Looking for advice

Liveandlearn

Hello, I've finally been approved here so it's time for my first post. I got disfellowshipped a few months ago as I was unrepentant in my judicial. I'd lived with a situtation for a long time. I couldn't handle living a lie and covering up for people who were doing worse things I was and getting away with it. I know for a fact my friends got drunk, scammed people out of money, business pracitses were illegal, they held grudges, swore, drunk drove...... i could go on

The elders seemed to have taken a shine to me or just didn't want to cong rocked by such a terrible event as me leaving so they spent a lot of time telling me that I wouldn't be disfellowshipped if I repented there and then. I'll not deny it, I'll use anything I can to get what I want so i charmed them into having them admit this outright. I work in sales so If I manage to massage a few egos and it works o my advantage hell yes I'm going to do it. I didn't want that. I needed to get out and be free even just for a little while so i told them I wanted to go.

I get how some of you feel, that it's not the truth or you felt treated unfairly, an honestly, I appreciate your feelings. Mine are mine alone as to how I view the society, the brothers and what's taught in kingdom halls. I've been through far too much in my life to deny the existence of god and i enjoy reading the bible and I know that although there are some people who will go out of their way to make others lives miserable, that's the same in all areas of life. It's a bitch. I was one of those guys who wouldn't care if someone said they weren't interested on the ministry. I wasn't out to convert so my report was always fabricated. I'm not interested in being proved wrong about doctrine, because i dont care.

I want to get reinstated to see my family but I'm living with my partner. How can this happen? Am I going to have to have shotgun wedding because I really don't want that. I can't keep it hidden as people will find out.

I'm not going to all the meetings. If I lie and say I'm going to another town's hall at the weekends will they check up with the elders there?

During my 'community service' do they expect me to stay away from nonJWs? I gave them up when I came into the truth ten years ago so I have no one apart from work friends. I'm happy to go out and party with them but is this going to count against me because if it will i just wont tell them.

What makes me laugh is the way they have been so seethrough. One old bag who is the most smelly, dirty woman but preaches about "the work" as cleaning peoples lives won't stand next to me during the prayer, she moves out of her seat, stands at the back and waits for me to leave. The rest make a real effort to turn their nose up when they see me at the shops. If this is meant to shame me it doesn't

Any ideas on how to get this done quickly and painlessly?

laverite

Liveandlearn - There aren't any magical quick and painless answers to what you want to do. You have someone you are "living" with, don't want to marry necessarily (but don't want to give up "living" with your partner), don't really want to go to all meetings and maybe lie about where you go, etc., etc. etc...but want to get reinstated quickly and painlessly.

No magical ways to get this done, I'm afraid. Figure out what hoops they want you to jump through and do it if you want back in. If you want to live with your sweetie, perhaps move 30 miles away where they won't drop in on you, and commute to meetings. Get creative if you want to do it, but it will not necessarily be quick or painless. It will be pretty tough doing all this work necessary to get back in IMHO.

Best of luck to you as you seek your reinstatement.

Bob_NC

Hi Liveandlearn. I am one who believes that The Watchtower and the religion of Jehovah's Witnesses is a snare and a racket, a scam, and a burden to its members. BUT...

You cannot have it both ways. You cannot live as you wish and also become a reinstated member. Measuring whether association with worldly friends will count against your reinstatement is trivial. You just made the choice to be DFd when the elders were offering a way out. So what has changed? You still want to live as you wish. That is not how being a JW works. My advice, for what its worth.

Giordano

I'm confused you were DF a few months ago because you wantred to be out and now you want to get back in and your willing to lie about it? What am I not understanding?

Wasanelder Once

Look, the smelly lady doesn't want to come near you because you are DF'd? Sounds like win win to me. You know the drill, don't play us here.

Liveandlearn

thanks for your replies, can't believe i forgot this bit! I was in arush writing this! I was married, now divorced. I wanted a way out from that as the elders didn't seem to think we should seperate. It was the only way to be free. I want to see my family again, but I don't want to be bound by their rules. I stayed in the truth for every else's sake but mine. now i want back in to speak to my parents, brother and sister an I'm happy to jump through hoops if that's what it means

I broke the rules, I got culled. But i know loads more who did the same as me but don't tell anyone. why should I be punished when they can get on doing the same without recompense?

nugget

your post concerns me a little. You have been df'd and are in a relationship with a non witness. You are still in a relationship but attending meetings with the hope of being reinstated in order to associate with friends and family.

Your relationship status if discovered will prevent you being reinstated. I have to ask how fair is it to be in a relationship with someone knowing that you will have to throw them under the bus to achieve your reinstatement objective. How does your partner feel about you going back into an organisation where they will not be considered as important or relevent? I personally would be reluctant to bring another person into this mess until you knew exactly how things are likely to pan out.

It is good to be confident but sometimes you cannot have everything your own way and you need to take the feelings of others into account.

laverite

Liveandlearn - who cares what others are doing and what they can get away with. Worry about yourself. That's the kind of mentality one finds among elementary school children. It does not reflect a mature way to go through life as an adult.

You will have to figure out how to balance the lies, knowing you could get caught (by family, friends, elders, etc.) at any moment. You will live a double life. You will be a person with dual identities. Do not think for a moment that you will escape unscathed from living like that.

OUTLAW

I know loads more who did the same as me but don't tell anyone.

why should I be punished when they can get on doing the same without recompense?

Because..

Your the One that got Caught..

...................... ...OUTLAW

laverite

I hope my post above does not sound too harsh. But it's honest. Liveandlearn, you sound very young from your posts. I'm guessing you are an adult, as you have been married. There is most assuredly a maturity issue here. Try to grow and develop as an adult and work on becoming a more mature person who isn't so concerned about what others are getting to do vs. what you get to do. Greater happiness and personal fulfilllment become more possible and you will be more likely to find peace.

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