Genuine repentance - if you can fake that you'll avoid getting disfellowshipped

by slimboyfat 48 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Londo111

  Elders just follow one-size-fits-all bureaucratic rules. They disfellowship a person just in case, and ‘allow a sufficient period of time to pass’ and have a person ‘demonstrate their repentance’ by a year of isolation and six months of consecutive meeting attendance.

  In my case, I came forward and confessed my ‘wrong’. If I hadn’t done that, nobody would have known. It had been a year since the ‘wrong’, I’d been in the JW sense, ‘demonstrating repentance’ by field service and months of meeting attendance. I wanted their ‘spiritual’ help and put myself as clay in their hands. I was very stupid. I was like a lamb putting himself in the lion’s jaws.

  Another person who was repentant was told: “You are repentant, but you are not repentant enough.” Either a person is or isn't...
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  slimboyfat

  I think you were unlucky.

  Did you get on with the elders beforehand?
• 

  LostGeneration

  Also highly dependent on the "sin"

  Smokers, drinkers, and druggies usually can get by a few times with reproof.

  Sexual activity usually ok a time or two if unmarried. Once married though its almost an automatic DF for the offending mate if the other one goes for a divorce, too much of a mess for the congo to sweep under the rug without someone falling on the sword.

  Apostates get the auto-DF, no matter how many scriptual facts they might shove into the faces of the elders.
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  Londo111

  I had transferred to a new congregation to “start over”. It took four months between turning in my letter of confession and sitting down for my judicial committee. Like a hot potato, the elders from my new congregation and old congregation wrangled for all that time as to who was going to handle it. If this was a secular court, such irregularities would’ve gotten my case dismissed.

  Like an idiot, I kept insisting that the elders hold a judicial committee for me. I believe that if I just had dropped off the map, neither body would have “handled” the matter and I could’ve faded. But I was a captive of the concept--and kept at it and kept at it. I told them how discouraged I was getting at being kept in that netherworld. Finally, the elders in the new congregation reluctantly decided to take the case after I was so persistent.

  I might as well walked up to a hungry lion and said, "Eat me!" More fool me.
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  kjg132

  Ok..I have to throw something in here. It completely depends on the elders you get for your committee. When I was 18 and my then boyfriend now husband was 21. We were disfellowshipped for "the appearance of fornication" Yes you read that right. Other than being alone at his house, there was no other grounds for a JC. I remember one of the questions was what do the neighbors think when they see you leaving so late or early in the morning...of course I gave the appropriate answer. We were both completely "sorry" and very sincere...truly sincere. We were both disfellowshipped. I even defended this decision to others who felt that it was too harsh including family...feeling that it was deserved somehow and that it would give us the chance to show how sorry we were...show Jehovah that we were "serious" about the "truth" afterall "he diciplines those he loves". We got married in his parents backyard the week before the announcement. We were reinstated 6 months later...we even waited to go on our honeymoon until we got reinstated so that we wouldn't miss meetings and because we only had about a week to plan the wedding. My disfellowshipped Mother was the only family I had in attendance (and I didn't really talk to her much because of her status and I felt guilty for having her in a photo or two (I am so grateful to have her in the pictures now...also she has been reinstated for the last 11 years or so...such a cruel way to create seperations..she still talks to me though...as I am not DF), because it was a handful of family/friends that were in attendance and they were all witnesses. My witness family didn't come...my elder brother went so far as to say that he couldn't attend because "once they decide to disfellowship it means that the decision has already been made in Heaven " and he hinted at his disapproval of the few other family and friends attending hinting that my husbands elder father should basically know better. My husbands brother was there and he was the best man and had gotten DF'd the week before for a very similar thing (it was his first "offense" very sorry and 18 years old) and we didn't even talk to him.... nobody did....soooo messed up that we have to laugh about it now. We were so brainwashed that we didn't even associate with other disfellowshipped family or friends when we were out! That was 1998...we did not "wake up" until 2010ish. We were both raised "in" I was "born-in" and my father was an elder most of my life...he is even now...and my husbands father was an elder all of his life too. If we had been in my hall we would not have been DF'd, I know it...but I had moved across the country. I could literally write a book so I will stop for now but someday I will have the courage to post my full story or maybe I'll just write that book :)
• 

  HarryMac

  Wow, sir82's comments are cynical even for me... love it!
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  gingerbread

  A decision to disfellowship will be made because the JC feels like they HAVE to - they have no other choice. Either the person confesses/spills his guts or too many people in the congregation have witnessed the wrongdoing (meaning two, three or more people testify against the accused) or he has been previously reproved for the same 'sin'. Also, if the Coordinator puts pressure on the committee, he can sway the decision making process because of pre-existing bias.

  If someone has an elder for a father/uncle/good friend and gets 'coached' about what to say, how to say it, etc., they usually avoid the big DF - UNLESS one or more of the situations mentioned exist.

  If a person ever 'avoids' getting disfellowshipped, he will find himself under constant scrutiny (with a target on his back).

  The closed door judicial commitee has no scriptural precedent for christians.
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  slimboyfat

  Sir I am going to send you a PM.
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  DATA-DOG

  I would say that the number one factor in whether or not you get DF'd is this, " Was is considered a " serious sin ", and was it well known." It's all about image. Were you bringing reproach upon the made up name of the WTBTS's God. If so, you will be df'd. Why? The WTBTS has an carefully crafted image to maintain. It must be protected at all costs. The second reason would be this, " Did you cause others to stumble, doubt, did you set a bad example ( again the more widely known, the more likely a DF'ing ).

  The only reason that the latter situation matters if that it can have a direct bearing on the 1st, that being the crafted image of the WTBTS. The leaders really don't care what you do. They don't care if YOU live or die, are rich or poor, married or single, gay or straight. They ONLY care about how they look to the outside world, saving face, advertising thier lifestyle to protect corporate interests and ensure the longevity of the Organization. That's all that matters.

  So if you can fake repentance, you will probably not be df'd IF..IF, you have not done something widely known to the public, or affected multiple people/families and " stumbled" them. Molestation is a whole different animal, the reputation of the Organization is protected by NOT talking about it, where as other " sins " can be discussed more openly as "proofs " that the organization is being kept clean. So, for example, you will NEVER read a story in the Awake magazine about an ex-child molester having thier life changed by studying the Bible with Jehovah's Witnesses. You will find story after story of junkies, thieves, homosexuals, drunkards, martial artists, ect..
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  BluesBrother

  Yes, Slimboyfat's assertion is completely true. Elders are taught that it is not the action but the person's attitude that counts. Look at notorious cases like the abuser Michael Porter. He convinced Bethel Elders, no less, that he was repentant and stayed in. The idea of the prodigal son, having committed great wrongs but is now sorry being welcomed back forms the basis for it.

  Of course if the think you are faking it, if your story does not stand up or your actions imply otherwise, they might not buy it. A little story :

  Young Sis K was forced to confess that she was pregnant, by a man in "the world". (it was starting to show) and said several times that she was sorry that she was pregnant. We reminded her that pregnancy was not the sin, but sex and deceit and a double life were our concern. She did not seem to get it. The result was d/f despite her using the word sorry. Looking back I feel sorry now that I was part of that committee that cut off the girl from her family at a time that she needed them the most. I could feel bad about that. BTW she got reinstated and then faded - wise girl!