Oculos:Hi! Its devastating when you realise our "faith" was based on lies and deceit - a real house of sand and twigs. My story resonates a lot with yours, regular pioneer for 6 years - the last 6 months as a "woken up " member of the conscious class. The most miserable 6 months ever. I just always got the point that the wt were misrepresenting God - and when we left, scared of the future, I couldn't pray as I had been used to. I just told Him "I am so anxious I feel physically sick, but I know I cannot step into the KH on Sunday. I believe you are being mis-represented". Just tell Him you can't pray at the moment, just that. (He knows already, but its like having to jump off a ledge into some-one's arms who you can't see - that rescuer is desperate for you to jump). His love and unending goodness to you will kick in immediately. (Could tell you amazing things here, but they would invite a lil' bit of scorn on the part ofsome - methinks!). Are you still reading the NWT? If so, pack it away for the time being and get ANY other translation and read it with a Bible Commentary - cover to cover, you will be amazed at the things we never knew as jws. Take your time, you are in 'healing'. Just a word of comfort from Psalm 18 in the New Living Translation: v27 and 28: ""you (God) rescue the humble....you light a lamp for me, the LORD my God lights up my darkness...in your strength....and with my God I can scale any wall"... Wishing you increasing peace and inner contentment. Greta xx