April, its nearly midnight and I'm pretty tired. I'm writing this with tears falling on the keyboard. I was going to start a thread asking if there was anyone out there who is missing their mother- whether she has died or is emotionally unavailable due to the cult or something else. Hubby has no children and I have one grown child who doesn't have much need for me in her life. We would like to eventually take in a couple of foster children but are not in a position to do this right now. April, I don't know you but I would like to. I know first hand what it is like to ache for a mothers unconditional love-but to never quite measure up. I also know the burning desire to have my own children, only to experience many years of infertility. Eventually, I was blessed with a son and then a daughter but life reared it's ugly head and my children and I became estranged when I divorced their father and remarried. My son came back to me some years ago only to die in an accident at age 21. April, there are loving people here who are hurting and yearn for someone to nurture and love. I would consider it an honor if you would PM me.
In your own words,,,,,,
by label licker 14 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
label licker
3rdgen, I will get her to pm you. She is coming up tomorrow to visit me and will see if she will talk to you. Her live-ins family have told her they consider her family no matter what but she has said to them that it's still not the same. She has no use for how she was raised by her parents and I feel this is why she is willing to take whom ever that will give her just a little attention.
Her live in has three teenagers, one which has severe autisim and if I know April, just watching how her live- in fathers his kids is what attracted her in the first place to him. Not realiseing that she could never have that kind of protective care and love from him like she should have had and still hasn't experienced in life.
It's just a vicous cycle that has to be ended. She saw her mom allow it as well as her grandmother(my mother) allow it as well.
-
jamiebowers
There are many other ways to build a family and have loving relationships other than returning to the Watch Tower cult. The first would be to learn to love yourself and then build a social life with non-toxic people. You're only setting yourself up for heartbreak if you count on jws to fill a void. Watch Tower relationships are very conditional. If you're unable or unwilling to be and do what you're told, jws will turn on you all over again.
-
Mum
April, it is clear that you do not value yourself. What your father, then your mother, did to you is inexcusable. Don't judge yourself or treat yourself the way you do because of your parents. You are a wonderful person, and not like them.
Please learn to value yourself enough not to let others take advantage of you. Marilyn French said that life rewards you for pleasure and punishes you for pain. You are a prime example of the latter part of that sentence. But you need to do something about it. What kind of life do you want? Do you even know? A counselor might be able to help you set goals for yourself, then steps to reach those goals.
Are you prepared for the heavy burdens of being a JW again? Do you want to always be reading their self-aggrandizing literature? Do you want to obey, even if it hurts you or others, and makes no sense? Do you want to go in field service to try to convert others to a religion you don't even believe in? Do you want to be criticized for what you wear, what kind of entertainment you choose, who your friends are, and such nonsense. You have earned the right to make your own decisions and live in freedom. I hope you won't give up the freedom and potential you have to make a goode life for yourself.
What do you like to do, or what would you like to learn? Knitting, ceramics, jogging, walking, great books, making jewelry? It's all there for you if you will give it to yourself. Visit the public library and find some books on subjects that interest you, or just some good books to read for pleasure. Listen to self-help and motivational tapes. When I was a JW, I was complaining to a friend about what my husband would not allow me to do. Her reply was one I'll never forget. She said, "Sometimes you have to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps." I realized then that I was an adult living as though I were still a child.
You don't need anyone's permission to live your life your way. Decide what you want, and go after it!
I recommend Dr. Wayne Dyer's book Your Erroneous Zones to get you started. He gives you reason to not worry about what others think of you and has strategies for coping with negative emotions.
Best wishes for a happier life from here on out.
-
SAHS
“ She was df'd at sixteen for being a teenager with an anxiety disorder, Her dad had walked out on her and her family . . .”
You might want to remind April that the Jehovah’s Witness have already dumped her before. They have already shown their true colors. Remember, it was the actions of the Jehovah’s Witnesses in executing the Watchtower’s cruel shunning policies, which they have imposed upon and demanded of their congregation members and family members, whether they like it or not – yes, it was they, the Jehovah’s Witnesses, who have already victimized April. And since she is apparently living common-law with someone now, then if she tries to go back to the Jehovah’s Witnesses, it is just a predictable setup for her to be disfellowshipped – dumped – again by the cult. It’s unfortunate, but she is just setting herself up for more emotional heartache by going back to the judgmental and abusive environment of the Watchtower religion.