Newly wed UBM and soon to meet JW in-laws (page 2)

jam

UBM welcome; It seems you are on top of things, the love bomb

indoctrination and etc. You have an advantage, you have been

schooled by AOA the Academy of Apostates.

GLTirebiter

1. I'll be love bombed by his family, and perharps some of his remaining dubby "friends" and if we go to the congregation, from the congregation of course

Yes, that will happen.

2. Indoctrination - endless talk about the Bible, Satan, paganism etc

Maybe, but they probably will go easy the first few times to make a good impression. It is more likely that all conversation leads to Watchtower topics: who is giving a talk, where will we stay for the District Converntion, who signed up for pioneering school, what are you doing at the quick build, why somebody has been disfellowshipped (gossip!), along with some condescending talk about the state of the world, the country and government (not blatantly negative, more of a tsk-tsk-tsk and a nod of the head).

My hubby and I are planing to move away from the place where his family are, and now it seems like the parents are trying hard to change his mind.

Personal experience: even if yhour husband really means to keep your agreement about the Wathtower religion, even if he means to move furtheer away from their influence, he will be under immense pressure to do the opposite. In the eyes of Witnesses, his only hope of temporal and eternal happiness is to get back in the Kingdom Hall and toe the Wathtower line--and to bring you with him. The pressure will be a relentless guilt trip bearing down on him. He needs all the support you can give him! Do not underestimate the power of their emotional weapons. Before long, he will face the choice of keeping the agreement, or keeping contact with his own family.

I wish you the best, and pray that you are prepared to face this challenge!

Recommend reading (from the freeminds web site):

Dating a lapsed Jehovah's Witness (still relevant, even when you're past the "dating" phase)

Disfellowshipping

Marriage in the Watchtower

UBM101

Thanks everyone! It will take alot of patience, wisdom and love to do that. I know it's gonna be tough and tricky.

jgnat

If you have been lurking for some time hopefully you have heard of Steve Hassan's books. It is so important for outsiders to understand the difference between the cultic and the natural personality. With practice, you can flip a Witness back and forth to the two personalities. Use a trigger word, cultist. Talk about a natural interest, and they flip back to their natural self. You can have long, happy, and pleasant conversations with the natural person, Witness or not. The more natural they are, the more open they are to new ideas, empathy, and independent thought.

UBM101

Academy of Apostates - I love that lol! Well, the AOA saves my life.

Jnat, yes, I read Steve's first book "Combatting Cult Mind Control". More to come.

troubled mind

Handle yourself with confidence in your own belief system . They are looking for someone easy to influence ,pliable . If you are firm in your own beliefs and not searching for answers it makes it harder for them .

I think it is time you and your husband had a true heart to heart talk about what he plans to do about any manipulation moves on their part . Please don't give any false hopes .Hopefully they will respect your rights if you are up front and honest from the get go .

My brothers husband was Df'd when he married a woman that was Catholic. When he was reinstated she attended a few meetings and of course was love bombed by the JW family . She told me the first time she met the other sister in law she was offered a personal bible study ,and after a few visits she let them know she would never become a JW ....that side of the family just walked away from her and never gave her the time of day afterwards . On the other hand my husband and I accepted her for herself ,and have treated her as family when we were witnesses and now that we are not . So people are people and it will just depend on what kind of people his family turns out to be .

Adventurousone

Welcome UBM101:

Happy your here and I hope your husband will come on board too. It sounds like your husband is being pulled towards the JWS. Have you sat down with him and truthfully has he told you what he wants JWS or not. You see he has to be honest with himself first. Does he want to live the LIE or not. Then that will make it easier for you to confront them or not. Is your husband afraid that he will lose his parents .Well at least he has you and all of us if he comes on the forum. Good Luck to you and remember were here for you rooting all the way. Take care.

Adventurousone

LisaRose

Welcome, glad you are here. I vote for 2. These people will be family for a long time. Until you figure out what is going on, dont rock the boat. Telling them in any way that you know things about the dubs will put them on edge and make you the bad guy. Then they can blame you for your husband staying away. Play dumb, smile a lot, avoid questions.

Bells

Welcome and congratulations.

I am sort of in a similar place - I married my hubby a month ago, though we have been 'dating' as the Americans call it ;) for the last 12 years, so I've seen it all.

I feel for you however if your hubby is still even a little bit 'in'

My hubby decided that he was 'out' probably 15 years ago, however I have lost count of the number of times that things have happened where it is still so evident that there is still guilt, traces of mind and behaviour control etc. - the result of 15 years previous being raised in the cult.

Especially if the relationship with the family is still good (as my hubby's is) - like yours. Any criticism of the religion can feel to him like a criticism of his family - and in turn even himself. It has been a long and complicated - though ultimately very happy - road for us, and although I know that he is now well and truly out - there are still things that happen sometimes that make him instinctively react, or feel guilt etc. for reasons that he doesn't even understand.

I'm interested in how you guys married but you haven't met the family - did you elope? How long have you been dating? Did you 'live in sin'?

Also - be ready for ignorance - big time (their view of 'worldy people is at times just bizarre) and beware of 'theological warfare'... the answers you receive to any hard hitting questions may not be totally correct...

All the best, I really hope he wakes up and stays out - and I wish you the strength you may need at times to get through together in tact. But you can! :)

b

Newly wed UBM and soon to meet JW in-laws

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