by DeWandelaar 22 Replies latest jw experiences
My girlfriend told me about new understanding about loneliness.
Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection by John T. Cacioppo
It used to be that lonely people were advised to make themselves get out more and be with people. The new understanding is that lonely people may be hyper-aware and hyper-sensitive social beings. The way you describe how people felt safe talking to you seems to bear that out.
I've felt that restlessness you describe, when it is time to move on.
You sound like you have ADD/ADHD, Attention Deficit Disorder. If you you have it, it's just the way you are wired, your kids too, that would explain the issues with them. I have it, but only realized it when my daughter was diagnosed as an adult. I get bored too, the meetings used to be torture for me. I couldn't stand meetings at work either, I just wanted everyone to stfu so I could go back to my job. It has its good side, that weirdness gives you an ability to think outside the box and be creative. I always felt like I didn't fit in anywhere, but my coping skills got better as I got older.
It's an old topic, but I just want to respond to it since I can relate to so many things DeWandelaar has said. My daughter was a very hyperactive girl. She could never sit still, she would always run instead of walk, misbehave when you asked her to behave. One time at a Circuit Assembly a 'sister' on the row before us turned around, grabbed my daughter in her neck and angrily whispered "you sit still NOW and be quiet!!!" I was furious and so I told her. Who the h*ll did that woman think she was??? Did she have any idea how difficult it was for us as parents to keep our daughter as silent as possible? My daughter was only 4 years old at the time! She looked at me with big scared eyes and started crying. I hated that woman who had the guts to do this to my baby!
This memory just came up while reading DeWandelaar's story.
Not long after that incident I went to our doctor with my daughter and told him I wanted to see a homeopathic doctor. I described the problems with her and said that I believed this had something to do with her body being out of balance. The doctor wanted to send her to a psychologist instead, but I refused that and insisted on the homeopathic doctor. He then sent her to such a doctor in our area.
Within fifteen minutes that doctor found out my daughter was allergic to sugar! She had a very strong reaction with hyperactivity from it, combined with pure rage every once in a while. Our unknown mistake was that we tried to keep her silent and sitting still during the meetings by giving her sweets! We've tested it later at home (after the diagnosis by the doctor) and clocked the amount of time from swallowing until her body started to respond: exactly fifteen minutes! The look in her eyes would change and she would go mad, wild, and definitely unable to sit quietly in a Kingdom Hall.
That homeopathic doctor treated her for two years. She went on a sugarless diet (horrible, since sugar is in EVERYTHING!) and wasn't allowed to eat chocolate as well. Withing a month the changes in her were already tremendous! Even the kindergarten teacher came to me asking what we had done to her, since it appeared as if a totally new girl had come into the class!
Years later, when she was 19 she also was diagnosed ADD... and that's when I learned I have ADD myself as well. Suddenly I understood a lot about myself and I've been able to see it as an extra asset instead of a handicap. My daughter has been able to do the same, she's actually very happy with her ADD. And even though she is 25 now, I still can tell when she's had too much sugar... it's just that wild look in her eyes that gives it away! She'll always be my little monster hahaha.
The last couple of years I've learned a lot about hyperactive children and it was meantioned by some others who responded on this topic, that it's very often that hyperactive children need more challenge. They might be high-sensitive and need more attention, they're usually very bright and willing to learn (and also capable of learning new things very quick). It's also important to communicate more with those types of children, since they have often more trouble understanding the world they're living in. Explain to them why things are the way they are, why people do certain things, why you as a parents act in a particular way and why you expect certain things of them. If you're able to make them understand, without threats, punishment or getting angry, just be their loving parent and inform them, teach them what it is to live the human life... then very often they will understand and become calmer (but not always... of course!).
