Am I wasting my time? (page 2)

Bella15

Yes, you are wasting your time. Stick to your wife and live happily ever after ...

To clarify and be my own devil's advocate. (1) She disassociated herself at 18. (2) I was justified to be angry, but in doing so, I have driven a wedge between her and her family. In hindsight, the issues would have disappeared for another 10 years if I hadn't made an issue of it. (3) The issue occurred several months ago. I just stumbled across some of the scripture in question recently and tried to re-open a discussion with my brother-in-law.

jgnat

Her brother put in the wedge when he intervened, trembling, bible in hand. The Witnesses have a reputation to uphold, after all. People who exit are not supposed to be thriving. They had to punish her somehow.

Narcissistic Supply

Dude. That was FRIGGIN awesome! God bless you and the horse you rode in on!

Captain Obvious

These aren't regular Christians... They're cult members. All brainwashed. You are wasting time on your BIL, most say spend that on your wife but.. You need to understand. While the JW stuff may not have fully sunk in with her, she may still have some of the cult phobias or reactions built in. Do some more reading around here, you'll find out what I mean. Any supposed interest they may think you have in their religion they will eat up, thinking you cannot help but see The Truth. They reason from the position that they are right, everyone else is wrong because their little books say so. Like I said, cult. When you challenge their beliefs, you activate their cult personality and drive them deeper in. Just be glad your wife isn't still in... But be careful they don't try to rope her back, as they definitely will do. Some distance from her family will be best. Good luck!

Separation of Powers

Mrhhome Kudos to you for standing up for your wife. Most actions of JW's can be explained away as nonsensical Biblical interpretation. However, when it comes to funerals, the "shunning" is used as a hammer. What is EXTREMELY funny is their opinion that it is OK for a JW to attend a funeral of a "non believer" even to the extent of attending it in a church or house of worship other than the KH. The reason is obvious, let the "non believer" see that JW's are not fanatical, heartless, brazen bastards and maybe the "non believer's" heart will soften. But, when it comes to the disfellowshipped, treat them like trash in your own hall! Hypocrisy at its finest! As for changing their minds, in the immortal words of Yoda, "Never underestimate the power of the Dark Side." just a thought, SOP

adamah

mrhhome said-

My wife thinks that I am wasting my time trying to talk to them. As she says, "You underestimate the power of their conviction. You cannot reason with them." Maybe she is right, but I hold out hope that her brother realizes (or will realize) that this is non-sense. Am I wasting my time?

First off, welcome aboard!

"Are you wasting your time"? It depends on what your goal is.

If you goal is to extricate her family from the JWs, as a ex-Baptist with no connection to the JWs (aside from marrying an ex-member), I dare say you should probably listen to your wife on this one: you likely stand a snowball's chance in Gehenna of using LOGIC to convince them, as JWs actually rely on their own unique brand of logic (more like a psuedo-logic, with a creamy fallacy-filled center). They consider you as a "Worldly One", and they ain't buying religion, they're SELLING it. Talking to a JW is usually like a conversation with an automaton, as they're not listening to what YOU say, but pre-selecting from a palette of JW-approved responses to appear to be engaging in conversation, selecting the appropriate canned theological reponse to play back for you to hear. Theological arguments are generally pointless, unless you REALLY know the Bible backwards and forwards.

So it's not about rational thinking with them, and JWs stay in "the Truth", mostly because of the EMOTIONAL benefits it brings to them, and because the COST of exiting the religion is so high (as you know ALL ABOUT: you've seen the shunning, first-hand). Most have to find themselves in a position where they're FORCED to open their eyes, and that's something that no one else can force on them. Since she's being shunned, there's no much opportunity for you to interact anyway, I'd think (you were seeing them only once a year BEFORE this incident? Hmmm....).

Sounds like a great wife you have there! Hold on to her TIGHTLY and don't EVER let her go!

Adam

Iown Mylife

Hello, Mrhhome, you sound like a terrific person and no way did you do anything wrong, you in fact did everything exactly RIGHT.

JW's are all about consequences. For non-dubs, that is! They think what they are going to get is "fruitage" and all the "worldly" people will get Consequences.

But you gave your wife's brother a clear look at the natural and deserved consequence of his actions. And that is all good!

Watkins

Another "Well Done, Sir"! And no, I don't think you drove the wedge - it was there, invisibly. You might find it hard to believe how jws talk about disaffected ones: walking dead, mentally diseased, satanic God-haters, bird food at Armageddon - it's revolting and completely UNChristian. Without doubt - the wt teaches HATE.

Because of that 'inculcation' some, but not all, jws have to work at not displaying basic natural affection, kindness, mercy and forgiveness. Those types have an especially hard time mingling with 'worldlies'(anyone NOT a jw). The nasty stuff would've boiled to the top sooner or later - it doesn't go away. You only shined a light that needed to be shone.

Your anger was more like righteous indignation, as you were speaking up for what's right and just. If the moment had passed and you'd said nothing... you might be kicking yourself right now for not doing the right thing - and it's always the right thing - to stick up for your wife when she's being treated badly.

Remember - You don't have to play by their rules... if you knew all the wt cult's contrived 'commandments' you wouldn't even think twice! If anything is good and true, it's that LOVE rules over all - and your words came from pure love.

BTW - what was your wife's reaction to all the goings-on of that day? Surely she doesn't blame you for anything, does she?

In Hope, Watkins

jamiebowers

To clarify and be my own devil's advocate. (1) She disassociated herself at 18. (2) I was justified to be angry, but in doing so, I have driven a wedge between her and her family. In hindsight, the issues would have disappeared for another 10 years if I hadn't made an issue of it. (3) The issue occurred several months ago. I just stumbled across some of the scripture in question recently and tried to re-open a discussion with my brother-in-law.
First of all, you are a hero for standing up to the Watch Tower nonsense! Please don't think you drove a wedge between your wife and her family. The cult that they belong to did that a long time ago. Just out of curiosity, what does her unbelieving father say about all of this? He should be informed that his daughter was molested by a jw and put on reproof for that unless he's a homicidal maniac. And, by the way, blaming and punishing the victim is NOT unusual in this cult. Please spend your time and effort in helping your wife learn the "truth about the truth" and freeing herself from the residual damage of being raised in a cult. She needs to understand that her jw family has no "power of conviction" but instead cult controlled minds.
Hopefully she stays away from such toxic people. It's been my experience that that is the best thing to do.

Am I wasting my time?

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