by Indy98 12 Replies latest social relationships
Everything said so far is "on the money".
It does sound like you're new to the dating thing. Being raised as a JW girl might mean that you're a little more naive and inexperienced than the usual teenager (assuming you are a teen). Don't take that in the wrong way. It just means you need to be more cautious about jumping into a relationship, and even more so about jumping into bed with him.
Doc (a dad's point of view)
My daughter was an unbaptized publisher when she started dating her boyfriend, but it was a long distance relationship. I was already disfellowshipped, so meeting attendance was not super regular, except the times that I was trying to get reinstated for family reasons. Her boyfriend moved in with us in July of 2013, after they had been dating for about 3 years. They got engaged in March of 2014 and she recently broke up with him. She was never marked or reproved for it. BUT she was also not regular at going to meetings and I am not sure when the last time she had turned in time was. I am POSITIVE family and friends in the cong. talked about her and about her dad and I, especially when he moved in. But we really didn't care.
Guess it depends on how regular you are at meetings, the congregation and how your family feels about it. For her, there was no serious consequence. I am sure that if I had seriously tried to get reinstated, they would have questioned his living with us and it may have hindered my reinstatement. Being that I condoned their relationship.
She is dating another non-witness and I have forbidden her from dating witnesses! LOL
They most certainly can and do give "marking" talks about unbaptized publishers/non-publishers. I've seen it about 5 times. They do all but say your name.
I'm not trying to scare you--by all means, do what makes you happiest. But since they cannot DF you, this is the best jab they can make. It's a way to engage the pre-shunning practice. Even tho you're technically not baptized, most will still treat you as if you're DF'ed or reproved anyway.
This can happen simply for dating. You don't even have to engage in anything "sinful." When they find out (and they will), they will strongly encourage you to break it off with this boy and if you don't, you can expect a marking talk and your name announced as "no longer an unbaptized publisher."
It's tough, I know! Hang in there. Do what's best for YOU in YOUR current situation. If your family would still be loving & supportive, that would make things easy for you. If they'd clamp down & make your life miserable until you're 18 (when they can kick you out), that's also worth considering. Is this relationship worth all that extra stress?
If you do intend to make your intentions known as a minor, I highly recommend that you think about your future. If you want to go to college or trade school, that would be extremely difficult if you were sent away on your 18th birthday. So again, weigh all the options and do what's best for YOU. That includes long-term goals. Don't put those in jeopardy unless you're really sure about the decision.
