. You need stitches after surgery but you don't keep them in too long, do you? ("Using illustrations" +1 in TMS )

  Recognizing that helps you break through the anger cycle. (more)