by pronomono 21 Replies latest jw experiences
Thank you so much for that. I just found out that my boyfriend of three years has had a girlfriend for three years. I busted him in the petrol station parking lot totally by random. I found the strength to talk to her, to make him go away at that point and find out the answers I needed to know.
I don't know how I'll get to the front of the train right now as I can barely move at all but perhaps I can start soon.
Please wish me all the light and love you can spare.
Diana
I understand how you feel. In fact, I felt that way almost the entire time I was a jw. I so lamented all that I left behind for that organization, but I believed it was "the truth" so I made the necessary sacrifices... old boyfriends that my goodness I loved and lusted after, Christmas, birthdays, Thanksgiving, good friends, travel, a career in foreign service... I try to focus now on all the good things that came from being a jw. I've learned how to dress lady-like with class and style. I discovered skirts and dresses-- and boy, do I love them! Even though my husband and I are headed to a divorce, I know that I worked hard for the marriage and loved him with all that I had. I took care of the man, and I am happy that I did just that. Would I have married him? No. But we both did our best as young ones newly married. I also have two beautiful girls, and I feel truly blessed to have them in my life. Although all of my friends are gone, I know how to throw a great dinner party and kids party! I know my signature dishes for huge crowds of people, and that makes me happy too. Better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all? I think so. Now, the challenge is to look forward to the future! I want to do that. I want to love, and live, and give. You can do the same, too.
Cheers pronomono. Like the poem Simon. Good thoughts everyone.
My experience is from the other side of the fence. Years ago my hubby decided he wanted someone / something else. I was devastated. But he had to make the decision that was best for him. The saying 'when mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy' applies to everyone. When he wasn't happy, I wasn't either.
We all need to make our own decisions, one that makes us happiest.
That said, I also believe we make our own happiness. For me lately, it's a decision I make each day.
This is such a good thread. I was raised JW and stayed in it through age 39. What a complete waste. I have played the "what if" game in my mind over and over, but it only leads to further frustration and even anxiety.
The "Train of Life" really hit the spot. You really have to keep looking ahead, especially when a large part of your life was stolen out from under you (or in my case I let it happen).
Diana, sorry to hear of your double-dealing two-faced boyfriend. It's doubly hard when we leave a group who took total advantage of us, then we come into yet another situation where we are taken advantage of YET AGAIN. Still, we must look ahead to try to create a better future for ourselves, sometimes by learning exactly what we do NOT want in our life and working extra hard to keep that stuff away from us, to keep our boundaries and self-respect. Sometimes it is hard to know what we DO want, but it is equally or even more important to know what we want no part of.
diana netherton, your ex boyfriend simply was not worthy of you. Once your heart heals, your will realize that. Just as the witnesses fooled you once, so did he. Better to find out now than in 10 years. Your life will be much richer in the long run. All the best to you, lovely lady.
Hi Diana,
WOW, betrayal like that really sucks; I'm sorry you had to experience it, as it's a painful and debilitating experience, even if manage to put a positive spin on it. It never gets easier, unless you hold back from loving; and that's not really a good option, either, as it means you hold yourself back from committing.
It's dreadfully easy to fall into endless second-guessing (which CAN be helpful, to ask yourself if there were clues you saw, but refused to see/consider due to self-delusion), but it sounds like you were able to get answers to questions by talking to the "other woman", so hopefully that'll give you closure in the future.
Anyway, hang in there, and know that we're all wishing you all the best positive light and love we have!
Adam
This is an excellent thread.
In high school, I had a massive crush on a worldly girl. We've kept up our friendship over the last twenty-five years even when we lived on different coasts. We'd sometimes come tantalizingly close to being together, but my Witness upbringing (which I had just about abandoned when we met) has always been too much to overcome. I am convinced no one escapes the Organization without permanent emotional damage. There are too many scars from guilt and shame, too many bizarre perspectives on love and duty, to be anything otherwise.
But it is never too late to leave a sick relationship, whether that's a marriage or the always-sick relationship with the Organization.
My father-in-law has finally found freedom at age 71. It was not a slow fade. He ran from everything - his controlling, manipulative, sick wife, his just as manipulative and sick congregation. He dropped everything and moved a thousand miles away, setting up in a small apartment near my worldly sister-in-law, with little more than the clothes on his back. He will spend the last few years of his life away from sick people and sick influences. He may not make the best choices, but they will be HIS choices. I am so, so very proud of him.
Please do not look at years you spent figuring things out as squandered. This was merely time you needed to learn what was important, and sometimes that takes almost a lifetime to get past the indoctrination and guilt and lies. One year, one month, one day of freedom is worth it.
Pronomono and Diana - I wish you deep peace and love in the time ahead.
Losingit, congrats on rising above and making the best out of life for yourself. Focusing on the positives and removing the negatives.
Simon: Great message in that!
I look forward to what life holds,
And not what has been spent.
Please, God, give me that kind of attitude!
Doc
We all truly do have a lot to be thankful for.
This morning was better than the other. The results of cleaning out the closet, past memories and relics, were picked up with the usual household garbage and are on their way to the landfill. It's hard to move on when you have pictures, notes, and other items with memories attached close to your heart. Getting rid of these items, for me, was a necessary step in moving on..... and it feels good. I wound up with a big yard trash garbage bag full of junk and a lot less clutter.
This has really been an encouraging thread for me to read. Thank you all for making it what it is.
On a side note, my best friend called me out on being apostate the other night while we were talking about the new light. I brought up the question with these new changes, how can we know for sure what else we believe needs to be changed and how it will be interesting to see what new changes come about. He jokingly said that I was losing my faith and would soon be apostate. It was a joke, but he probably doesn't realize how close he is to the truth.
