THE FACTS AND NOTHING BUT THE FACTS TO HELP ME AVOID GUILT IF HE DIES. MY DESIRE IS TO KILL ALL VESTIGES OR TRACES OF ANY CONFUSING EMOTIONS IF LORD DEATH TAKE'S HIM OUT. THE ENTIRE STORY LACKING SOME MINOR DETAILS ARE PRESENTED SO I MAY REMAIN CLOAKED. The goal of this thread is to help anyone sort out the conflicting emotions or "lack of emotions" in each individual Jehovah's Witness who are trying to do the right thing by shunning everyone who does not meet our expectations or that of the Governing Body! That is where I am at in my life, after fifty-seven years of a glorious life in the Truth, I am almost 99% dead to emotional concerns to anyone who can't jump through all the hoops or keep up with Jehovah's Organizational Chariot (Treadmill of Theocratic Activity). My friends think I am a emotional vampire and a fake because I don't care about anyone or anything other than my position in the Kingdom Hall as Elderette!
@ Confusedandalone:
1. My dad is not disfellowshiped, he has been unable to attended meetings since his cancer spread into his liver. I have not been to see him because I do not like him anymore. He's all "dried up and shriveled up" I was told by a elder who visited him a few weeks ago.
2. I went through some very bad times, my husband wanted to stay at home during the 1991-1994 period, getting a job was not high on his list so I was stuck making $8 a hour. I had to work two jobs to provide food and no money to make credit card payments, pay the car payments or rent. Dad and Mom were making $600 a month from his disability pension, they borrowed against their house to allow me to have the financial breathing room we needed. It took about two to three years to finally get my husband in a job he would not get fired at. He went through ten jobs and got fired because he would not show up after the third day, he would alway's say "I should stay at home and pioneer, you know the End is near and by working you are supporting the Kingdom by me Pioneering and having the Slave use me as a Elder!"
3. Yes, he is dying, when the ambulence came by to take him to the hospital four months ago, we both stood at our gate and watched them load him into it and never called or checked on him. My husband is at home, he often works from 9:00 AM to 12:30, Three Hours is a long day for him these days.
4. In my younger days I did not get a education, I barely paid attention in High School so it's easy for a person to be swayed by a strong arming man. My lord (Hubby) convinced me that Dad was like Korah, not listening to the instruction of the modern Moses and going around their back by bringing my brother who was living out under a bridge. Call my brother Joey, Joey was not attending the Meetings, hanging around with homeless people and doing bad things we are told to shun. When they brought Joey back on their land (I rented their rental until or paid $100 a month in rent) my husband and I were strong and have not spoken with them for seven years now. I hope he dies pretty quick! Since coming back from Panama as Pioneers, they stopped attending meetings regularly when they both got sick, so if they don't attend Meetings I can easily classify them as "Weak" or "In-Active" or "Bad Associate" because they still help my drug addicted brother with money when he can't pay his bills.
I swear to Jehovah this is a true story, call me crazy or evil but I want to kill anything left inside me that my pop up if he dies. I want no regrets showing him and mom that they should have not acted like Korah or Miriam!
...OUTLAW