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Tech 49: the 3 F's...Fading, Field Service, and Friends
by Tech49 32 Replies latest jw experiences
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Tech49
I thought about this post, and wanted to share a several little gems that I feel goes along with the general theme discussed earlier.
Recently, at a weeknight meeting, the CO told us this: (I wrote it down, it was so crazy...) "If we arent at the meetings, we are showing our family and our brothers that we don't care about them."
In the same talk, he RAKED the congregation over for its meeting attendance, a whopping 40% during the week, only a little better on the weekends. So the next meeting, his Sunday talk, meeting attendance was WAAAAAY up. However, next Tuesday, after he left, it was back down to normal. About half the servant body gone too.
Apparently, they dont care about their families or their brothers either!
Secondly, it just amazes me how conditional and fickle "friendships" can be. I have probably mentioned this before, as have many others. Just as soon as they dont see your face darken the doorway of a particular window-less building in the area (the KH), suddenly its as if you are invisible. Elders and servants cant be bothered to even join you for dinner! Just too busy, they say! Not long ago, several got it into their minds that our home was a convenient "potty break" spot while out in the field. They started just dropping by, and knocking on the door, asking to pee!
My lovely Vic got tired of that after about the second time.... these pretentions folks have the nerve to ask to piss in your toilet, but can't just be a friend and check up on you if you arent seen for a while? Or accept your dinner invites? She told them to call first next time... so they did, and she said NO. Oh my gal! She's a hoot!
Anyways, carry on.
Jack Harper, Tech49
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Oubliette
the CO told us this: (I wrote it down, it was so crazy...) "If we arent at the meetings, we are showing our family and our brothers that we don't care about them."
He almost got that right. This is actually what he should have said, "If we arent at the meetings, we are showing our family and our brothers that we don't care about conditional approval and being manipulated by psychological coercion in a pseudo-religious cult."
Tell "the friends" in your congregation that your house is not a Public Toilet.
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hamsterbait
Hi Tech-
You are a member of the gorup who resents the fact that the elduhs have left you alone.
Others on the board complain that the elduhs didnt leave them alone.
INTERFERING/IGNORING
For most of us what the elduhs do in either direction is irrelevant...
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Tech49
Hampersterbait, after reflecting on your comment for a bit.....you are 100% correct. I AM resentful, and bent out of shape a little bit that they have left us alone. I will admit it, freely.
But you see, therein lies the hypocrisy. They arent "supposed" to leave you alone. They arent doing their HolySpirit-Appointed job. And THAT is what makes me angry...the pure hypocrisy, sillyness, and stupidity of it all. If you dont serve the interests of, and cower in front of the congregation, or the elders, or the organization as a whole, then you are nothing.
Myself and my family are not DF, or DA, no JC, or restrictions, or anything.... we just "do less". We do what we want, when we want. That's it! Still, its enough out of "line" to be labeled as "lacking spiritually", or "non-appreciative of spiritual provisions". Gag.
Sure, it still hurts. Especially after so many years being a "front man" myself. Thats what conditional approval for so many years does to a person's psyche. People who claim to be the "happiest people in the world", or the "most loving brotherhood ANYWHERE"... they are not, and they dont. I know I am not alone in this observation. They honestly dont know HOW to be real friends, or even to REALLY care in a way that goes beyond the obvious.
There are a few families that I really do/did care about. And now, they continue to just be busy with whatever WT tells them, and they are oblivious to the reality surrounding them. Gotta go pass out more "god-given" district convention invites! (Last week, at the Service Meeting, the elder giving the part said that G-HOVAH PROVIDED THESE FINE INVITATIONS FOR US TO USE!!) No time for social activities!
I guess its all part of the process though. Do I care what the elders do? Not as much as I used to, and less and less every day. Someday soon, I wont care at all. Its all a part of rebuilding myself, and continuing this journey wherever it may take me and my family.
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joe134cd
This subject interests me deeply, and below is a recent post discussing my observations.
The thing that really baffles me, is how an organisation is prepared to spend millions of dollars and countless hours in recruitment, and yet will do virtually nothing in caring or retaining that member( sorry unless it's for a JC, or to ask why you arnt out knocking on doors). I believe the answer to growth isn't in the door to door recruitment, but more in caring and retaining it's current membership. I see other religions who are spending big money on its youth programs and trying to creat a sense of community with in its organisation, which in turn helps to retain it's membership. I believe watchtowers money would be far better spent on retaining rather than on recruitment.
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joe134cd
To be honest I would be thankfull that no one is interested in knowing where you are. Below is a comment that I have copied from the above mentioned thread.
Frazzled UBM= As an outsider I find this discussion interesting. The congs are damned if they do and damned if they don't. If they do chase up faders then this is harrassment and if they don't it is uncaring. Personally I would love it if my wife's 'friends' didn't call her every time she misses a meeting. I think this form of subtle pressure makes her go back the next week.
yeah I agree with you ( and I was the one who started the thread). I just find it puzzling, with the amount of people they lose every year, why they arnt been more proactive. Don't get me wrong I'm happy it worked out the way it did, and it saved me a lot of stress with having to deal with them. But what I thought would be the case, was exactly the opposite.
Even as I look back on past events e.g deceased sister in cong who I never knew who died. I have to ask myself just how I could not have known.
The thing that I find totally ironic. Is how they are prepared to spend 1000s of hours for a new recruit, and yet not even know the person had died. In the TMS If you were to count the time allotted to finding a new recruit as apposed to retaining him, it would be telling. I think the problem that Wt is having trouble understanding, is the reason for poor growth (particularly in western lands) is the out ward flow of people. When you look at the figures and see that for every increase in publisher one baptised person is leaving. 2/3 of the youth are leaving. JW have the lowest retention rate of any main religion. One has to ask would that time and money be better spent on retention rather than on magazine distribution. I work with this penticostal guy and he quite often talks about team building events that is openly encouraged, and in some cases subsidised by the church. They have church councillors who have had secular training, to help not only it's members but also outsiders who may want assistance. These things are not only helping it's members not to secumb to the pressures of the world e.g drugs, gambling, sex etc but also inevitably retaining them. Wt chooses to solve the problem at the other end by disfellowshipping the unrepentant sinner once the problem is out of control.
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stuckinarut2
Hey Tech49!
Thanks for reviving this thread...I had missed it the first time.
I hear ya completely!
My wife and I are in the 'fade', although we have never actaully spoken of it in words...but it seems like we are on the same page.
BUT recently I have been getting attention from the elders... (I'm still a MS)
I wish that they would just leave us alone, as the added pressure is annoying...
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James Jack
Haven’t heard from you in a while. How’s things going for you and the family?
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GregW
"If we aren't at the meetings, we are showing our family and our brothers that we don't care about them."
Fear, Obligation and Guilt
Its used to manipulate and control people in the JWS religion.