How can I stop hating the JW religion?

by marriedtoajw 33 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Vidiot

  Band on the Run - "Posting here helps me but it also enrages me further."

  Maybe you need a break ('specially after Barb Anderson's thread).
• 

  Narcissistic Supply

  "It's crap dude. We just point it out."

  I think that's a quote from Outlaw...
• 

  problemaddict

  Married 2 JW,

  Ok so I don't mean for this to sound existential or anything like that but consider who is really harming you. Is it the WTBTS? Is it your wife? I think your anger is justified, but that doesn't make it healthy or neccesary.

  Your wife is your wife, and she makes her choices. You are someone else and you make yours. You full well know the impact of your decisions as does she. Be clear and frank with her, discuss openly how you feel, but this is the main thing........realize your anger is coming from you. The impact of what is happening to you, is happening all inside of you. If nothing changes with her, you can't be resigned to live a miserable life with your wife in a cult. So you need to find a way to be happy despite of it.

  Your wife is your wife. Do you love her? Are you going to stay married? If so, than its not a question of making the best of it. It is a decision you have to make to chose your wife AS SHE IS, and be happy about it.

  Make sense?
• 

  Julia Orwell

  I too get a feeling of revulsion when I see those things, even though I've been out only a short time (26 March my last meeting) and so I know where you're coming from. However, if it gets to be a real big problem, you may need to go see a counsellor or someone to help you cope otherwise you'll go barmy.

  Keep also in mind that JWs in divided households are sometimes advised to 'leave' literature around the house in the hope that the unbelieving family members will read it and be converted. Maybe you can ask her politely not to leave it around the place.
• 

  5go

  I topping hating it by studying the harm caused by other religions. It's just doing what has been done in the past over and over the thing you need to do is stay away from it and tell all who will listen and avoid those that won't.
• 

  vikesgirl101

  I really hate the religion too, but for entirely different reasons than yours. I'm angry over lost time, lost relatives, and sheer disillusionment. I put all my trust in them, and they're misleading so very many.

  The literature is their tool. It represents what they use to disillusion people. It is no wonder that it fuels your irritation.

  I struggle as to whether positing on here hinders my mental health or whether it helps me. I saw a therapist during my divorce and exit from the religion. She suggested that I visit these sites to build a camaraderie with others. Really this is the only place I can ramble (unless among ny few ex HE friends. They understand every view someone has from the active, the fading and the disgruntled ex JW status.

  I guess what I'm saying is that I think this is a good place for you to open up your heart. Your situation is not easy. No doubt it is hard to see an outcome from where you sit. Hopefully your wife will eventually see the religion for what it really is.
• 

  Narcissistic Supply

  problematic, existential schmetzel

  Males get effectively castrated at baptism. If you got kids you got to be a man. If you got a wife you got to be a man. If you want to get castrated become a jw and get baptized. nobody is stopping you.

  end of rant,

  (nothing personal bro)
• 

  Farkel

  : For example, some of the best times I've ever had in my life have been shared with my wife and her JW family when they were love bombing me.

  That's like saying, "some of the best times in my life were when I was stoned on heroin."

  It's the same thing, and the withdrawals are both painful. And they are both worth it.

  Blue pill or red pill. They both have their benefits and they both have their disadvantages. I cannot possibly see any long-term benefit for being enslaved to a cult where the leaders don't care the least about you, but only care about what you can give THEM.

  You really should be rejoicing, given the alternative. You cannot live the life of your wife even if you wanted to do it.. You can only live your own life.

  Farkel
• 

  rmt1

  Caveat: This may be of zero use but it's my response to the phenomena of hating this cult. I'm 40yo and I've been out since 25, and DID at that time have bile like the OP says. I can only say I'm thankfully fortunate to have landed near opportunities for education, but it did help with the bile. Oh, did I have bile... Anyway:
  
  TWS >depends< on you hating it, the TWS, and by collateral association, occasionally JWs.
  A cathexis is an emotional investment, which is the basis of a love/hate relationship. The very worst thing you can do to any conscious thing, whether it is a person or corporation, is to un-exist them. One Could just get out, stay out, and never look back and forget anyone still behind bars. You can do that and have no love or hate for anything TWS related. Another option is to get out, stay out, and be purposefully mindful of either helping people get out of their chains, or warning people that there are bear traps that will clamp down on their leg once they get dunked, etc, etc. I don't actually have to hate the TWS, which is what it wants. I can treat it as a naturally occurring virus, infestation, malignancy, cancer, pestilence, famine, catastrophy, accident of history. (Tornado or earthquake would be giving them a lot of credit). For all these things you have passionate physicians, humanitarians, emergency medical responders who do not take the impersonal, unconscious enemy personally. Treat the TWS as an unconscious beast that feeds itself on the lives of its adherents, and is an unfortunate accident of history to be contained, like an epidemic, and don't take it personally. I contend or claim that you can still have an altruistic mission in life where you do something for reasons greater than the personal, where you do not take the problem personally. Such as, 'this is not an offense against me, now, where I am in my mental place, but I recognize it is an ongoing offence against others'.
• 

  never a jw

  married to JW,

  I am exactly in the same position as you are. I am celebrating my 19 anniversary tomorrow. Life was OK until I found TTATT. Then, things went down hill. Now my main objective is to prepare my children for getting out of the cult as soon as possible. Not easy, those bastards of the FDS ensalve their minds really well. It's unbelievable but the cultic control does happen. I don't think I can be of much help to you because I am as enraged and sometime out of control as you are. The only good from this so far is that I am resolved to get as many people out as it is possible, or prevent some from getting in. So far no tangible results, but I am planting seeds of doubt everywhere.