by Julia Orwell 34 Replies latest jw friends
Ha ha, autocorrect and predictive text do some mad things!
I really must say though, the support I find here is tremendous, and has helped me so much. That's probably why I could fade so quickly. Thanks all! I really appreciate how we all encourage each other.
Julia, here is something that helped me tremendously inside and outside the Borg. As a child I collected things. As an adult I had a few hobbies, diving, videography, photography, and of course my books. So not knowing your situation fully, I might be somewhat off kilter, so forgive me.
This is my suggestion: Ask yourself, what have you always wanted to do (in the form of a hobby). Play a music instrument? Learn a language? Do a cooking course? It must be something that you love doing, like a form of art, drawing, painting, sculpting, but also something that won't break the bank. It must be something completely different from what you are currently doing. When you find something, do it. It must also be something that helps you to "forget" about your troubles. Say you work on a sculpture. The time you spend carving must take up all your concentration. My five cents worth...
Hi Julia, my heart goes out to you because of your anxieties. I am still in - but I am managing to do so because I have changed the terms & conditions to suit me, not the Org.
The elders don't like it one bit - but tough, they now appreciate that I will not be pushed around by them, and that if they try, they will be given Scriptural answers which cannot be contradicted by literature counsel!
Maybe one day I'll fade, but until then, I will continue to very carefully plant seeds of truth in various 'discreet' ways!! (see what I did there?)
Believing differently doesn't demand that I have to commit 'social suicide'. I love people whose lifestyle is based on Bible principles, but I'm not going to abandon them because they are conned into believing certain falsehoods. That's something which they'll have to waken up to, and if I can help a little, I will do my best!
@ Vidqun: Yes, I'm doing all those things. I'm working on a novel my non-JW bro and I have been working on sporadically for the last few years. I've also ordered a set of illustrators' pencils because I always liked drawing. I learned an instrument as a JW, but I can't be bothered playing for now. I've also taken up bird breeding, which is very rewarding. So I'm doing a few things, and they do help :)
Hey Searcher, you are amazing. I remember almost going batty at the meetings while fading, when hearing all the rubbish. I do have some JW friends left who have not cut me away; true friends you might say. Thankfully I never had any JW family and my parents have been a tremendous support.
I guess why I'm feeling like this is just the old black dog rearing its ugly head again. At least I don't have to deal with meetings and witnessing on top of it.
Julia, you have a PM.
Thx
I sent you a reply. I really appreciate this :)
Hi Julia
I just wanted to add my support.
I've suffered from anxiety and bouts of depression for as long as I can remember. I know this has been because of my years as a JW. I've been fading for the past few years, and I've had times when I feel I'm teetering on the brink of a breakdown. You kind of know it's happening, but feel helpless to do anything to stop it. You have taken a huge, life-changing step in fading from the organisation. Your brain is trying to cope with all sorts of thoughts and emotions. Anger, resentment, fear, regret. No wonder it sometimes gets frazzled! It's still early days for you.
I've found that taking a low dose anti-depressant has helped me to cope. It's also important to be kind to yourself and take some time to relax. Go for a massage. Join a local volunteer group. Take up dancing. Have some fun. It gets easier as the years go by and your anxiety will lessen.
Sit back and think about what you really want to do as a career. You are no longer suffocated by the restictions of the organisation. You can grab hold of your life and lead it in any direction you want. You are still young enough to change careers. Look at your options for further education and training. Use your foresight, planning and determination to make the kind of life you want and deserve.
I'm in my late 50s and I've just graduated from University, having completed a three-year full time degree in English and Philosophy. I've pushed way beyong my comfort zone, made new friends and grown in confidence. People have asked me why I wanted to do a degree at my age. My answer is "because I could." All those years of feeling like a loser, because I wasn't allowed to go on to further education when I was young, have been pushed aside. I'm starting to believe that I can do whatever I want with my life, because it is MY life.
Keep your chin up Julia. You are doing great!
Miss Fitt x
My advice for what it's worth is possibly the opposite from most comments here. Rather than doing more stuff, I suggest stopping and taking stock. Yes it's reasonable to make plans but not when it is making you "scared" and anxious. Take a breath. You have turned your life around and so has your husband. A wise man once said (basically) "When trouble arises just sit." This was CG Jung who lived to a ripe old age. He suffered from quite severe mental health issues when he was young. Now from what you have said, you have a great handle on your depression and how to deal with it, it's just you are worried that the black dog may bite again. That's reasonable and actually understandable after such large changes in your life the last year. Love yourself a little. You are doing just fine without the jw superstition that god is protecting you. The monkey mind can cause us much grief e.g. I'm thirty I need a house, or I need a better job. They are great goals when we are feeling powerful and confident. Why not dust off the tent and go away camping with hubbie and refocus on what's really important in life?
Doofdaddy, you seem to understand where I'm at. I need to just refocus I think. I might go with Hubby for a nice rainforest walk this weekend to get out of this town and clear my head a little.
Guess where came to mind when I posted my comment? Lamington Plateau!! I actually wrote it then deleted it! Yeah in my long life and carreer I have had a fascination with the mind. Our greatest gift and our greatest curse. Our Western world is based on action, achievement and "you should have or should be" In fact many retired people (read men) fall in a heap when they stop working because they were too busy all their lives achieving without truly knowing themselves. You are very young and I am sure you will look back in five years time and laugh at what you thought was important now. In fact I predict you will be a completely different person. How's that!
