How can I stop hating the JW religion?

by marriedtoajw 33 Replies latest jw friends

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  nonjwspouse

  Married to a JW, Never A JW, and myself...we are in the same boat.

  I have told my husband that seeing the literature sets me off. We agreed we both would not read any religious material in the bedroom and have any laying about. So far this has worked.

  Being enraged by the sight of that material and even more so enraged seeing your loved one reading it is not irrational.

  We all do need to work on the anger part though because anger isn't healthy, but turning it into a productive feeling is. I use the anger to do research, and try to have as many material for "seeds" as I possibly can. Those seeds are not directly JW, but indirectly related and might cause my husband to thnk...really think. I also use it to try to create in our marriage what he seems to be needing from the organization. For him I believe it is more structure in his life. The other reason I cannot provide ( and neither can they) , and that is relief from his physical illness. ( The belief it will be all over soon) Beyond all that I try to focus on myself and my children. I focus on what my own goals are and recognise he may or may not be in them, but that is life. He could also have died a few months ago ( this is for real, as we just this found out- he was extremely lucky).

  Life is day to day, as well as planning for the future. We never know when the plans/goal might change, but making the goal is important as well as being flexible.

  Seeing a therapist that specialzed in spiritual abuse was also cathartic for me. He helps to ground my anger as well.

  The WTBTS is extremely destructive to a marriage but we also have no ability to control the person that wants to believe in it. We control only ourselves and that can be so difficult sometimes. This site is one lifeline of support and venting for me. I hope it is for you too. Yuku is very good as well.
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  Frazzled UBM

  I hear you - the anger is very hard to deal with. I think it comes from the sense of betrayal that her first allegiance is to the authoritarian organization and also the fact that it is so obviously manipulative to those outside but that she WON'T LISTEN to a message being delivered out of love and caring which creates an overwhelming sense of lack of trust and then there si the guerilla warfare over the kids. My missus isn't taklking to me because I successfully hijacked her latest attempt to drag my 7 year old to the KH by using her unbaptized brother to look after him as I wasn't around. So the slience is now deafening! I hate that evil organization, which has manipulated her her whole life and has turned her into someone I don't recognise since she was reinstated, so much it is hard to put in words. And we have only been married 2.5 years and she ahs only been back in since her dfing for 1.5 so goodness knows how much anger I will have after 17 years if I make it that long!
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  mindnumbed

  Focus on your 12 and 15 year old. Make sure you are building in them the tools to counteract the behind your back indoctrination that your older son has been drawn in with. Make non-witness life fun for them. Teach them realities of life because the JW is empasizing everything that is bad or going wrong and using JW teaching as the only thing good and the only solution.

  You need some help to switch yourself to positive thoughts and actions, you have been on the down side for a few years now about all of this. It's no doubt taking a toll on you and if your kids see this, only feeds into the JW indoctrination that dad needs "The Truth".

  Have you tried approaching your wife with interest in her religion? Have her explain things to you. See if you can get her to research things that you don't understand. You of course have to be able to do this in a way that is genuine and doesn't attack. Have you read Hassan's books yet? If not, and you are serious about not being the victim of Watchtower abuses, you need to get it and educate yourself on how to counteract the cult influence. It isn't an overnight process, it is in most cases a long process requiring patience.

  You don't really need the first book by Hassan, in my opinion, although very helpful, it would probably do your wife more good because it shows the similarities between Hassan's experience and how JW's work without ever mentioning JW's.

  His second book, recently updated, is more about helping those who are in cult-like groups.

  http://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Mind-Helping-Controlling-Beliefs/dp/0967068819/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1359931558&sr=8-1&keywords=freedom+of+mind

  Take control. Learn how to get on the offense in this situation. Your family is worth saving I'm sure.
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  jgnat

  Married to a JW here, too, and most of the anger has dissipated. I reserve my righteous anger for when he crosses the line. Him being a permanent tease, he does give it a try once in a while.

  I'll give an example of righteous anger. A relative just died, and hubby knee-jerked in to the platitudes that Witnesses give each other to feel better. He's not going to heaven. He will be in the ground until he has a chance at paradise. This old world can't last much longer.

  NONE of which makes me feel any better. It's false certainty woven in air, and is an insult to what I believe. Not only that, it comes spouting out when I am at my most vulnerable! So I told him to stop being a "Job's comforter." Foolish man, he didn't know what I was talking about. You know, the book of Job I tell him. He then spouts off the party line on Job. "You missed a big point of that whole book", I told him. "Don't you remember how badly his friends treated him when he was down?" Typical of the society, they glean out the itty bitty message they want from the book, and ignore the big stuff.

  The good thing about my little rant, if hubby goes off the rails again, all I have to whisper is, "Job's comforter."

  Being angry at an object, I think, is a sign that you have been rendered impotent and you see no way out of the situation.

  I think talking to the counsellor is a great idea and you might find new ways to regain control, and get insight in to what is in your domain of control and what is not.

  I agree it is an insult to invite the literature to bed. It's a definite mood-killer.