apologies to ubms.....confessions from the o

by Miss.Fit 16 Replies latest jw friends

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  Miss.Fit

  All: sorry about my posting. I am posting on my phone. It only lets me write so much and then I have to submit before I lose it.

  @garyneal: thatis the point I am trying to get accross. Most nonJws. will not be able to understand that concept. Was your wife raised in ? We are taught that we must follow the org. Instructions and we if we dont we are disobeying Jehovah. So in that sense we did

  choose our mates over our religion. Being on this site has made me understand the mind control.

  But the guiltis very real and constant.At the meetings we are told about how disloyal it is. Do you know how hard it was to sit through the "dont marry unbelievers " articles? I was in tears. I felt I had betrayed god. But I also knew what a loving man I had married. B ut I was told how he would die at the great T. Then I would feel guilty because I couldnt get him in.

  The thing is he never misrepresented himself...I knew exactly what I was getting. I dont think he could say the same.
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  garyneal

  Yep, she's a born in.
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  Miss.Fit

  To my dear husband:

  You never knew that I was already grieving for you in my heart. I really believed gods judgment was coming. But I knew you. You have a good heart. If I could see it , why couldnt Jehovah? It must be me. I am not winning you by my conduct. After all I miss a lot of meetings, I compromise a lot... we go to your grandmas birthday reunion and Easter dinner. Sure I can rationize it but I am a bad example and so it will be my fault when you die.

  I would come home from the assembly and tell you I was going to go back to meetings and get active. You would just smile. You knew. For 26 years you have watched me yo yo bac k and forth. You knew I would always c hoose you. But you were wise enough to let me figure it out my self.

  I never told you this... sometimes I secretly wished you would ask me to stay home with you. If you had somethng planned I would have stayed. You make a good excuse. People know I have an Ubm and so I have an excuse.

  You were very smart. You never put me on the defensive. You just let me know your view and accepted my right to have my view. We agreed that we would not force a religon on our kids. You told me I could take the kidd but if they did not want to go they did not have to . I am sorry if I ever made you feel2nd best. Y
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  Miss.Fit

  @garyneal: how did you meet? Did she tell you up front she was a JW? Is she trying to go back?
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  Miss.Fit

  To my dear husband:

  I never told you this: I used to hate it when someone would ask about you. They wouldn be sympathtic because you wers an UBM. They would ask if you were opposed ..just think how much encouragment and sympathy i would have gotten if I could tell them you were opposed and abusive. But I was boring my hubby never stood in my way.

  It was very hard to leave you at home. Then when the kids got older , they stayed home.

  I just wanted to say that I now know I dont have to put myself through that anymore.

  You might have notice d that I have been home more and more lately. I am tired of the yo yo

  I choose you. I choose us. I believe a god of love would approve.

  Thank you f or supporting me and giving me unconditional love.

  Your loving wife
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  garyneal

  how did you meet? Did she tell you up front she was a JW? Is she trying to go back?

  We met at a store where we both use to work.

  Did I know? Yes, I kind of figured it out. You see, I had a friend who was a witness so I sort of knew a little about their beliefs. Of course, her father made it real clear when he found out we were dating and came running up to me one day to 'lay down the law.'

  I think she is teetering, not sure if she wants to go back, torn between pleasing her mother and living according to 'God's' standards and wanting to live her own life.
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  Miss.Fit

  @garyneal: it is really hard to stay out if you have jw family close by.

  My mom lived out of state so it was easier on me. Is your wife close with your side of the family?

  I thinkin my case I wanted the social part. The only friends I had were JWs.

  I wish you and your wife all the best.