In your own words,,,,,,

by label licker 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  label licker

  please tell my thirty-six year old niece what you would tell all your loved ones if they were to go back to the cult because they wanted to see their loved ones again.

  She was df'd at sixteen for being a teenager with an anxiety disorder, Her dad had walked out on her and her family(2 other sisters) when they were young and never supported them or the mother. All of them had to live with their grandmother. After the last child left home, their father has their mother move back in with him. Both of them extremely selfish and now they are both in this religion acting like the holies of holies forgetting about their three little lives they messed up.

  This niece of mine has not seen her parents since she's been df'd and now she is thirty-six living commonlaw with a cop who does everything with his kids and seperated wife but nothing with her. (He even goes on trips with his seperated wife and kids for a week here and there but leaves my niece back at home) She is hungering for a family she either can't have or doesn't have.

  She has a big heart and works with autistic children. I told her I was going to put her story on here and to see what you folks think. Why am I doing it here? She told me she was going back to the troof so she could see her two sisters and her niece and nephew that she's never met yet. One is ten and the other is eight.

  I'm lost for words especially when she knows now what we've been through coming out of this cult as well as my friend who hung herself last month.(My friend was studied with for two years and when she wouldn't committ and was still living an immoral lifestyle, the sister,elders wife, who was studying with her told her she was not welcomed at the hall or at the congregation picnic) Right after this she took her life. My niece also knows that her grandmother(my mother) had taken her life as well. This young woman knows first hand what this cult can do to people and yet she's willing to go back knowing it's not the truth just for the sake of being loved.

  She said she would take a look at all your replys. This is a first since I've tried to get her on here for quite awhile. I'll do whatever it takes for her to see the light. What else can I do?????Hopefully she will read more than just this story and be moved to not going back. Talk to her would you, please?
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  label licker

  Forgot to tell you her name is April.
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  exwhyzee

  Just based on the information you have given, it sounds like April isn't going back to the Witnesses because she thinks it's "the truth" but because she only wants to be with her family. (completely understandable) She's remembering them and her life as a Witness from memories that are 20 years old and is likely seeing things through rose colored galsses, which tends to happen with the passage of time. Who knows, maybe after 20 years, her parents have improved, they are the only ones she has and sometimes you have to take what you can get. If she is able to go back and have her sisters in her life again, yet keep her perspective about this religion and glean what she can from it, maybe it will help her through this difficult time. I know people who are on what I call the "JW My Way" plan. They decide what they do and don't beleive of the JW doctrine. They decide how much or how little they participate. They choose to be in it because it provides a means for them to feel a part of a group of for some other personal reason but not because they think JW's are the absolute universal truth out there. They are not sentimental about it, it simply serves a need they have. Their relationship is with God, and are only JW's because they happened to be the religion they were raised in or happened to become involved with at some point.

  After one's life is tangled up in this religion, they sort of have to navigate their way to some sort of normal, any way they can. If April can't see her family any other way, maybe she can fight fire with fire until she makes what she deserves to have happen, come to pass.

  One thing is for sure, she is not alone. It's unbeleivable how many lives and whole family lineages have been disrupted or permanently altered by this organization. I've been out for about 4 years, I swear not a month goes by where I don't hear about another JW acquaintance who is leaving, has left or is being shunned. I just happened again today. I don't know how they can survive as an organization if this is happening everywhere.
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  Iown Mylife

  I can't add anything to Exwhyzee, but just want to say I am ashamed of being in that cult. And that cult should be ashamed of itself too.
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  ruderedhead

  April, you're a young woman yet You have a wonderful life ahead of you if you allow it.. You seem to be drawn to people who are not good to you, whose love is conditional. You are living with a man who goes on vacation with the woman he's seperated from? He's not divorced? That says something about his character, or lack of, right there. He's got it made, honey. He's having sex with both of you.

  Your parents & siblings love is conditional, April. You know this religion is not "the truth". Honey, why do you want to be with people who will love you only on their terms? Have you reached out to them, told them you love them? If they rebuff you, telling you they don't want anything to do with you unless you return, is that REAL love? NO. But it is a cult mindset. You were ousted at 16 for being a teenager with an anxiety disorder? That's loving and Christian! Your Father leaves all of you until you are too old for him to have any financial obligation, then returns? Sorry, but he's a hypocritical asshole, and your Mom and sisters are foolish if they are acting like it doesn't matter because he's with the witnesses now.

  May I suggest you seek some counseling to find out why you feel you need these people in your life? They treat you poorly, and you allow it. Please consider getting your finances in order, don't let Mr. Player know you are doing it, and one day simply move out, telling him you are simply too good for him. Widen your circle of friends through work, clubs, volunteering. That will help fill the void of your family if they won't have anything to do with you. You obviously have relatives who love you inconditionally, as they care enough to seek help for you here. So you definately have UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FROM FAMILY MEMBERS! Cherish them. All the best to you.
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  clarity

  Dear April .... lt is April`s showers that bring May`s flowers,

  so some good can aways happen.

  '

  Sometimes going back to the KH works out OK, ...you have

  somewhere to go on a Sunday & Wednesday evening .......and

  you start to look sorry for all your bad stuff! lol

  .

  But not always ...in some KH`s you will always be viewed with

  suspicion and never quite good enough!

  .

  Whoops, sory my computer is doing crazy things here, can`t

  get rid of this bold!

  .

  Anyway ...April, in your frame of mind & needing family,

  I say,plse do what ever it will take to get the anxiety level down,

  you can work other stuff out later when you feel better.

  .

  I hope for your sake, that this bunch at the hall are more

  loving & kind than most!

  Do what you want ....you can always leave again....there is

  no big hurry ......armageddon is not coming to kill anyone!

  Very best wishes

  clarity
• 

  Narcissistic Supply

  Just a bunch of narcissists doing whatever it takes to obtain narcissistic supply.
• 

  scary21

  April, you are still young enough to have your own life, your own husband, and your own family. Why take someones leftovers when you don't have to ?

  You already have problems without making more for yourself. If you go back to the JW's you will be sorry.

  When I was almost your age ( 32 ), I knew I wanted to be married . I went through a few prospects. They had to have little or no baggage. ( ex wifes )

  Had to have a job, be smart, fun ,good lover.......and I had to be in love.

  Met a guy who fit the bill, he was 27 years old. Don't dismiss the younger ones....you are still young enough that this can happen to you too.

  If you go back to the JW's, well, theres not alot of men to find. I don't understand why a young women like you wants to be with

  someone who has already made a life......Get your own.......and not your sisters either ..... YOU GO GIRL !!

  If you are soooo much in love with this guy that you can't do this, can't find a better life , can't give him up . So be it , but remember he

  has a family. Someday there will be grand kids too. You can never change that. If you change your mind later. It will most likely be to late to have the dream I am telling you about.

  The dream will pass you by Forget going back to the JW's, they will shatter ALL your dreams. Do you really want to live in the lie ?

  Do you really want to be like these people who shun you ? Do you really want someone telling you how to dress, what to read,

  what movies you can see. Don't forget the day may come YOU will have to shun someone.... All this is just MHO

  HUGS Sherry
• 

  LisaRose

  April, you need to learn to value love yourself before you can create a true family. Hiding who you are and saying you believe in things you don't to gain the companionship of you bio family will not bring you the connection you crave. That love will always be conditional. It might feel good at first, but will not work long term - it's too big of a price to pay.

  Your attempt to fix your painful situation by clinging to a relationship that is not giving you what you need is not working either. When you learn to love yourself and figure out what you need, then you can determine whether your current relationship is salvageable. I will give your current partner the benefit of the doubt and assume you are not being vocal enough about what your needs are. If he is the right one for you, he may be willing to contribute more to the relationship, if you are clear about what those needs are. If he is unwilling to change, then you have a difficult choice to make.

  Please know that you are important, you deserve love in your life. The Watchtower will convince you that you are worthless, that you need a printing company to tell you what to think, do, and say. They will demand a slavish devotion, with ridiculous requirements of your time. You will constantly feel guilty for not meeting those requirements. Your family will go along with it because they are under cult mind control. You are better than this. Almost any other religion is better than this one. No religion is OK too.
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  Hortensia

  Well, I recommend going to counseling before making any major decisions like going back to the wtbts. Counseling helped me enormously, my life is a lot better for it. You might have to try a couple of counselors before you find one that suits you, but when you do the counselor can really help you sort out your life and make it better.