by Tech49 18 Replies latest jw experiences
Tech49 thank you for sharing...
"I go to bed thinking about it, I wake up thinking about it. Its almost as if new thought processes are forming.."
...and what Jgnat said really resonates with me! I know what that feels like. It's "sweetly" overwhelming at times
Tech49: I am continually amazed at how much this affects me.
It is amazing, isn't it!
When we reallize that we've been fooled and that we've been complicit in the charade, well, it's hard to take. It's more than a bit humiliating to realize that we were misled and didn't see it.
But the fact is, unless a person is aware of mind-control techniques, there is no way that you could ever realize what is happening to you.
There is a great video by Steven Hassan on the subject. I'll see if I can find it and post it.
Are you familiar with any of his work?
Here's a little more about me personally, maybe it will help fill in some of the blanks.
I was mostly born-in, baptized in 1984 at 16. Ministerial servant around 1996 or so. Served as an elder since 2005. Have served as CBSO, School Overseer, and Secretary most recently (last 4 years, in addition to CBSO when it was still around). Helped in the forming of a new congregation in 2010, as Secretary. Served on the RBC for probably 20 years, EXTREMELY active in it in the 90's, less so in the last 10 years, only because my young family was more important.
Up until about 2 years ago, I was a black-and-white kind of guy. You either played along, or you didn't, plain and simple. I played a part in weeding out some pretty nasty influences and genuinely BAD seeds from our congregation. It was a time full of stress and long nights, but it got done, and it needed to be done. I dont feel bad about decisions that were made, some people truly are deserving of a boot.
Moved to the newly formed congregation at the instruction of the CO. Was ok, but family and I just weren't into giving our every breath to it. At some point, we moved physically, and were in another congregation's territory, so moved our cards.
Now this was a good-ole-boy club like no other. We knew most of them, but it didnt seem to matter. They were NOT in the mood to reappoint me, even with a favorable letter, and took their sweet time until the CO came thru and asked what the problem was!? No problem, just waiting to see if he was "truly qualified".... They got their asses chewed on, I got the appointment, but from them on, I knew they were gunning for me.
The high-jinks started soon after that...........a few examples.... I was serving as the secretary, but the brothers would write letters and just have the he-coon COBE sign them, I would never see them until a copy was handed to me to "file". Judicial commitees were formed for stupid reasons, where they had no business, others would do obviously bad stuff (fornication, admitted to myself and another brother, face to face) and would never see a committee. 'it was handled". Elders and their wives would sign up to "aux pioneer", and then put in 5 or 10 hours, and be the "exemplary pioneers" of the day! Made me ill. One assistant CO told me that I was not being an example, if no one from my family signed up to "pioneer" for the 30 hours. Didnt matter if we knew we couldnt do it, just the fact that we didnt sign up showed our "attitude". (see my post on the other forum about Hours and Time, linked to here n the General Discussion area). About that time I was pretty much fed up. This whole thing was a big egotistical show.
Then the good-ole-boy club started to come after my family, picking on them, demeaning them, gossipping, spreading rumors...it got pretty heated, Ms. Harper was PISSED! We had EMAIL PROOF of the elder body spinning rumors and lies. Even had a meeting with the CO at his next visit, he told them to knock it off and apologize to my family..... Didn't happen.
I could see that they were gunning for me, just waiting to trip me up and get something to find as a basis to DELETE me, and have the pleasure of announcing it from the platform.
The family was hurting, we knew it, and something needed to change. Meeting attendance fell to about 50%, I turned down assignments, cancelled Public Talks that were scheduled out. Told the COBE that I just couldnt do it right now, our family was having real "troubles" putting the energy into this. I was hoping to get some help for the family, to get a sheperding call on us all, as it was obvious we had hit a wall, figuratively.
NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING. Where were my "friends", my "fellow Elders"? Too busy to care, too busy going on vacations, too busy buying toys and spending money, having wine parties and "exclusive" dinners with their little groups.
We decided, as a family, to move to a neighboring congregation to restart, to find some joy again, to get away from the backstabbing, petty pricks and their families. This wasn't the way I wanted to serve, and this was not the group of brothers I would serve with. In an impromptu "meeting" to discuss the issues at hand (which I suddenly discovered was more of a Remove-Your-Priviliges meeting) the brothers told me that because of my wife's attitude (she was pretty hot about all this, and wasnt afraid to tell them!) and the fact that we wanted to RUN from OUR problems, they would see fit to NOT send a letter of recommendation with me. Oh, but if we STAYED, then NOTHING would change (appointment-wise), we will help you, WE PROMISE!! Truth be told, I knew that's exactly what they would do, and they would be denied the FUN of deleting me.... I resigned before they could say anything else, walked out. Checkmate, fools.
I had "brothers" who were my friends stab me in the back so fast I couldnt believe it. Suddenly, I was out of the "club". Sick. Just made me ill. Our "friendships" were truly anything but. I felt a HUGE sense of betrayal.
It was shortly after that, within the last year or so, that I really sat down and started to research all the questions that had been on my mind, to allow myself to look at "apostate" websites. I found more than I bargained for, and my mind has been a swirl of thoughts for many months. I see the falsehoods, the coverups, the outright blatant lies, and the willingness to be "blind" on the part of well-meaning people. Lots of other stuff too. But I am done. Won't do it anymore. Spent way too much of my personal life, time, energies, and money supporting a business entity that prints literature and controls people.
So anyways, here we are, MUCH happier with the lack of responsibilities, no more "pressure" to please people. We do what we want, when we want to do it.
Faded? No, but fading. Coasting.
Wife and I are working slowly to retrain our kids to think carefully, clearly, and to see the entire picture before they make decisions. Teaching OURSELVES to do the same is a little harder sometimes, but it feels good to be awake.
The biggest "lightbulb" moment we have had is this: If you are not a positive influence on our family, then we don't need you in our lives. I dont care if you are extended family, congregation members, elders, or an entire organization. Out ya go!
PM me anytime.
Thank you for sharing Tech 49, you and your family's personal story.
I liked what you said at the end...If you don't bring a positive into the relationship, there is no relationship...words well said.
Just Lois
I was sick reading this, how shameful anyone would treat you like that. Of course you are all better off in the long run and your children are young enough for you to get them straightened out, but still, it's pretty disgusting.
Glad you and your family found your way out of this mess.
The WTBTS is a CULT, it's a CULT, nothing but a CULT, what a life-wasting, life-shrinking, ridiculous idiotic huge mistaken mind-controlled bunch of horsepucky in which i lost 30 years of my life!!!
I can SO GET what you're experiencing! and appreciate you writing it out. I have been out for about three years and have been busy reading everything i can find about folks waking up and getting out. It helps a lot to find answers to the question WHY did I do it, why did i fall for that hogwash, why was i so gullible - i'm no different from many who were young and ready to listen to people who were living in their religion instead of their own life. I thought living my own life was selfish. I was ready to let other people do the thinking for me! There were millions of red flags that I ignored and made excuses for. I just beeleeved the whole official story and my brain was taken over, and turned to oatmeal mush.
Being humble and living each day as an exhausted, resentful robot. But not humble enough to put up with being mistreated, misunderstood and having my reputation shredded - completely unjustly. I do appreciate that mistreatment now though, in a way, because without it I would still be in there, trying to be the best hypocrite I could be.
I'm looking forward to the patriotic holiday. I'm grateful to live in the U.S., and grateful to HAVE a country again!
Tech 49,
I appreciated your experience, and I believe everything you said happened as I have been there also. A few changes with the story and name changes but it is the same. I agree with you, I thank these bat crazy people for treating me so badly because it helped me wake up. And now years down the road I count my blessings. Thanks for sharing Tech
Thanks for sharing. JWs so readily forget that the greatest commandment is LOVE.
Thanks TECH 49 for sharing, that sub-co was such a d-bag! Most of those guys are high on some theocratic power trip and classify themselves as God's gift to the congregations with the sole purpose of spotting and correcting, when they're more twisted than any of us will ever be.
