INSEARCHOF, you are pretty funny.
Was Your Leaving The Witnesses A Very Gradual Process Or A Quick One?
by minimus 59 Replies latest jw friends
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stuckinlimbo
Very quick. Once I learned TTATT my husband and I left cold turkey. Some well meaning witnesses, to their credit, visited us and offered support, but when we acted like nothing was wrong and we were fine they pretty much left us alone. The witnesses are still friendly to us in our town but one of my own brothers shuns me. Go figure.
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Glander
Glander, did you get DFd for apostasy?
Yes
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Dagney
(waves to shop )
Quick. I had sort of a an "out of body" moment of clarity during a Sunday WT study, and suddenly felt like I didn't belong there. My whole life flashed in my brain and what the consequences probably would be, almost like the split seconds you hear about before death. It was my last meeting. I didn't know what I was going to do; it was not planned. I was just done. And it felt absolutely like the right thing to do. I was so sure, I have never questioned it. I had no influence from the internet or anything. I read up on that stuff after I left.
As I think back on it, it was really strange how it all happened. But I am sooo glad I ripped the bandaid. It probably would have taken me years if I had thought it through and weighed it all out. Phew.
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Mum
I'm not sure. I know I had issues with certain things. Once a sister in our congregation got engaged to a "worldly" guy, really a guy who was several levels above most JW's in every way. When word got around that she was engaged, members of the congregation started calling her. I made the obligatory call as well (after all, I was an elder's wife ). Her mother told me later that I was the only caller who was not harsh or unkind. That set me to thinking. Most of all, I knew I did not want my then 7-year-old daughter to have the kind of life I had.
After the Jonestown massacre, there was an article in one of the magazines stating that each person needed to have a strong mind and not be sucked in to blind obedience to unreasonable demands. This was news to me! Obedience was all I had ever learned, not just from the JW's, but from my pathological family as well.
I also recall a moment of clarity when I realized that I had been a better person before I was a JW. There was no escaping it. I knew it was true.
What really blasted me away was that I could no longer bear my life with my JW husband, of being monitored and accused of "thinking" bad thoughts, of being derided for taking some college classes, of fighting every day about what I "could" and "couldn't" do. I was close to 30 years old, and feld I had learned enough from life to make my own decisions. My daughter was watching and learning too much about how to be a doormat, which I did not wish her to be
So I quit my classes, which made my husband happy. Then I started planning my escape. Other dubs actually helped me. They could see I was falling apart without a word from me. One of my friends made my airline reservations using a pseudonym (something that can't be done today). On the day I left, she met me at a shopping center and took us to the airport. My daughter was crying because I didn't tell her because, in her innocence, she would have told her dad and he would have stopped me.
We went to the other end of the country, where I had a cousin who took us in. I got a job right away. This was in 1979, so there was no internet, so I was pretty much on my own. It was not all smooth sailing by any means, but the one important difference was that I had something to look forward to - hope for the future. I could make my own decisions and bear the consequences - as an adult!
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LisaRose
I heard an expression the other day that describes what many of us went through, the "exploding doormat". We were told to be humble, to obey, to never ask for anything, to work tirelessly in serving the organization. I think many tried their best, but eventually reached their limit and couldn't take it anymore, thus becoming exploding doormat.
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Hortensia
I was severely depressed for a couple of years. Then one day I moved, for other reasons, and I simply never went to the KH again. Only one elder ever tracked me down, just to tell me that his wife didn't have any friends without me. Nothing I could about that.
However, it took some time to get the JW conditioning out of my mind. Counseling helped. Reading a lot about science helped. Just living in the world with normal, sane people helped.
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OnTheWayOut
Along the lines of the opening post, I started the gradual process of leaving shortly after the 1995 change in "generation." That would mean it took me 11 years. Mental anguish built up over various things during those 11 years. My attitude slowly changed- looked for a career over a job because I thought I would retire (and maybe grow old) in THIS SYSTEM OF THINGS and I stopped standing in the way of my wife getting a college degree.
But looking at it another way, a little over 10 years after I started changing, I finally got over my fear of questioning Watchtower and literally googled "Jehovah's Witnesses." I resigned as an elder and was totally out in less than a year from that google.
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cofty
About a year from first reading the "Generation" WT in '95
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Hortensia
That "generation" WT in 95 must have been a doozy. I was out a long time by then, so never read it. Glad it was the impetus that caused a lot of you to start thinking and get the hell out!
I'm afraid I didn't do any thinking at all until I was no longer attending meetings and associating with JWs. As I felt better, I started reading and thinking.