Ideas to wake up the JW 'Feelers' (page 2)

Captain Obvious

Thanks for the replies.

I have read or listened to a few of Hassan's books. I never did finish the new one though.. I am willing to do anything to get her to wake up.

A big part is that she doesn't want to learn that it isn't The Truth. She's afraid of what it means for us. She knows I'm not stupid, she knows I wouldn't risk everything based on a hunch or a half cocked idea. I think that's what scares her. She still holds out the hope that one day I'll hear what I need to hear at a meeting and turn around. I am willing to do that, if that were to happen, but I'm confident it won't.

I've been playing the long game for a year and a half, with little progress. She still has the JW mindset that just BEING at the meetings will do good.

Both of our upbringings were good, all things considered. Neither of us have had any bad JW experiences except for my mum being DF'ed twice. She doesn't see the problem with just hanging around. Until last week she honestly thought I was going to continue going to the occasional meeting forever! That HURT to hear her say. She says I'm ridiculous when I say the meetings are torture.

She listens to what I say, most of it anyway. But NONE of it sinks in.

whathappened

Don't give up on her a I like the suggestion of wooing her away. That is the way a lot of witnesses fall out on their own. They miss enough meetings nd the natural personality and desire comes out.

Londo111

To be sure, it was a judicial committee that gave me a slap in the face first. But even then, it took six months to be able to get into a position where I could look for answers. The layers of fear that had been placed about "apostates" kept me from this for many years, even though I saw many things that just didn't make sense.

LisaRose

I am a feeler, INFP. As Londo said, being a feeler does not mean you cannot think, just as being a thinker does not mean you cannot feel. There are a number of reasons that people are not open to hearing the truth, so do not make assumptions, although I think you are right that family and friend connections may be more of a factor for us feelers. I am trying to think what would have caused me to wake up sooner, it's difficult because of the mind control. I think it's called thought stopping. I would recognize that I wasn't happy and was getting nothing from the religion, but I would think, "but it really is the best religion anyway, where else would I go?" "But I would loose my friends" "maybe they are right" . All these thoughts would cause me to give up any thought of leaving.

One problem is that she will recognize any direct attempt to try to persuade her that she is in the wrong religion. People tend to dig in and defend their beliefs when directly confronted. It makes them uncomfortable, so they will tend to shut down. The only possible way is a slow, thoughtful process that is more abut asking questions rather than trying to tell her what to think.

I think the 607BCE issue was major for me. That is such a huge belief of the Watchtower, and so easily proven wrong. If you have a family study, you might ask her if she can prove the 607 date date to you using non dub sources. You don't need to go to an apostate sight to figure out its all smoke and mirrors. If she resists doing independent research, maybe you could look up things together. Respect her thoughts and feelings, and her right to believe what she wants. Keep chipping away, little by little. Don't feel you have to get her to admit anything right away, she may need time to mull things over. Another thing is to ask her to prove that earthquakes are increasing. This is something easily shown to be false, yet it is used as proof we are in the last days.

I do not think it is impossible to get someone out if they are happy. Difficult yes, but not impossible. For one thing, how many people are really happy as dubs? A lot of time people are not happy, but pretend they are, because it is expected. You could remind your wife of things she enjoys, but doesn't do anymore due to the pressures of being a dub. Encourage her to take up a hobby or other interest. The less time she spends being brainwashed, the easier it will be. Patience is a virtue.

Captain Obvious

Thanks! It's nice to hear from a feeler's perspective. I have been trying to get her distracted, I think that helps. She way never that deeply in, never did research. She is still not interested in doing research though. She just doesn't care. She's brainwashed, that's it.

For the last year and a half she has been doing shift work, which keeps her from at least half the meetings. It also gives he something other than service to do, as she wasn't working before that. She has been making friends at work, but still isn't interested in having them over for a BBQ or anything like that. Since I quit FS she has slowed down a lot. She doesn't like going to the Saturday group because I don't go and it's all families and couples.. She doesn't want to get questions about me. She is just as interested in keeping my situation a secret as I am, as she doesn't want to see me DFed. If I get DFed, suddenly it all becomes REAL, where so far it has just been a secret.

Tell me what you think of this: I could compile a small list of WT references where they quote mine or outright lie, along with references to where the quote was mined from, or where the truth would be explained. Would that help or hurt a feeler? I would think seeing lies would affect her.

It's just strange how it doesn't matter how much I tell her about the problems with the WT, it's just in one ear and out the other. The next time we talk its like its news all over again. I've been trying to create some Cog Dis in her, but it doesn't seem to be taking. Tough nut to crack!

Captain Obvious

Thanks! It's nice to hear from a feeler's perspective. I have been trying to get her distracted, I think that helps. She way never that deeply in, never did research. She is still not interested in doing research though. She just doesn't care. She's brainwashed, that's it.

For the last year and a half she has been doing shift work, which keeps her from at least half the meetings. It also gives he something other than service to do, as she wasn't working before that. She has been making friends at work, but still isn't interested in having them over for a BBQ or anything like that. Since I quit FS she has slowed down a lot. She doesn't like going to the Saturday group because I don't go and it's all families and couples.. She doesn't want to get questions about me. She is just as interested in keeping my situation a secret as I am, as she doesn't want to see me DFed. If I get DFed, suddenly it all becomes REAL, where so far it has just been a secret.

Tell me what you think of this: I could compile a small list of WT references where they quote mine or outright lie, along with references to where the quote was mined from, or where the truth would be explained. Would that help or hurt a feeler? I would think seeing lies would affect her.

It's just strange how it doesn't matter how much I tell her about the problems with the WT, it's just in one ear and out the other. The next time we talk its like its news all over again. I've been trying to create some Cog Dis in her, but it doesn't seem to be taking. Tough nut to crack!

Watchtower-Free

The "Trinity" brochure was pulled over 2 yrs ago with NO replacement because of scholastic dishonesty .

That should be a good place to start .

http://www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/trinity.php

Captain Obvious

Thanks! Perhaps I'll start there. She's on night shift tonight, I'll work at it while she's out

ABibleStudent

Hi Captain Obvious, As a JW didn't the WTBTS teach you about loved ones being possessed by Satan to deceive you about the WTBTS? If your wife doesn't want to think about WTBTS teachings, then you are fighting a losing battle against the WTBTS's BITE control by showing her WTBTS false teachings.

You say that you have read/listened to Steve Hassan's books, but have you tried to think of how you can apply his methods to yours and your wife's situation? Steve Hassan's methods rely on unconditional love, the BITE Model, and helping cult members to critically think for themselves. Critically thinking for oneself does not include showing your wife the false teachings of the WTBTS until she is ready to comprehend what you are showing her.

You do not have to directly confront your wife to help your wife to critically think for herself. The more you can keep your wife away from JWs and WTBTS meetings the less influence the WTBTS's BITE control will have over your wife. The more you can encourage your wife to make friends with non-JW coworkers or other non-JWs who you meet the more your wife will be able to critically think for herself. The less you use WTBTS's indoctrinated words and platitudes in your conversations with your wife the more she will think for herself. The more that you show your wife that you are a more loving and caring husband since you are not influenced by the WTBTS's BITE control, the more she may start to question what good is there being a JW.

Have you thought about learning about investing and getting your wife involved. Learning about investing with your wife has three benefits: keeps her from reading WTBTS propaganda, helps her to critically think for herself because everyone has an opinion about investing, and helps you both to have a better retirement. If your wife starts using some WTBTS platitudes to nix her learning to invest, then come back with some counter arguments, like how long has the WTBTS been saying that the big A is coming (about 130 years), how long does she want to live, and what does she dream about doing in retirement.

At some point your wife may start asking you questions about why you no longer believe that the WTBTS is Jehovah's organization on earth. When she does, then slowly and gently ask your wife questions and show her how to find answers for herself using the internet, the WTBTS's literature, and/or the Bible. Do not show her the answers and do not dump to much on her at once. Let your wife's curiosity help her to want to learn more.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

losingit

ABibleStudent/Robert, These are excellent suggestions that I hope to apply to my own situation. I hope the original poster follows them as well.

Ideas to wake up the JW 'Feelers'

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